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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly freaked out by this 'new friend'?

94 replies

Sticklebug · 11/10/2013 20:08

My DD has recently started secondary school and today went round to a new friends house for the first time. I arrived to collect her at 6.30pm as agreed and the mum invited me in. She offered me a cup of tea and said ' it is always lovely to make new friends'. We had a nice chat, although she was a bit intense and asked loads of questions about DD's after school activities and we seemed to get on well.

All good....

Then, another mum arrived to collect her son (younger bro of DD's friend) and I was introduced as 'this is sticklebug, my new friend'. Cue me looking slightly uncomfortable and cheesy smiling (my stock response for awkward conversations).

Other mum sits down and DD friends mum then sits and tells this new mum how much she likes me and how we are going to be such 'close friends'....all this time i am sat at the table feeling really quite awkward.

Just got home and had text asking if I am free this weekend anytime for some 'girly shopping time in town'!

She was nice, but I am now slightly freaked out. AIBU?

OP posts:
Sheshelob · 11/10/2013 21:35

I had one of these. The first time we hung out, she insisted on coming around to my house, told me every possible intimate detail of her life, asked me about my sex life and showed me her pubes.

She lost me at the pubes.

googlyeyes · 11/10/2013 21:35

I think most people aren't being 'mean', just advising caution.

This is pretty unusual behaviour, and there's nothing wrong it just slowing things down and seeing how things develop a bit more naturally

YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka · 11/10/2013 21:38

Sounds a bit full on, but maybe she was just nervous, or maybe she's lonely. Speaking as a fellow lonely/nervous person, I think it's good that you're going to give her the benefit of the doubt. If it all goes tits up further down the line you can cool it off then.

Original poster
Sticklebug · 11/10/2013 21:45

Yippee - thank you for your post. It is easy when you have a wide friendship group and are not shy, to take this for granted.

It could well be lonliness and just not being great at social situations that has led to her being a bit over eager.

As I said, I did like her and will make an effort next friday. Will post how it goes...

OP posts:
Original poster
Sticklebug · 11/10/2013 21:48

Sheshelob - Shock at the pube showing. That would definitely freak me out!!

OP posts:
Mimishimi · 11/10/2013 21:52

She's probably just awkward ... Sad

OneManOneShed · 11/10/2013 21:56

Trust your instincts.

Sheshelob · 11/10/2013 21:57

If there were no pubes in polite company, you're golden.

It's one of my life rules. Along with "never refuse free food."

FatherHankTree · 11/10/2013 22:03

Sorry for posting and running - QI is just starting - but I'd let the friendship evolve slowly. IMO, friendships are a bit like relationships and if you met a new man/woman who wanted a relationship immediately, you'd be cautious.

fuzzpig · 11/10/2013 22:22

I don't think it sounds that bad TBH and would probably have just taken it lightheartedly.

But then I am a loner/freak who can't make or keep friends so what do I know!

I have zilch confidence after too many setbacks, I probably come across as aloof and snobbish now because I made a twat of myself by being too eager, can't win, get judged either way I guess.

pigletmania · 11/10/2013 22:23

Gosh some of you are utter mean, I hoe you never need a friend. Mabey she is lonely or struggles socially. Get to know her slowly, mabey have a coffee and take it from there. She might have sn, and it's takena lot fr her to ask to meet op. I woud be really Sad, if people thought that way of dd6 who has ASD

fuzzpig · 11/10/2013 22:26

Sorry my previous post was stupidly melodramatic. This thread just touched a nerve I was doggedly ignoring wasn't particularly aware of

Original poster
Sticklebug · 11/10/2013 22:32

All taken on board. I did like her, so will make effort to get to know her better.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 11/10/2013 22:42

pigletmania my son also has an ASD, as far as we know the woman in the OP doesn't

I will be teaching him as best I can that he too must be cautious about who he befriends.

It is wise for everyone to hang fire before they jump into any sort of relationship.

Canthaveitall · 11/10/2013 22:43

These posts always make me Hmm. The situation is so unique surely both mums would recognise themselves ?

That aside YANBU to be freaked out but I would take it as a well intended gesture. They just want to be friends and with so many people on here saying they have no friends it's actually quite nice. If you are not interested just make an excuse. I doubt they will move in and start following you about Grin.

pigletmania · 11/10/2013 22:48

Amber I am not saying she has ASD, my dd has, she might have some sort of SN or just not be very confident, mabey it took a lot for her to engage with op. I hate this run fr the hills mentality, sounds as though we're ack in the playground, not grown adults.

yeghoulsandlittledevils · 11/10/2013 22:49

I wouldn't rush into anything, speaking from personal experience of giving such a mum the benefit of the doubt.

Get to know at least 2 or 3 other mums and don't see her any more than you see the others.

pigletmania · 11/10/2013 22:50

Op has sad she is nice so will take things slowly which is good. You never know she might be a really reliable and great friend in the future

Fecklessdizzy · 11/10/2013 23:05

I've had several friendships that started with me thinking Oo-er really not sure about you ... and all but one have turned out fine.

Give her the benefit of the doubt, if it all gets a bit much you can cool things off easily enough.

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