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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my reasonable fuse is about to blow

102 replies

mirtzapine · 05/10/2013 07:10

Currently my reasonable fuse is the equivalent of a six inch nail in the fusebox that's glowing red hot.

We've got a AuPair. The cultural differences are tough enough, but the rank stupidity that this idiot brings is breath-taking.

Yesterday, she left the shower running with the showerhead tucked behind the bathtaps. so the water ran down the back of the bath, and into the room below (which is her bedroom). As well as the water damage, it blew the electrics and shorted out her TV and Skybox.

So I reasonable explained that it was wrong, so she tried to argue it wasn't her (she was the last to use the shower). Its not her fault etc. The not accepting responsibility and saying the minimum of sorry - galls me.

There are also lots of other things too, that this thing does to wind me up totally the wrong way. Shortly after her arrival she started taunting my eldest by chanting lazy lazy

OP posts:
kotinka · 05/10/2013 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 05/10/2013 09:42

Wow. You're angry huh?

I can see that it's not working out, but why is she still looking after your kids when you clearly hate her?

Tbh,the shower thing sounds like an accident and not something to sack her over, the rest clearly isn't great.

Surely, 'this isn't working out is it?' would be adequate though? You don't need that ranty letter!

Btw, how much are you paying and what are you expecting?

CoolaSchmoola · 05/10/2013 09:42

My two (6 days ago) year old can get her own toys out. Just saying....

TSSDNCOP · 05/10/2013 09:43

How can a person possess Iceland chicken nuggets and be bent out of shape about Quavers Grin.

Mimishimi · 05/10/2013 09:45

Kirjava, there have been many discussions of late as to the unfair expectations placed upon AP's (who are often very young, foreign and untrained) for the amount of pay they get. The norm on here seems to be anywhere from £75 a week (in rural areas) to £120 a week (London and surrounds).

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2013 09:45

There are so many questions, i don't know where to start.

witsalmader · 05/10/2013 09:45

I love chicken nuggets but even I couldn't eat 56 of them in one go. Are you sure they weren't chicken poppets?

kotinka · 05/10/2013 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2013 09:47

Who gets up in the night for a snack and cooks 56 chicken nuggets? Confused

TSSDNCOP · 05/10/2013 09:49

Does the bag have 56 in it, or was that a significant number to stop at?

I know nothing of Icelands chicken nuggets.

peggyblackett · 05/10/2013 09:49

Stop being cheap and get a nanny.

TSSDNCOP · 05/10/2013 09:49

7 rows of 8 on the baking tray?

Youcantcme · 05/10/2013 09:49

I read your other thread op, and to be honest the ap sounds like a spoilt teenager.
Leaving wet towels for someone else to pick up.
Leaving a mess in the kitchen for someone else to clear up.
Taunting a young child (seriously??)
Not giving a hairy shit that she's damaged your property & blown electrics.
Those alone would make me get rid.

I wouldn't want her there for her notice period either, I'd pay her in leui and get rid NOW!
And your letter seems fine to me, all those bleating on about it not being professional, this is an au pair ( stroppy, spoilt teenager) and I think she needs it spelling out VERY clearly why she's being got rid off.

OP, get her out now, don't leave her with your precious children any longer....she is awful.

ExcuseTypos · 05/10/2013 09:49

Gosh you sound soooooo angry.

I have a nearly 20 year old dd. I'd hate for her to be in a foreign country, living with someone who sounds like you.

And 56 chicken nuggets? Really???

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2013 09:51

You wouldn't get that many on my baking tray.

CoolaSchmoola · 05/10/2013 09:52

Aren't AP generally expected to do about 14 hours of childcare a week and a couple of nights babysitting?

Are you sure you aren't exploiting her with all these long hours you and DW work and she is now taking the piss because YOU are with your expect actions?

Plus one of the basic principles is you treat AP as members of the family, so she should be able to sit in the living room watching tv.

Maybe she didn't eat the Iceland chicken nuggets, maybe she threw them away so noone would have to Hmm

CoolaSchmoola · 05/10/2013 09:53

*expectations

Original poster
mirtzapine · 05/10/2013 09:54

the paying peanuts line has really pissed me off... do you think we would be doing this is we had the shitloads of cash to affored good childcare. Au Pair gets 85 quid a week plus 30 a fortnight for extra grub of the sort we dont normally get and a further 15 one a month for phone And a travel card.

me and DW have around 50 quid a week between the two of us. Of which we had to do an extra Iceland shop of nearly half that cos what we would normally get through in a month of fish fingers nuggets and other stuff has been scoffed in a week. And this is on top of what we consider to be a decent food shop every fortnight.

Too fucking right I'm bitching... too fucking right I'm being an arsehole here... too fucking right I'm having a split personality cos IRL its fucking difficult and I just sure as shit don't want to blow the fuse I'm blowing here... cos it will not help me DW DD's etc

OP posts:
KirjavaTheCorpse · 05/10/2013 09:56

I dunno, my baking trays are massive.

Thumbwitch · 05/10/2013 10:00

Leaving taps on, shower head behind the taps so the water runs down the wall and into the bedroom below could have been an accident. But if it was a genuine accident, the usual response when confronted with it is "Oh God I'm so sorry" or similar, not "it wasn't me" when it blatantly was and no apology.

Her attitude sucks, never mind what she's actually done. I agree though that you don't stand a cat's chance in hell of getting her to work her notice period adequately, so terminate her contract, pay her off (I'd actually subtract something for damages but you might choose not to) and get her out. Pay for a B&B for her if necessary for a couple of nights.

Someone who can taunt a 7yo like she did is quite capable of being meaner than that to the children - after all, what has she got to lose after you dismiss her? So I wouldn't let her near them again.

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2013 10:00

Get down to Iceland and have a go Kirjava.

OP I think you need to calm down and think of your health.

TSSDNCOP · 05/10/2013 10:01

OP seriously you need to calm down. Right down.

You simply will not get decent, professional childcare for that sort of money. Well you might get lucky, but probably not IYSWIM.

We're all in the bollocks boat with cash, childcare, life in general but you need to sit down with DW and figure out a better way of balancing it out.

The thing with childcare is it has to be super, super reliable and add to family life or it just creates a whole new level of anxiety and stress to add to all the day to day stuff. You might not like the peanuts comment but there's a lot of truth in it.

Can your school do wrap around care which would negate the need for the AP? Are there any CMs locally that could look after the children?

kotinka · 05/10/2013 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mimishimi · 05/10/2013 10:06

Perhaps she cooked the nuggets on two baking trays? Is she of Scandanavian descent - maybe she thought they'd remind her of home due to the Iceland nameGrin. Maybe she burnt the first batch and cooked another. Was it the night she broke the grillpan. What did she tell you?

When I push my showerhead against the wall, sometimes a small stream of water comes out even if none was coming out when it was extended. It could have been... you know... an accident.

Whether you can afford it or not, you still (usually) get what you pay for.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/10/2013 10:06

And again...the majority of us, I imagine do not have loads of money to pay for child care.
Child care for 3 DCs was by far my biggest expense.

But..if you go down the route of having an au pair I think you need to understand what you are getting.
Au pairs are not Nannys or housekeepers.
They are young people, from another country who have come here to learn English primarily.
In order to afford this and to gain some experience and to feel more secure being away from home at a young age, they work for a family with children.
Who are supposed to treat then like a family member.

Yes, they are expected to babysit. And I'm sure some help around the house.
But you are not getting a nanny.
You have a young, inexperienced girl. And your attitude towards her is nasty.

And that letter? What was the point of stating that you are not letting her go because of these points and then listing them anyway?
Did it make you feel better?

Just tell her it's not working out. And then either accept what an au pair is, or find alternative childcare. Like the rest of the world.

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