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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let my lad sleep over tonight?

70 replies

Captainbarnacles1101 · 12/10/2013 09:27

my lad has a good friend from school who is the same age as him both 13. This friend had invited ds to stay at his tonight. all seemed ok i said yes as long as i dropped him off and collected him. Then last night i got a call from friends mum who says she and husband will be away but the 18 yr old sister would be there. ( this sister is only just 18 and in 6th form at their school.)
so in short I said no.
am i being unreasonable.
(ex hub thinks i am but hes a knob)

OP posts:

AndYouCanDance · 12/10/2013 09:31

Yanbu.

She might be very responsible. But then again it could be party time.

jendot · 12/10/2013 09:34

Why not invite him to stay at yours instead?

InsultingBadger · 12/10/2013 09:34

I know what I did at 13. Stick to your guns, YANBU

Waferthinmint · 12/10/2013 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InsultingBadger · 12/10/2013 09:35

Ooh yes, change the venue, then if all is innocent it won't matter and they can still have fun

Original poster

Captainbarnacles1101 · 12/10/2013 09:38

oh good idea. they said they were only gonna play xbox and we have that here. I will message lads mum and suggest that. thanks i feel better now.

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 12/10/2013 09:53

Don't be so silly. Your DS will be fine. That is the age gap between my two DD. By that age I was leaving them for overnights with the eldest in charge. I had been since she was 16. Some 18 year olds have their own children and look after them perfectly well. You DS is 13 not 3. He and his friend will probably go and play x box games all evening then go to sleep.

Original poster

Captainbarnacles1101 · 12/10/2013 10:04

Really Littlewhitebag? I have never met this 18 yr old before. I have no idea what shes like. I hardly know the lad either. its not an arrangement im comfortable with.

OP posts:

Finola1step · 12/10/2013 10:10

Sounds like you've offered a good compromise.

Original poster

Captainbarnacles1101 · 12/10/2013 10:18

have messaged the mum to ask if the lad can come here and stay and got a sharp reply saying "No. wont leave 18 yr old on her own over night"

confusing considering she was being championed as the responsible adult in the initial scenario.

anyway thats it sorted. everyone in their own beds!

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 12/10/2013 10:28

I would have let DS1 go personally. I agree with littlewhitebag.

littlewhitebag · 12/10/2013 10:37

If the 18 year old is not keen on being left alone all night then it tells me she is probably not the party sort.

Anyway sounds like you have it sorted out now.

Sparklingbrook · 12/10/2013 10:41

Exactly littlewhitebag. I don't like the assumption all 18 year olds must automatically be partying hellraisers as soon as the parents are out of sight.

SilverApples · 12/10/2013 10:48

Depends on the 18 year old though, DS has just declined an invite to a party because the last time he went, the level of smoke and dope bothered him.
If you don't know the individual, you wither take a risk or play safe, and the OP's child is her priority.
If she doesn't want to cope with being alone in the house, she doesn't sound very adult.

SilverApples · 12/10/2013 10:49

wither?
either.

I must remember to look at the keyboard when I type!

Sparklingbrook · 12/10/2013 10:50

I would tell DS1 to just ring me and I would collect him if anything was bothering him.

Original poster

Captainbarnacles1101 · 12/10/2013 10:54

I wasn't worried she was a partying hell raiser. I was concerned that she wouldn't be able to control two hormonal teenagers. I know the lad is a handful and I know my ds is easily led and no angel. I'd say the fact she won't stay on her own suggests I made the right decision.

OP posts:

lljkk · 12/10/2013 10:55

weird, I'd have been fine with original scenario so in the yabu camp, but very weird that the other mum so worried about 18yo alone.

littlewhitebag · 12/10/2013 11:01

The daughter maybe just doesn't like being alone in a house. I am 51 and not keen on staying alone in my house.

If your DS is a handful then i can perhaps see why you might not want her to be in charge.

EvaBeaversProtege · 12/10/2013 11:03

She won't leave the 18 year old alone? And in what way would a 13 year old be any use if anything happened.

lizzzyyliveson · 12/10/2013 11:03

So... the 13 year old is in fact babysitting his 18 year old sister! You made the right call, OP.

PeepingTomcat · 12/10/2013 11:06

She's 18 for christ sake! I was living on my own from 16 onwards, one night by herself would do no harm?

thebody · 12/10/2013 11:08

it's quite normal for an 18 year old girl to be a bit afraid on her own in the house isn't it?

fuss about nothing here. he's 13 not 9. let him go.

what do you think will happen really! you either trust him or you don't.

KatieScarlett2833 · 12/10/2013 11:10

I've just left my 18 year old DD with her 16 year old brother for 4 days while DH and I fecked off.
The house was immaculate, the washing done, DD had even left us coffee on for coming in ( plane delayed, got in at 2am).
DS went everywhere he needed to be, DD too.
I am very proud

Finola1step · 12/10/2013 11:14

Katie your post fills me with hope as sit watching Peppa flipping pig with dd aged 2 while DH is at football training with ds aged 5. Oh the thought of going away for a long weekend when they are older....

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