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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really exasperated at OH being mugged tonight?

124 replies

owhatashambles · 09/10/2013 00:39

He lost his wallet, his phone, cash. Second phone lost in a month. Can't help thinking he gets himself into these situations. He is not auditioning for Jeremy Kyle as far as I know but meant to be a mature professional. Guess who has to clean up the mess - cancel the card, cancel the phone, replace said cards and phone? Oh and be parent and hold down a pretty stressful job. Just want to scream rather than offer sympathy. Well I will make soothing noises as soon as he's back but am not impressed. Evil woman.

OP posts:
Lazyjaney · 09/10/2013 12:15

Never mind reading between the lines, this is reading from another script! (albeit a well thumbed one on MN)

AnyFucker · 09/10/2013 12:27

If this repeated mopping up behaviour for the sake of a feckless man is normal in everyone's relationships then I stand corrected.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 09/10/2013 12:31

OP can you come back and clarify your posts for everyone.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 09/10/2013 12:32

Must say in defence of the Tuesday night drinking, I work in a job that is 24/7. Sometimes my 'weekend' is during the week.

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2013 12:36

Losing two mobile phones in a month especially if he has lost other stuff is really annoying so I would be running out of sympathy too, I'm afraid.

He didn't lose two mobile phones, he lost one.

The other was stolen from him.

AmberLeaf · 09/10/2013 12:38

I hate these double standards.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 09/10/2013 12:45

Some seriously nasty victim blaming on this thread. Even if he is feckless and irresponsible he didn't deserve to be mugged.

Lazyjaney · 09/10/2013 12:50

Here's a radical idea - that the only person to blame for an assault is the assaulter.

Wheatus · 09/10/2013 12:52

I would have thought trying to stop a fight is a good thing to do.

Rewindtimeplease · 09/10/2013 13:11

AF... Two totally different issues at stake. Yes, the binge drinking mid week appears to be unreasonable behaviour. But we don't know the back story because the OP didn't ask if she was being unreasonable to be pissed off with DH drinking. Although it appears she undoubtedly is, and seemingly has good reason to be.

The mugging is completely and utterly different, and to bring up the rape issue is actually very relevant indeed. If my DH had been mugged, I would be appalled, concerned and upset. If you wouldn't be, then tbh, t you and I must have very different marriages and will disagree on topics such as this.

SukiBirdee · 09/10/2013 13:38

My DH was mugged while walking home from his work Christmas party. It was extremely frightening for him, his attacker threatened to knife him.
I can't believe anyone would think he deserved this because he had been drinking or walked home alone. In the end the mugger was caught and had done the same thing to several other people so they must have all been to blame somehow...

SukiBirdee · 09/10/2013 13:38

My DH was mugged while walking home from his work Christmas party. It was extremely frightening for him, his attacker threatened to knife him.
I can't believe anyone would think he deserved this because he had been drinking or walked home alone. In the end the mugger was caught and had done the same thing to several other people so they must have all been to blame somehow...

olgaga · 10/10/2013 00:31

Ah well I hope we'll be enlightened by OP as to how the latest "mopping up" has gone.

TBH I think OP sounds at the end of her tether with the predictable consequences of her DHs social life.

Tuonz · 10/10/2013 00:35

Having a drink

Predictable consequences

Fuck this.

Sparklysilversequins · 10/10/2013 00:40

My ex H used to get "mugged" regularly, at least four or five times a year. What actually happened was he'd getting pissed out of his face and be relieved of all his stuff while passed out. I got pretty fed up with it and lost all sympathy too. So I see where you're coming from OP.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2013 00:50

'Relieved of all his stuff' as in stolen by a thief that was more interested in stealing from him than calling an ambulance because there was a passed out person in the street/pub?

I can see why you'd be fed up Sparkly if your ex kept getting drunk off his face, but your post is really playing down the fact that a thief had no right to take advantage of him.

'Relieved of all his stuff'

Really?

Tuonz · 10/10/2013 00:51

So if you're passed out you're fair game Sparkly?

Some people do daft things, it does not make them bad people or responsible for the actions of others.

If I saw someone passed out drunk I'd want to make sure they were okay, I would not relieve them of their possessions.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2013 00:53

Exactly Tuonz

It reminds me of those awful rape posters that appeared to blame women for getting drunk, rather than blaming the rapist for raping a vulnerable woman.

Tuonz · 10/10/2013 01:00

It's like normalizing horrific behavior Worra If you drink too much you can expect to be raped, mugged or injured, just one of those things. Bad victim, you did wrong.

sugarman · 10/10/2013 06:09

I don't think anyone is saying he deserved to be mugged, but incapacitating oneself with alcohol is foolish. The vulnerable will always be targeted so it would be sensible to reduce one's vulnerability.
You can argue till you're blue in the face that it shouldn't be so, but any sensible person knows that it is, however, exactly so.

Lazyjaney · 10/10/2013 07:26

If the word used were "raped" and "she" this thread would probably be very different, but the situations are quite similar.

IMO anyone not applying the same approach to both is a complete hypocrite.

Sirzy · 10/10/2013 07:32

So by that logic sugar you could say the same about people who get raped while drunk? They shouldn't dare to have fun and drink and make themselves vulnerable should they!

Sparklysilversequins · 10/10/2013 07:48

I defy any of you to continue to be sympathetic towards someone who has had his fourth mobile phone taken in as many months, which will of course come out of the family budget when being replaced. Not to mention the full wallets and cash cards needing replaced. Not only that but you receive abusive messages and calls from strangers when you are 8 months pregnant saying awful things about your baby because they read and know stuff about you from the text messages on the phone.

It's hard to stay sympathetic to someone who continues to do this week after week and so is exposing themselves and your family to risky and dangerous behaviour because of their choices.

And yes he was "relieved of his stuff" because he was never hurt, people saw him lying there passed out and took everything he owned. Time and time again. It's nothing to do with saying he deserved it, no one does. But how long can you be sympathetic for when someone else's poor choices are having such a massive effect on YOU. Time after time I was the one dealing with it and being worried and stressed. He couldn't even remember it!

zippey · 10/10/2013 07:59

Also, what is so wrong about helping sorting out his cards, cancelling stuff etc after? All I have read is that OP should do it himself or that he is a manchild.

I'd have thought that helping your loved ones after a traumatic event would be a kind thing to do.

thebody · 10/10/2013 08:03

he sounds a tad feckless and childish op.

my lads manage to go out in the lash and have never got so drunk that they have been robbed. so have I for that matter.

does he have a genuine alcohol problem?