to not let my lad sleep over tonight?

[Captainbarnacles1101]

my lad has a good friend from school who is the same age as him both 13. This friend had invited ds to stay at his tonight. all seemed ok i said yes as long as i dropped him off and collected him. Then last night i got a call from friends mum who says she and husband will be away but the 18 yr old sister would be there. ( this sister is only just 18 and in 6th form at their school.)
so in short I said no.
am i being unreasonable.
(ex hub thinks i am but hes a knob)

*supervise even.

Won't leave 18 year old on her own overnight? I had my own flat at 18, lots of my friends also had their own children! that's crazy

When I was 17 I stayed at the house of someone we knew and looked after their 10 year old for a week as their 7 year old was having major heart surgery. It was fine. I got us both to school, got our homework done, cooked the meals and she even had a friend to play.

So on one level I definitely think an 18 year old is old enough to supervise 2 13 year olds for a night.

But I wasn't a random 17 yo they had approached on the street. They had known me for years. I had baby sat for them dozens of times and they knew I was sensible.

It's a different story with a random 18 year old you have never met.

It could be 'won't leave 18 year old on her own overnight' as she doesn't like being on her own overnight?

After several text exchanges it seems the other mother is "offended" that I won't let ds go. So and I quote "if my house isn't good enough for your ds. Then ur house certainly isn't good enough for mine!"

Seems I have unwittingly offended her.

I think you have perhaps not articulate yourself well to her. And made an issue over a non issue.

It sounds like the actual issue here is you don't trust your son.

He's 13 not 5. I appreciate he's your eldest so you're inclined to be more cautious. Bet you won't be so much when your younger children are that age. My mum certainly isn't with my brother.

Can you not speak to her rather than loads of text exchanging?

Does she not understand that it is the lack of a parent in the house that you are bothered about?
You are being very honest about your own son.

Alis, it doesn't have to be chaos and alcohol, it's enough to be 13 and not thinking about consequences. My two are both adult now, but I can remember a lot of fairly gormless behaviour that needed a responsible adult about to head off a potential problem.
Usually DS with candles, food cooking that he then forgot about, messing about and playfights that were a bit wild for the space available...

One friend banned her sons from playing rugby in the house.
That sort of thing.

A 13 year old surely can look after himself for a night? They don't need a babysitter. All they will be doing is playing xbox/computer games while the 18 year old is upstair.

Justa, your 13 year old might well do that.
Others are sometimes more creative.

I would ring her now and explain why you were not keen on the arrangement. This is where texting can lead to misunderstandings and bad feeling.

If someone sent me a text saying "if my house isn't good enough for your ds. Then ur house certainly isn't good enough for mine!" I think I would just stop exchanging texts, she has clearly (deliberately ?) misunderstood and I would just not bother to make any arrangements.

Although, yet again, this is the sort of situation which is much better dealt with by talking to someone direct. .

I think you made the right call for you.
If it was me I would do the same and wouldn't leave my dd at any age with anyone I have not met or known for some time.
If the 18yr old can't be left on her own then how can she be responsible for two teens?
Really I think you just got brushed off when you asked.

I was baby sat by my older sister , teen/young adult cousins and even my old auntie and uncle they certainly were not safe or mature.
Think drugs/booze + violence,parties and more unsavoury stuff not all at same time.
So I have cause for caution and not trust people so easily with the care of my dc.

At 13 me and my friend often stayed alone at weekends. We def had no parties. Just stayed up late watching scary films.
Think its normal for 18 yo to feel but unsure on her own at night, its still possible for her too look after the teenager brother and friend. My god in my twenties i still hated being in the house on my own!

We got up to plenty of mischief when I was 16/17 - not wild parties but plenty of the sort of behaviour that you really wouldn't want your teenagers indulging in. .

Wow I think that mum was a bit rude op. Its not like you know the older sister and you are right in saying she might not be able to control the boys if they are being difficult. Also not very fair on her if they were awkward is it. So even if some ppl would allow it you are not being really unfair or anything and the other mum should respect that esp since you offered to have her son instead.

It all depends on the teenagers concerned. Some are trustworthy, some need a bit more supervision.

When I was 15 my mum went on holiday leaving me for a week with my 22yr old brother (freshly home from uni). She was happy to leave the pair of us together, but wouldn't have left him on his own. She trusted me more for things like locking doors.