Another weddingy/children-y/invitey one

[InWithTheITCrowd]

I know there's nothing I can do about this, but I just wanted to know if I am being unreasonable in feeling a bit sad about this.

A good friend and colleague of mine is getting married in two weeks. I've had the invitation for the evening part for ages. The invitation doesn't actually say who is invited, just a generic "You are invited to the wedding of...."
I can't remember what was on the envelope.

Originally, my parents were going to have DS (aged 4) so DH and I could go, but then they got the opportunity for a last minute holiday, so I said I would ask the bride if we could take DS, and if it was a "no children" wedding, DH would stay home with DS and I'd go with my other colleagues from work. No probs.
Before I managed to contact her, about two weeks ago, DH landed a new job and is now working nights, so can no longer have DS that evening if he needs to.

I phoned the bride to ask if it was OK to bring DS, and she replied with "I just can't have children or partners of work colleagues because of numbers". I said that was OK but that I have absolutely no one to have DS so wouldn't be able to come. Then I said "Oh, I didn't realise it was no partners either" and she replied "Oh, that's just for people from work. My other friends are bringing their partners and children, of course, but it's just a numbers thing"
So basically, the wedding will be full of kids (my friend has several nieces and nephews of a similar age to DS) and her other friends and family are all bringing husbands/wives/partners etc, but work colleagues can't bring partners or kids, and that is now the reason I can't go.

So, when I saw her at work, I said "I'm so sad that I can't come to your wedding" and she said "Well, family comes first"

It's not a case of "family comes first" though - I would really prefer to go to her wedding, but I don't want to push or hassle about it, because she obviously has this rule. I've spoken to my colleagues about it, and none of them actually want to take their kids - in fact, most of them are booking into hotel rooms so they can make a night of it

I know, I know - it's her wedding and it's her rules. And she is genuinely such a lovely person, but I feel as though she has just made up this rule arbitrarily to solve a problem, and can't quite see that her "rule" is the one thing that is stopping me from going. We've been colleagues and friends for 8 years, and we are ordinarily quite close.

I just feel sad that I'm missing out on a) her wedding and b) what looks like being a great social event for my colleagues and friends.

Sorry - I banged on about it there, I just feel that it's a bit odd and I'm just a bit sad about it.

[InWithTheITCrowd]

Loads of messages - been at work, sorry.
To address a few points:
I know it is my situation that means I can't go- not hers
I am not expecting her to break the rules for me
I'm not "woe is me" at all. I would like to go and don't think I can

I did say all of this. I just haven't any experience of a no partners/no kids invitation for a select group of people, and on discussing it here, it seems it's normal for some and not for others.

There is no one who can have DS. He started school last month and I don't know any of the other parents. As far as I know, staff don't offer a babysitting service and I can't really afford it anyway.

Those of you who think I'm rude for asking - I'm genuinely surprised! How else do you find anything out? She hasn't been put in an awkward position at all.

We are colleagues, yes - but also friends. We socialise often. She knows DS and DH well.

There are plenty of kids who are "only going to the evening reception" and not the day one. Is it really so unusual?

I'm working in the day (she's getting married on a Friday) so I won't be able to see her get married

Thank you for all of your opinions and suggestions. Our friendship seems relatively unharmed, for those of you who think I've acted out of place. She also apologised to me today for not making it clear on the invitation re: no partners and DC - I'm not the only one who didn't realise

[expatinscotland]

You would seriously take a 4-year-old to an evening do and expect to have a good time? Poor kid! Mine would need matchsticks to prop open their eyes.

Hire a sitter or don't go.

[InWithTheITCrowd]

Really? He's been to two wedding receptions this year and a 40th party last weekend. He had a whale of a time at all of them

[expatinscotland]

Just don't see it as something for kids, she said no, anyhow. I wouldn't be happy with kids at my evening do, tbh.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yanbu to feel disappointed.

She is nbu to have this rule or to not change it.

It wouldn't even occur to me to invite colleagues children to my wedding. It's only vaguely crossed my mind some might want to bring their partners.

[Pigsmummy]

I think inviting work people on their own is perfectly acceptable practice. If you want to go then ask around about babysitter, one of your friends might offer or give you their baby sitter's number?