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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my reasonable fuse is about to blow

102 replies

mirtzapine · 05/10/2013 07:10

Currently my reasonable fuse is the equivalent of a six inch nail in the fusebox that's glowing red hot.

We've got a AuPair. The cultural differences are tough enough, but the rank stupidity that this idiot brings is breath-taking.

Yesterday, she left the shower running with the showerhead tucked behind the bathtaps. so the water ran down the back of the bath, and into the room below (which is her bedroom). As well as the water damage, it blew the electrics and shorted out her TV and Skybox.

So I reasonable explained that it was wrong, so she tried to argue it wasn't her (she was the last to use the shower). Its not her fault etc. The not accepting responsibility and saying the minimum of sorry - galls me.

There are also lots of other things too, that this thing does to wind me up totally the wrong way. Shortly after her arrival she started taunting my eldest by chanting lazy lazy

OP posts:
EMS23 · 05/10/2013 07:22

Umm, I think for her own safety, you ought to terminate her contract and have her leave ASAP.
You're so angry.

FamiliesShareGerms · 05/10/2013 07:23

And breathe....!

And get rid - start looking mow for a replacement

FamiliesShareGerms · 05/10/2013 07:24

now, obviously!

TobyLerone · 05/10/2013 07:25

I get that you're annoyed.

But the really horrible way you're talking about her (calling her 'a thing'? You nasty fucker!) would suggest that it would be best for everyone if you asked her to leave.

How would you feel if your DD was being spoken about like this while young and on her own in a strange country with a family you trusted to look after her? Good god. Pay a live-out nanny.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/10/2013 07:25

"That thing"?

That "thing" is the person you trust to look after your DCs isn't it?

Thumbwitch · 05/10/2013 07:25

I'd forget giving her one more chance.

Get an agency nanny as an emergency replacement and pack the au pair's bags for her today. She's obviously not suited to your household (or, in fact, anyone's) so do everyone (including her) a favour and get her out now.

rocketeer · 05/10/2013 07:26

Get rid, for her sake and yours. Tbh she would have been out the door for the name taunting alone if she was mine.

Thumbwitch · 05/10/2013 07:28

Me too, rocketeer.

Rosa · 05/10/2013 07:39

Sounds like you have an extra 'c' there which is not much of a help for you. i would start looking for another maybe with a bit of common sense and respect . Where does it say in her contract ' don't clean up after yourself' or ' be rude to the children ' ????

Mouthfulofquiz · 05/10/2013 07:42

Get rid. She sounds like a twat to be honest!

TobyLerone · 05/10/2013 07:42

Respect should go both ways.

LittleMissWise · 05/10/2013 07:43

"That thing!"

Well, don't you sound nice!

Jinty64 · 05/10/2013 07:48

She has to go but, to be honest, you don't sound very nice.

redlac · 05/10/2013 07:52

Jeezo the OP is at the end of their rope, cut them some slack as they are venting on here rather than at the AP.

OP she would would have been out my door the day the taunting started. Find a replacement and get rid.

Silverlace · 05/10/2013 07:53

I don't know anything about the etiquette of having an au pair but obviously she is unsuitable for such a position so she needs to leave.

Having said that she will probably be relieved to have left the employment of such a disrespectful and unpleasant sounding employer.

wheretoyougonow · 05/10/2013 07:56

I find it sad that you see it as a bonus that you won't see her much as you work long hours but your children are in her care Hmm

PansOnFire · 05/10/2013 07:56

She sounds delightful! The name calling alone is enough, I think you were very tolerant when she did that - seriously, a 20 year old should know better but someone who is looking after the well being of your children???

You sound incredibly wound up, don't let her do that to you especially since you mentioned you both work long hours. Your time at home needs to be relaxing for the sake of your children.

youarewinning · 05/10/2013 08:01

She needs to go.

You need to review your attitude towards AP's and decide if your generally this wound up and disrespectful or if it's a result of her stupidity - if it's the latter then find a suitable replacement.

JohnnyFontaneCannaeSing · 05/10/2013 08:03

So you trust this "thing" to look after your kids. You both sound horrific. I feel sorry for your kids. Pay a professional to look after your kids or do it yourself.

DukeSilver · 05/10/2013 08:15

She does sound a bit of a nuisance but you sound nasty, nasty, nasty!

I suggest your fuse isn't as reasonable as you think...

Tee2072 · 05/10/2013 08:15

Your wife should get rid of both of you. That poor Au Pair.

Original poster
mirtzapine · 05/10/2013 08:26

omgg-- I'm venting in aibu and I get picked up on saying thing I've been more than reasonable and respectful IRL. And yup I'm pretty damn angry A about the taunting... so she has no respect for our kids. And B about the water damage. I could have used words a lot worse than thing I can tell you.

I love the way that some pick up on the teenyest tinest thing and turn it into a thing. Yup should have done it after taunting my eldest. And yeh I'm not happy that we have to leave our kids in the care of someone else, cos we both have to work to pay for stuff.

I've been very respectful and professional, I've explained thing nicely IRL. but here you've decided some quasi notion that I'm unpleasant cos I'm venting.

Thank you to the people who understood I was venting. DW who is an order of magnitude more reasonable than me has just got up this morning and decided, we've got to give her the push before she does something worse.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2013 08:33

Why did you start a new thread, and not just continue the last one?

SpottedDickandCustard · 05/10/2013 08:34

Your DW is right, you need to get rid of her ASAP.

She is clearly totally unsuited to the role and unable to take responsibility for her actions, let alone for your children.

BTW I think calling her "thing" was quite restrained, I'd have called her a lot worse (not to her face obvs!)

Guitargirl · 05/10/2013 08:36

Give her notice and look for a nanny. You don't have to have someone living in your house. I know of families who work in the office very long hours with commute and have evening/weekend engagements that they are expected to attend with work. They have nannies who also work long hours and pay them well for it. IMO that seems to work much better than the au-pair relationship of having someone in your home all the time.