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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a job?

12 replies

maniclady · 03/10/2013 12:34

I do not work and I have a disabled dd who I get carers allowance for. Now because of childcare I will have to work evenings and weekends but as I will lose my carers allowance we will be worse off for money. I'll also barely see dh.

But being stuck in the house is driving me crazy so I've started applying for bar work dh thinks I'm wrong as it will mean we have less money and we will have less time together. But being stuck in all the time while I have a severe mental illness two disabled children one severe one mild and a baby with ssevere speech delay is really getting on top of me.

Do you think dh is right and I shouldn't work.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 03/10/2013 12:37

I think if it's going to make you financially worse off, that will put more pressure on you and your family, so the benefit of you getting out to work would probably be negated by the financial stress?

Could you do voluntary work instead, or a night class, or something which would give you the opportunity to be out of the house - I completely get you need to do that - without the extra pressure of losing your allowance?

squoosh · 03/10/2013 12:38

You have every right to have time away from the house, it sounds as though it's pretty vital actually. But I can see your DH's viewpoint, less money and less time together as a couple doesn't sound great.

What about volunteering or doing a part time college course?

squoosh · 03/10/2013 12:39

Ooops Wilson got there before me!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 03/10/2013 12:44

similar situation, I have started a night class (there is afinnacial outlay but it gets me out of the house). I am studying upholstery as we have a garage large enough to eventually provide a workspace to work from home when the kids are in school but still be able to drop it all when dd gets sick.

jammiedonut · 03/10/2013 12:45

You need respite, but not sure if work will just add to your stress. Try and find yourself a hobby that takes you out of the home one or two nights a week. There are charities that can provide respite care to give you a break too.

PrincessKitKat · 03/10/2013 12:47

I understand the attraction to bar work rather than a hobby - I've always found it far more sociable and can be a good physical workout too.

It it possible just to give it a trial? You can always give it up if it's really not working it the finances make it unreasonable.

Original poster

maniclady · 03/10/2013 12:52

Thank you I tried applying for a college course but the course I wanted to do was full so I intend on re applying January to start in September. Voluntary work is a good idea but it's hard as it has to be in the evenings or weekend's and I haven't seen any.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 03/10/2013 12:57

Guides, Scouts, sports clubs generally (appreciate that's all DC focused though and you may want a break).

Join a political group, or a feminist group, or a music appreciation club or theatre club. Join a choir!

Beastofburden · 03/10/2013 13:30

In similar shoes re the DC- three Dc with 2 disabled. But much older - youngest is 17.

I would say that it is absolutely a good idea for your mental health to gave some outlet other than devotion to your kids. But don't rush into any old low-quality work. Antisocial stressful hours on the minimum wage are not the way forward here.

What would you really, really like to do in ten years' time? What is the route to training for that? Get a plan for your skills and check out your local FE college.

Second join a choir. Also, some regular exercise may help in managing your MH? running is free and cycling/ swimming is pretty cheap.

nennypops · 03/10/2013 13:33

Are you getting help from social services? If not, I suggest asking for a core assessment immediately. It could help with respite and other support which could give you some time for yourself.

Original poster

maniclady · 03/10/2013 13:36

These are good ideas thanks. No I was refused by social services because meer are in place.

OP posts:

ConfusedPixie · 03/10/2013 14:05

I agree with the others RE volunteering, if it will put stres son you all then it might be the way forward. Homestart would be a good option too if they are still going?

I will give a nudge towards scouts though as I'm a leader and it's fantastic Though the problem with scouts/guides is that you do need quite a bit of weekend time free during warmer months if you have an active unit as they'll be doings camps/holidays, fundraisers, voluntary work, etc.

Can you get respite? A mother's help or nanny for a few hours a week just to keep the kids entertained whilst you do something for yourself at home (or out with a nanny)? Your local colleges might run childcare courses and some like to have home-based placements lined up so you could get respite that way too?

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