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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly freaked out by this 'new friend'?

94 replies

Sticklebug · 11/10/2013 20:08

My DD has recently started secondary school and today went round to a new friends house for the first time. I arrived to collect her at 6.30pm as agreed and the mum invited me in. She offered me a cup of tea and said ' it is always lovely to make new friends'. We had a nice chat, although she was a bit intense and asked loads of questions about DD's after school activities and we seemed to get on well.

All good....

Then, another mum arrived to collect her son (younger bro of DD's friend) and I was introduced as 'this is sticklebug, my new friend'. Cue me looking slightly uncomfortable and cheesy smiling (my stock response for awkward conversations).

Other mum sits down and DD friends mum then sits and tells this new mum how much she likes me and how we are going to be such 'close friends'....all this time i am sat at the table feeling really quite awkward.

Just got home and had text asking if I am free this weekend anytime for some 'girly shopping time in town'!

She was nice, but I am now slightly freaked out. AIBU?

OP posts:
PeppiNephrine · 11/10/2013 20:48

It's not mean to not want to do soemthing you dislike, its not mean to not do anything at all with this woman, you are under no obligation to her. Its more the freaking out about it, but particularly some of the other posts here. They are really unkind and unecessary.

Is she foreign? Or lived abroad before? We tend to do things differently but British people have so many rules....

Original poster
Sticklebug · 11/10/2013 20:55

She is British, from South East originally. She was not actually that confident when we were chatting on our own, struggled a bit with eye contact and a bit focused on asking 'stock' ' getting to know you' questions. It was when the other mum turned up that she became more confident and focused on how we were going to be 'such great friends'. May be that there is some history with other mum I am not aware of.

Anyway, plan to give her the benefit of the doubt as the girls got on well and she lives far enough away (10 min drive) that I am not expecting her to randomly turn up on the doorstep...

OP posts:
plentyofsoap · 11/10/2013 20:57

Friendships develop naturally over time and sometimes you do hit it off with certain individuals. If she made you feel like it is forced, which it has done then leg it.

Feminine · 11/10/2013 20:58

My gut feeling is that it will all be okay.

I've had a few friendships start this way. (I've moved around a bit) and have friends from different countries.

I'm still here able to post Grin

Good luck!

PeppermintPasty · 11/10/2013 21:01

Ooh I'm in the RUN, RUN LIKE THE WIND camp.

There was a woman like this at ds' swimming lessons. I gave her zero encouragement, kept my super-grumpy-bag-face on at all times (not hard), but still it was no use. She sold Body Shop stuff. Christ I bought loads of shite I didn't need, all the while being a tiny bit scared of her and complaining to my close friend about it, who laughed like a drain at me.

Sooooo relieved when her dd changed classes. Haven't seen her for weeks.

The sweeeet part of the story is that two weeks after I last saw her, my friend started talking about some woman who'd befriended her at her son's swimming classes.

My mate then informed me she was having a Body Shop party and did I want to come. Hahahahaha.

I didn't go.

PeppiNephrine · 11/10/2013 21:06

I don't get the "I know someone like this" posts. You don't know what OP's "friend" is like, you can't say you know someone like it. So much projecting!

OP, some people ramble when they are nervous. Be friends with her, don't be friends with her, either is fine, but try to be kind. As for the other posters who are so willing to tell you about awful people they know, maybe it says more about them.

PeppermintPasty · 11/10/2013 21:11

Oh lord. So serious.

fairy1303 · 11/10/2013 21:13

Run.

Seriously.

Check tea for rohypnol next time.

SacreBlue · 11/10/2013 21:15

I would feel worried if she had said 'this is my new best friend ' but 'this is my new friend'? probably not so much. Even the 'we are going to be close friends' hasn't said you are close friends and well, no-one has to be friends with their DC's friends' parents so don't be too worried.

If you don't fancy being friends and are more comfortable with being 'acquaintances' then do that, given PP responses most people are not going to be saying 'oh X said Stickle was going to be close friends but now isn't - Stickle must be a bitch'

The other mum mightn't even remember the conversation at all, never mind judge you (or her) on it.

PeppiNephrine · 11/10/2013 21:15

So serious? Better than being so horrible to people.

SirChenjin · 11/10/2013 21:15

I want to tell you it will be OK, I really do - because that's what nice people do....

But run, run like the wind, and if her name is Mandy then run faster than the wind.

PeppiNephrine · 11/10/2013 21:17

better hide thread, too upsetting. You see all the threads from people who are socially awkward and find it hard to make friends? Its this shit that makes it so much more difficult. You tell yourself people you meet aren't judging you as harshly as you imagine, then you read this shit and you realise yes, in fact they are. And worse!

DurhamDurham · 11/10/2013 21:18

I bet she has a scrapbook devoted entirely to her special friend...it's full of photos taken in everyday situations. From a long range lens Grin

AmberLeaf · 11/10/2013 21:21

It's official, I live on another planet from the majority of posters. Why do you all have to be so mean?

I don't think it is meanness.

I have known lots of people [who hasn't?] but I have realised that those who are full on from the outset can be difficult the same is true for men/relationships...in that instance it is a 'red flag'

PeppermintPasty · 11/10/2013 21:21

Oh for goodness sake. The op is a grown up. I'm sure she'll be able to digest all the stories on here without having her character ruined by meanies like me.

As for my story. I wish I had been horrible to her, instead of being an utter drip about it! I castigated myself to my friend because I couldn't shake off the strange woman.

You're surely not suggesting that this is a life or death serious thread?

Sparklingbrook · 11/10/2013 21:22

perhaps she is on the PTA at the school. Shock

AmberLeaf · 11/10/2013 21:23

sorry posted too soon;

It isn't meanness, it is self preservation IMO.

People that cross the 'norms' of etiquette when starting friendships can IME also be hard to get rid of.

Weeditandreap · 11/10/2013 21:24

Not being horrible, just sharing experiences.

PeppermintPasty · 11/10/2013 21:24

And btw, she certainly wasn't socially awkward.

Isn't that projecting too?

DurhamDurham · 11/10/2013 21:24

Sparklingbrook you are just trying to scare us now Grin

DownstairsMixUp · 11/10/2013 21:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Weeditandreap · 11/10/2013 21:26

Spot on, Amberleaf.

youarewinning · 11/10/2013 21:26

My closest friend was a friendship made this way. Kids at nursery together, we both at another nursery friends party. She text fancy meeting up. Seemed full on but I was fairly new around so didn't knock back invite.

Turns out she's just a very friendly person and actually extremely lovely.

Original poster
Sticklebug · 11/10/2013 21:27

Had a good balance of views. Will keep friendly and at a distance - not because I am mean, but because I am genuinely busy and stressed out right now.

Good news is that DD has gone to bed thrilled with new friend (who seems lovely).

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 11/10/2013 21:30

The thing that is bothering me a bit was that she was nice and i do feel that we connected and could be friends....so maybe she is just more direct than me? give it a chance then, which I guess you are by having coffee when she picks up her child. nothing so far screams run to me and if you like her then yes it could be a new friendship. Sounds like she is just more open and is looking for a friend. Its early days, tell her shopping is your idea of hell and that you are very busy and not so good at keeping in touch regularly but yes would like to get together sometimes. keep it on your terms and you may have found a new friend. If she gets too intense you can just cut it short can't you?

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