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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just need a few other opinions on teachers' comment to boy...

331 replies

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 17:45

DS2 has long hair. About 3 inches below his collar, shorter towards front - can tuck behind his ears.
For PE it was requested he had a sweatband. I bought 2 he lost them, I forgot about it over summer.
PE has resumed and the PE teacher got mad, telling him 'If you don't have a sweatband next lesson I will cut your hair off!'
Now the boy is 7 and truly believes his mad PE teacher might chop his hair off.
It is my fault he doesn't have a sweatband. Why didn't he shout at me? I see him around school enough.
I am annoyed. DH is seething.
AIBU to want to complain? How do I address this?
Apart from get the sweatbands this weekend obviously.

OP posts:
sweetiepie1979 · 04/10/2013 20:40

Let it go it ess obviously a joke maybe he will stop flooding his sweat bands now

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 20:41

Ok. So you probably have been teaching 10 years or so. I guess the bullying teachers are more from your school days lol.

I remember my worst one actually hit me with a crutch after his knee op for a reason I can't even remember lol

Enjoy the wine.

kim147 · 04/10/2013 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neontetra · 04/10/2013 20:53

Of course it is revolting for an adult to threaten, even in jest, to forcibly cut a child's hair. I would be livid if any adult made this threat to my daughter or (had I one) my son. Think please for a second, those of you who claim this is ok, about other contexts where hair has been forcibly cut/ shaved. Then tell me this is an ok or humorous threat.
As for those of you airing your views about the inappropracy of boys having long hair, do you not feel, if it weren't so tragic and awful, that you holding this view, and even airing it on the internet, would be a little bit comedic? Laughing at you, not with you, obviously.

Floggingmolly · 04/10/2013 20:56

Catch the gay, Kim? No. It looks stupid. It just does.

LittleMissWise · 04/10/2013 20:59

I would say the teacher had had enough of asking where the sweatband was. It was week 5 since they went back to school here so I should imagine he has been asked quite a few times.

It is obvious it was a joke, and it's had the right effect because your DS has remembered to ask you about a sweatband.

For your son's sake you need to explain jokes and not taking everything literally.

TooMuchRain · 04/10/2013 21:06

No. It looks stupid. It just does.

Beautifully explained.

kim147 · 04/10/2013 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MidniteScribbler · 04/10/2013 21:11

Male or female, loose long hair is a pain in the arse at school. I detest hair flopping in the eyes, and I hate when kids spend half their time pushing their hair back and having to tuck it behind their ears which then escapes five seconds later and has to be pushed back again. If you want long hair (again, I say male OR female), it needs to be tied up for school and off your face, for all classes, not just PE.

neontetra · 04/10/2013 21:18

Threatening forcible hair cuts? What other forms of abuse are you in to, guys?

Have never heard so much ignorant, nasty, pernicious rubbish in my life ( and I have heard lots). It is not funny or entertaining to pretend this is ok. Please think, all of you, for a second about what you are advocating.

Xmasbaby11 · 04/10/2013 22:01

If he's not able to tie it back himself, cut his hair. It doesn't sound very practical.

Floggingmolly · 04/10/2013 22:08

Don't be so bloody silly, neontetra

KoalaWithAGrudge · 04/10/2013 22:20

For PE and also general school safety (don't they make him tie his hair back when eating? They do at m school!) either he goes to school with a sweatband around his wrist, and a few spares in the schoolbag (cheaper hairbands) for when he needs it tied, or he should get it cut. I presume the girls have to have their hair tied back too.

Otherwise- to a 7yo, I think unless it was obviously jokey, it's at the in between age where SOME kids will take it literally, but some won't. So you'd be careful. I wouldn't report or do anything, but maybe mention on Monday that he had taken it a bit literally. It was a heat of the moment thing and probably won't happen again, and probably after a few weeks of him having no hair tied back and nagging the 7yo about it. Yes, speaking to you would be nice, but at 7 I'd expect him to relay basic information and I would write a note and put it in his school bag too, if he forgets the first time, to make sure, but I would expect that by 7 he is starting to remember more and be able to talk to you and relay simple information better, even if a note might be needed to remind him when he goes through his bag.

NonnoMum · 04/10/2013 22:28

No - not Stepford children. More like communist children.

maddy68 · 04/10/2013 22:37

Bleedin hell I day flippant comments to kids everyday. It s a joke!!! He's not going to really do it is he?

Opalite · 04/10/2013 22:52

Oh my fucking god, I am shocked by all of the sexism on this thread

MikeOxard · 04/10/2013 22:55

He's 7, so he's been at school 2 years or so now? How long were you expecting to act as intermediary between your child and his teachers? Yabu. They will speak to him directly when he doesn't have his shit together, even though it's your fault. Get his shit together or cut his hair or stop worrying about stupid comments being made to him.

You sound very oversensitive to have such a reaction about this, and if ds' reaction was similar he is oversensitive too. You overreacting will enforce and encourage this, you should be doing the opposite and working up his confidence and rationality imo.

Nombrechanger · 04/10/2013 22:57

What Worra said..

Don't take things so seriously.

Jesus, get a grip.

SatinSandals · 04/10/2013 22:58

I think you are over sensitive, it was a flippant remark and not intended to be taken seriously.

Mumsyblouse · 04/10/2013 23:13

My dd got told off this week for the exact same thing. She was all huffy and defensive (and she got properly told off by an exasperated teacher not some lighthearted remark). The difference was that I was mortified, her bob had grown too long really and we tied it back in bunches for school this morning, as all children with longer than collar length hair are required to do at their school, not just in PE.

The idea of going into school to complain about this remark when you are in the wrong for not having bought more bands/ensured you work together to remind him to use them is just absolutely ridiculous.

Clearly your child's hair is a stance which to you is more important than following the rules for all the children in the school and you would rather encourage him to be quietly defiant (losing his bands, having you defend him). I am really quite astonished by this.

Teachers are allowed to be annoyed by children. The teacher certainly didn't mean he would chop of the hair (really, you really thought that?) but he may have been annoyed. I get annoyed with my children quite often when on the 100th time of asking they don't do something, and teachers are allowed to express a range of emotions including firmness and annoyance, within limits.

Mumsyblouse · 04/10/2013 23:25

My dd is also 7 by the way.

I find it interesting that both you and his dad immediately took umbrage instead of coming in behind the school. I apologized to my dd for not having been more proactive about the hair thing and we fixed it properly this morning.

My basic stance is always support the school unless something truly terrible is wrong with what they have done. Child gets told off- I support the teacher. Child gets more homework than they think is fair- we do it anyway. Child forgets important piece of kit and has this pointed out- that's how they learn to take responsibility for themselves. That way you will really have presence when you go in if there is something genuine to complain about. I start to feel sorry for teachers when I read OP's like this in all honesty.

goingmadinthecountry · 04/10/2013 23:48

I buy hair bobbles out of my own money. Children with long hair (girls or boys) need their hair tied back for safety in PE so that's what happens - same as earrings, either out or tape over them. No difference between girls and boys.

SayMyNameSayIt · 04/10/2013 23:58

kim147

I DON'T want my DS looking like girls.
Equally, if I had girls, I WOULDN'T want them looking like boys.

Why would I????? I have boys, they should look like boys. That doesn't include having long hair. If I want them to look like girls. I'd grow their hair, put ribbons in it, and put them in dresses.

SayMyNameSayIt · 04/10/2013 23:59

FloggingMolly
Got it in one
It. Looks. Stupid.
End. Of.

usualsuspect · 05/10/2013 00:03

What looks stupid?