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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Have Time Off Work Due To Stress

60 replies

Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:21

I'm a manager for the business I work for, and at the moment I'm not coping well at all. I work from 9-5 which is okay but it is extremely fast paced and mentally draining, then I go to college from 6-9:30, I volunteer at weekends and I'm trying to have a home life and do driving lessons too. It's just far too much. I've been to the doctors and he recommends that I drop the voluntary work, and have a bit of time off work.

I know my workplace is very understaffed though and I know it'll put pressure on other people, I'd feel so so guilty.

So AIBU to have the time off, should I just go and get on with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:38

Thankyou everyone, the driving lessons and voluntary work is going :) I'll contact the people involved today.

I'll speak to HR and see what they think, thankyou for that suggestion.

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spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:38

oh ffs I am not suggesting you SIT THERE and let others do your work. talk to your managers perhaps there is another area you can go to, someone else get some of your duties etc. no point in being a martyr here.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:39

Thanks Spongebob, I didn't think about the record thing. It won't look good from an occupational health point of view.

I have debated giving up work, my partner can support us both but I don't want that pressure on him either.

What is life ay!

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spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:39

sorry just seen your replies. I have mental health issues and disabilities. I got a letter from doc and got ONE of my daily tasks taken away from me rather than go out on a cert and it was ideal. I still work its on file I cant do that particular task and make up for it in other ways. it is possible.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:40

spongebob13 bloody hell I'm not being a martyr! I'm explaining what would happen, I know how my workplace works better than you so I know what would happen - i would be unable to deligate or pass work on it would be exactly the same as any other day - there are no other areas.

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Beastofburden · 12/10/2013 13:40

Strump- you have a 12 hour day. At 22 some people can manage this but clearly it is wrong for you. I don't think you will get anywhere unless either the college time or the work time are permanently cut back, not just a short period of time off.

Talk to college about doing your last year over two years, at half speed.

Or take a demotion at work and go part time.

This is not just about fairness to colleagues now. References will ask how much sick time you had. Nursing is stressful and people will be concerned if they see you have a record of time off for stress.

DameFanny · 12/10/2013 13:40

I'd take the time - but get the tachycardia on the cert rather than stress.

And then use the time to get some better coping mechanisms in place. And drop everything but work and college - you can always do an accelerated driving course when you need it.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:41

Ah right well thankyou, I'll see what they say. They love lumping the work on instead of getting more staff so it'll be an interesting meeting methinks ;)

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spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:42

listen i'm sorry but it bugged me that talking to work wasn't even an option but then you said you would so apologies. its worth a try and def don't get stress put down on your cert but the other condition.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:42

Yeah Beastofburden I used to be a carer and worked 14 hour days so I can cope with the long days, it's just the amount of stuff outside of that that I have to contend with. It's not physical, it's mental.

Thanks for bringing the references point up, all sorts of things here that I've not even contemplated!

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Beastofburden · 12/10/2013 13:43

College are likely to be way more helpful than work, attack on both fronts :)

spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:43

loads of x posts. sorry!

well listen its not a threat or an ultimatum but do stress (no pun intended) that if work doesn't ease up you will have to follow your docs advise and take some time out but that you thought approaching them first in a mature professional manner was the best option first.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:44

Thanks again everyone, thankyou for not just saying 'yabu', the advice you've offered is great.

I'll update you all with how I get on. Hopefully be in a better place soon!

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NewNameforNewTerm · 12/10/2013 13:46

Different profession, but I've had standard references forms asking me (current employer) how much time someone has had off work and how many blocks of absence in the last 12 months. I try to explain more fully on the form by squeezing a note under the answer box as everyone gets ill sometimes, but I do worry what impact it may have on their prospects in a competitive job market.

spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:46

at the end of the day you have to look out for you!! your health is more important. work might surprise you and be understanding and see your value or you will perhaps find out that you are just a number in there, either way I personally think its a good port of a call first and have it logged that if you do take a cert and its brought up in future interviews you can say you approached them first to discuss things. that can only be a good thing.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 12/10/2013 13:56

You definitely need to drop the voluntary work and cut back on the driving lessons, or pause them for now.

Someone else said nursing is stressful too, it is (I am one). You'll be working 12 hour shifts, nights and weekends plus doing assignments and going to college. Make sure you're fit enough before you start! And please make sure you disclose any health problems (like your tachycardia to occy health). I've had students who have had to be sent home from their placements as they 'forgot' to mention to health issues that would affect their work.

You can't do everything so you need to prioritise and look after yourself.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 09:39

Update- I took everyone's advice and spoke to my work place. They've been okay, not overly nice but as best as I could hope for. I've got this week off as annual leave so feeling better having a rest.

I also had a very tearful conversation with my college personal tutor who has said that they're going to work it out for me so I can work from home. She's been lovely and has said I should have gone to her sooner Blush

I'm really glad I did because my new bi-p meds have sent me funny and I've been all over the show mentally.

Thanks again everyone Thanks

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SeaSickSal · 28/10/2013 10:20

If you're leaving work in a year anyway and your partner can afford to support you then I would give up work.

It sounds like your college course is more important to you than your work and the stress at work may be affecting how that goes.

I would also stress the fact it would go on your record, and it might affect any reference you would get from them, for instance they might say that you were unable to handle pressure well which is important for nursing.

If you think it's going to affect you to the point where it may make your future record poor I would reconsider giving it up altogether.

If your DP is already doing the job which earns enough money to support you it shouldn't really be much extra pressure for him.

Retroformica · 28/10/2013 12:00

Stop volunteer work and driving lessons. Have a week off and try to get lots of sleep/rest etc. you need to accept you are not super woman. You can ask for something different on your certificate like exhaustion.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 12:11

Thankyou Thanks

I've stopped the volunteering work, dropped the driving lessons to one a week, college are now being supportive and letting me work from home, and got a nice week off to relax so that's making me feel loads better.

Things are looking up and I'm happy :)

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TillyTotter1 · 28/10/2013 12:16

YANBU - but a bit of time off work is only a short term solution. You eventually have to go back and the financial implications plus guilt from being off could make it worse.

It does sound as if you have a lot on though. Could you defer your studies for a year maybe? 12 months in the grand scheme of things isn't very long but if you push on and crash, putting yourself back together could take a hell of a lot longer, compromise your job, finances and career.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 28/10/2013 12:24

If you get signed off work due to stress then surely you stop college as well?

you can hardly not go to work in the day then be well enough to go to college.

drop everything else except work and college. see how it works.
If you are still too stressed then try reducing your hours - even to just 80%.

Hope you feel better

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 28/10/2013 12:33

Good to hear strumpetron - cross post from me.

Beastofburden · 28/10/2013 12:45

Try to get your meds stable as a priority. If that involves more time out, that's how it goes. You dont want to be failing the fitness to practice bit of your nursing course.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 12:50

If you get signed off work due to stress then surely you stop college as well?

It's irrelevant now really in light of the updates, but just wanted to say that my job is extremely fast paced, dealing with people and all the other things, completely different from showing up to a lesson, sitting there and taking notes - which is basically all we do as adult learners.

Thankyou everyone for your help and input, took everything on board and feeling loads better

OP posts: