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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just need a few other opinions on teachers' comment to boy...

331 replies

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 17:45

DS2 has long hair. About 3 inches below his collar, shorter towards front - can tuck behind his ears.
For PE it was requested he had a sweatband. I bought 2 he lost them, I forgot about it over summer.
PE has resumed and the PE teacher got mad, telling him 'If you don't have a sweatband next lesson I will cut your hair off!'
Now the boy is 7 and truly believes his mad PE teacher might chop his hair off.
It is my fault he doesn't have a sweatband. Why didn't he shout at me? I see him around school enough.
I am annoyed. DH is seething.
AIBU to want to complain? How do I address this?
Apart from get the sweatbands this weekend obviously.

OP posts:
UniS · 04/10/2013 19:59

I think your 7 yr old needs to learn a bit of common sense.

My 7 year old has been told by his teacher ( in my hearing) that "I will have to chop your thumbs off" if he keeps sucking them. the 7 year old grinned and took it as it was meant, as a threat that would not ACTUALLY take place , but he will be told off for thumb sucking.

jamdonut · 04/10/2013 20:00

Do you want to report him for the remark?

He probably shouldn't have said it ,but he did,and of course it was in jest.

I don't see a problem with the length of your son's hair, as long as it is properly tied back for school,just in the way girls are advised to.

If nothing else he runs a greater risk of picking up head-lice than those with shorter hair.

And teachers and TA's will tie hair back, if asked to do so by a child. They won't forcibly tie it back - children ought to be able to do it themselves with hair scrunchies or covered elastic bands.

But we don't like doing earrings because those can really hurt when they get stuck or the back gets put on wonky. However,taping them with micropore is a pain too , as children get their hair stuck in it!! The children have to be able to do those themselves.

babybythesea · 04/10/2013 20:03

I think that's a bit rude, Ilovemyself.

I say these things all the time. To my own dd. I say "If you keep talking while I am trying to tell you to do something then I will put sellotape over your mouth to keep you quiet for a moment." I say it with a big grin on my face and she grins back and carries on talking.

Nowhere does Paperclips say that she says it in a threatening manner. She may also say it with a big grin on her face, to a teen who knows full well she doesn't mean it and couldn't do it even if she did mean it, and responds with a sheepish grin back at her. If one of my teachers had said that to me, I'd assume it was a joke. I wouldn't assume she couldn't cope with the job. I would think she'd found a funnier way to remind me to bring my stuff/watch my language than "I DO NOT expect to hear any of that sort of language in my classroom again, understand?" which is far more threatening. The teachers in our school who had more respect were the ones who could joke a bit with you. Life must be very scary if you assume everyone means, literally, everything they say.

(Not commenting on whether the OP's son believed his teacher or not, just on whether Paperclips is able to have a bit of a joke with her teenage students while also telling them off, which certainly works well with most teens I know).

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 20:03

Floggingmolly. It is reporting a bully. Teachers can be bullies too - the fact he uses threats no matter how idle shows that. Let's face it - threats are a bullies stock in trade

Bowlersarm · 04/10/2013 20:08

Christ almighty ilovemyself it could have been a one off flippant comment. We've all made them. Unless you are so superior you haven't.

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 20:09

Babybythesea. Where does Paperclips say they say it jokingly. The implication is that it is not in a funny way or they would have said so - or they just want to argue.

There is no excuse for threatening angrily in any work place , schools included

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2013 20:11

Sorry, went off to have my tea.

impecunious, do you really think choosing the length of your hair is about freedom of expression? In a 7 year old? Do you think they actually understand what freedom of expression actually means at that age?

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 20:11

Paperclips. There is one thing "joking"
With a teenager. A 7 year old though?

nkf · 04/10/2013 20:12

Well, tell him she won't cut his hair and buy a load of cheap bands and put them in his PE kit. You can buy about 50 a pack in Poundland. And tell your husband to stop seething. I mean, honestly.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2013 20:12

ilovemyself I think you need to get yourself a sense of perspective - and fast,

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 20:13

Bowlersarm. Equally the teacher could be a bullying arsehole. If everybody ignored it he would be a bullying arsehole for ever.

TooMuchRain · 04/10/2013 20:13

I can't believe some of the comments on here, why on earth would you care whether a child looked like a 'boy' or a 'girl' or be embarrassed about not knowing if a child is indeed a 'girl' or a 'boy' - what sodding difference can it possibly make? (sorry OP - for what it's worth I think the teacher was OTT but no need to take it further, just buy lots more bands).

nkf · 04/10/2013 20:14

I didn't read the whole thread, but I take it it turned into some daft old freedom of choice/gender politics number. Friday night on MN. I must get a life.

OldRoan · 04/10/2013 20:14

The comment was foolish, but I get so frustrated by parents on MN saying "why couldn't they have spoken to me at home time?" Because the teacher needs to say something at the time - it isn't as simple as saying "I'll talk to mum at home time, get on with the lesson." Other children, in my experience, see that as the child being let off and think it is hugely unfair, particularly if they are as literal as your DS.

Teacher has a duty to 30 children - rightly or wrongly that means sometimes a comment will be misjudged in the heat of the moment.

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 20:15

Suburbanrhonda. If your boss made threats to you would you be happy. Even if they were idle ones.

Why should children put up with it? All it does is teach them that you can threaten people as much as you like.

babybythesea · 04/10/2013 20:17

Ilovemyself - That's just it though. She doesn't say "I shout aggressively in their face that I will wash their mouths out" either. She just said:
"This week I've 'threatened' 3 sweary teens with washing their mouths out with soap and 1 with taping a pen to his hand if he forgot it again." Note, the threatened is in inverted commas. No indication as to how it is said. You made an assumption that is was aggressive. So I made an assumption it was done in a jokey way. You then went on, based on your assumption and not on what she wrote, to tell her she was no good at her job. Which is why I said you were being a bit unkind.

nkf · 04/10/2013 20:18

You think a seven year old and his teacher have a relatonship similar to an adult and his/her boss do you? Says it all.

mameulah · 04/10/2013 20:18

If you were a PE teacher you would probably have contact with approx. 150 children a day. Your children may easily have been the 20th kid that week that caused a problem before she started teaching the curriculum to which you expect a report on his progress. What would you say? It is fair enough that s/he was annoyed. It is annoying.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2013 20:27

ilovemyself, it's not the same thing at all, and you know it.

Stick to the OP.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 04/10/2013 20:27

Oh dear ilovemyself... If you insist on typing silly things i will simply have to glue your fingers to he keyboard ;-)

Of course i said it jokingly. I teach (quite well according to my 13 years worth of graded observations but thanks for your 'constructive criticism, i may bring my anger issues up at my next appraisal) in a behaviour unit - i'd get nutted if i said it in anger!

My boss

zeno · 04/10/2013 20:27

I am so surprised at the number on this thread saying they frown upon long hair on boys. Someone up thread saying it looks stupid. Really?! Still?! I thought we'd moved on from that about 20 years ago. Do keep up people.

miaowmix · 04/10/2013 20:29

Hardly a threat fgs

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 20:29

Babybythesea. If Paperclips responds by saying it was said in a jokey way to a bunch of teenagers I would, of course, rescind my comment.

If it was said in an angry or aggressive manner I stand by what I have said.

Ilovemyself · 04/10/2013 20:34

Paperclips. I take it all back.

I just get annoyed that anyone thinks that threats or bullying are acceptable behaviour. I am sure you have to deal with it enough with the kids.

And you don't say your age, but even if you are a young teacher I bet you have seen teachers that think it is fine to bully or be on a power trip.

Have a glass of wine on me by way of an apology. :-)

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 04/10/2013 20:36

Thanks for the wine - I'm 35!!