To think an awful lot of women make decisions that are based in fear?

[ICameOnTheJitney]

I have. I've just realised it this evening...whenever I have a big life decision to make, I weigh the options up for aaaaggggeees and then invariably choose the least frightening option.

It's not stopped me taking some risks in terms of my career...I've gone for it massively and done well so far. But in terms of my personal life, socially and in relationships I make my choices based on the least scary option.

Am I alone in this and AIBU to think that many women must be like me? Perhaps it's generational? I'm 41.

I made this realisation about myself recently too. (I'm in my forties too)

A braver me would have had a different career, travelled more while at uni, and had more children

For me it's that I'm currently facing a massive choice...and it's one with such far reaching consequences that I'm almost frozen. I can't say what it is but its a big one...and I feel the easiest one could also be the hardest choice...and the hardest choice could also be the easiest in the long term. It's one of those Devil and the Deep Blue Sea type choices...Hobson's Choice whatever. Is there some kind of formula for that? For making the best choice?

Well, I think women have more to be frightened of ...

1. A particular fear of women is being homeless, I believe, and I think that's true - obviously a woman can feel vulnerable if insecure living accommodation.

1. Children - if a woman has children, sometimes her protective instincts are a kind of understandable "fear". She can't just usually "take to the high-road" on a whim when babies/toddlers in tow; in a way she must choose security over freedom, at least for a while.

It may be a generational thing though as you say ...

One of my favourite ever quotes is:

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
Anais Non

Stupid autocorrect! Anais Nin .

That's a very good quote End thanks a lot.

Why only women though? Men make decisions out of fear as well....

What President says. People make a lot of decisions out of fear, and also avoid making decisions out of fear.

Fear is stronger than love.

I love that quotation- thanks!

I've frequently make decisions that were the most scary option, but the right one. Hence I find myself at 40 living in a forrin country and well traveled in some scary to some, I didn't find them so countries.

I think it might be genetic. DD is a very fearless child.

I think a lot of decisions are made based on finances and thus fear of poverty.

Is there a formula? I always, always find that on big choices, I know instinctively which choice I want to make. I can talk it to death, but ultimately I always know which way I want to go. I may not always choose that way because things like fear get in the way. But I always know which I really want. Sounds like you do, too. Question is: are you going to let fear get in the way and change your decision? I think woman may be particularly prone to letting fear change things because so often we have to think of others when making decisions, but ultimately, it's a people thing: are you someone who lets fear get in the way or not?

Humans tend to be risk/loss averse
it kinda makes sense, I'm not advocating it as a life strategy