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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really exasperated at OH being mugged tonight?

124 replies

owhatashambles · 09/10/2013 00:39

He lost his wallet, his phone, cash. Second phone lost in a month. Can't help thinking he gets himself into these situations. He is not auditioning for Jeremy Kyle as far as I know but meant to be a mature professional. Guess who has to clean up the mess - cancel the card, cancel the phone, replace said cards and phone? Oh and be parent and hold down a pretty stressful job. Just want to scream rather than offer sympathy. Well I will make soothing noises as soon as he's back but am not impressed. Evil woman.

OP posts:
MrsDavidBowie · 09/10/2013 07:30

If my dh got pissed, involved in a fight and got mugged as a result I would be pissed off with him as well.
He is a man, not 15.

Sirzy · 09/10/2013 07:35

I will never understand this place when it comes to threads like this. If a woman had posted on here that she had been mugged whilst drunk and was blaming herself then everyone would have (rightly so) had sympathy for her. Yet when it is a man in the postion of being mugged whilst drunk it's all his fault?

MrsDavidBowie · 09/10/2013 07:39

I would not have much sympathy for a woman either.

Adults have to be responsible, and getting so drunk you are incapable of looking after yourself in public is not on.

Opalite · 09/10/2013 07:40

Please everyone don't think people are at fault for 'making themselves vunerable' by drinking, that can be damaging especcially in other situations... of course it is entirely the muggers fault.

OP yanbu to be annnoyed, you shouldn't have to do those things for him, he's an adult and should act like one.

SilverApples · 09/10/2013 07:46

I don't get the victim-blaming either. He was mugged because he met a criminal who mugged him. His level of intoxication shouldn't have a bearing on this.
Someone explain to me the difference between being drunk and mugged, his fault and a drunk woman being raped, not her fault?

Sirzy · 09/10/2013 07:47

Exactly silver.

Opalite · 09/10/2013 07:48

That's what I was wondering Silver, both are victims and non consenting...

DuchessFanny · 09/10/2013 08:04

My DH was mugged this year while out with friends and drunk ... I was so angry .. At the people who attacked him. Yes he was vulnerable because he was pissed and ended up separated from his mates, but that shouldn't matter. You should be able to walk down any street at night and NOT be attacked.
I should add he cancelled his own cards but I went with him to the police station. He was shocked and shaken up for days, I couldn't have been angry with him :(
I understand it may be a bit different for you though ? Because he was in a fight first ? Is that why you're annoyed ? Or because it's happened before and you think him reckless ? Or because you're having to pick up the pieces ?
Either way hope he ( and you ) are ok once the shock wears off .

AnyFucker · 09/10/2013 08:04

If my h was getting pissed, into fights and getting mugged on a tues night I would have a real issue with his behaviour

SilverApples · 09/10/2013 08:11

That doesn't answer my question AF.
The drunken, irresponsible behaviour and the fighting are issues that need fixing.
But would you be agreeing if the OP had said 'I'm really exasperated at DP being raped tonight, can't help but think she gets herself into these situations' ?

RedHelenB · 09/10/2013 08:13

I always thought the cardholder had to cancel their own cards anyway.

Dahlen · 09/10/2013 08:18

Wow! Very angry OP. Either you're not a very nice person or this is yet another example in a very long line of 'mishaps' that have befallen your OH which result in you picking up the pieces.

If it's the latter, I can understand your frustration. I know someone who was always having her bag 'stolen' (aka as getting so pissed she's leave it somewhere). I also dealt with someone who claimed someone attacked him and stole his phone and wallet, only for it to turn out that he'd been in a typical brawl with his friend and his phone and wallet had ended up in the gutter; he'd simply been too drunk to spot them. I suspect you think what's happened is more along those lines.

If he has a habit of going out, getting drunk, behaving irresponsibly (believe it or not it is is possible to drink plenty of alcohol and not behave like a fuckwit) and generally behaving like a manchild, maybe it's time for action. If you stop dealing with his problems and let him face the consequences of his behaviour, he may be more likely to change.

If he's a genuine victim, he deserves your support.

AnyFucker · 09/10/2013 08:28

He hasn't been raped though, he is getting pissed, into fights, getting mugged all on a school night and then expecting his female partner to sort it out for him

Let's keep it on topic, eh

Sirzy · 09/10/2013 08:30

The fight was a seperate event on a different night anyway.

Why the day of the week matters god knows

If someone is victim of crime then to blame them is wrong irrespective of what the crime is.

AnyFucker · 09/10/2013 08:31

Silver, I recommend you try and not take thread titles quite so literally

There is very often very much more to the situation than that

If op comes back to say actually there isn't then fair enough...she can take from this thread exactly what she wishes

SilverApples · 09/10/2013 08:42

If she's with a partner who is a drunken irresponsible arse, then she needs to evaluate her situation and decide why she's still there.
That's not what she's asking though, and I do think SIBU to be annoyed at him getting mugged. He's been the victim of a crime.
Unless as well as him being drunk and into fighting, he's also a liar.

olgaga · 09/10/2013 09:32

Of course the day of the week matters. If you have responsibilities, if it's the night before a working day, he shouldn't be out getting pissed!

Sirzy · 09/10/2013 09:36

How do you know it was the night before a working day for him? And even if it was does it matter as a one off?

People seem to be trying to hang him out to dry here on very little information.

MsWilliamTheBloody · 09/10/2013 09:37

Wow, OP.

You sound like the police officer I spoke to when I tried to report being raped.

Guess who's fault that was?

Yup. Mine.

Made myself vunerable, didn't I.

Angry
RevelsRoulette · 09/10/2013 09:52

Well, it's clearly not his fault he got mugged. And if he stepped into a situation to try to help then that doesn't make him a bad person - but am I right in thinking that what his mate was actually trying to put a spin on was that they just started fighting? Not good.

However, as for taking over and cancelling and reordering and getting new phone etc - you don't have to do that. Don't treat him like he is incapable. He is an adult and he can sort it out himself

If it is a question of acting immediately and he is out and doesn't have access to all the telephone numbers etc, then I can see a case for you quickly cancelling cards. Time is of the essence. But beyond that - he is a fully functioning adult. Leave it to him! If you choose not to do that, you can't really be angry about it, cos it's your choice.

peachactiviaminge · 09/10/2013 10:00

Wow check the victim blaming on this thread. Nice double standards.

I think this is more about the fact that he gets himself in such a state where he ends up in dangerous situations through drink, right ?

change he to she, woman gets raped while drunk its not her fault its the rapists. Same here its not his fault its the muggers. ffs

jammiedonut · 09/10/2013 10:00

If this was a woman, the response would be different. I don't think you can blame your dh for being mugged. As for cancelling everything for him, I can't see why you HAVE to do it. If you want to, go ahead, if it's too much of a chore make him do it himself! It sounds like there's a bit more to this.

peachactiviaminge · 09/10/2013 10:02

He hasn't been raped though, he is getting pissed, into fights, getting mugged all on a school night and then expecting his female partner to sort it out for

So if I was to go out tonight get pissed flirt with a stranger and end up getting raped then come home and expect my DH's support in sorting it all out I'd be at fault? Your double standards are showing again.

SilverApples · 09/10/2013 10:05

What's with the school night references?
I have the relationships board hidden, so does the OP have school aged children that she or her OH have to deal with?

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2013 10:06

Wow OP what a nasty post.

I'm also disgusted (though unsurprised) at some of the victim blaming on here.

And as for him 'getting into fights', the OP said she received a phone call once, saying he tried to break up a fight.

But lets not let the facts get in the way of a bit of man bashing...

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