Aerated woman's just come to the door
"I'm on the phone to the police yeah, there's smoke coming from your house, you're alright, yeah"
Me: "er yes, (pointing) that's a chimney. When you light the stove smoke comes out"
Her: "yeah, but it's fire innit and I've called the police now"
Me: "ok. Fire produces smoke yes, but it's a stove and it's meant to"
Woman wanders off shaking head and speaking into phone to police "it's a stove, not fire"
