To call SS?

[DontLetMeSuffercake]

Will my kids be taken away?

I really cant bare the thought of that.

Ive name changed but fuck knows why. Its so obvious who I am, my life is one big fuck off car crash. I must have been a massive cunt in a past life.

I have a 7 yo and 2 yo. The 7 yo has SN and the 2 year old has so many serious health problems its ridiculous, he breastfeeds hes on a massively restricted diet, he wakes every 30 mins (last night he managed 40 mins at one point, deep joy) and its been this way for months. Hes under specialist care and we are doing the best we can between us to remedy this.

Waking that often is a killer. But on top of that recently Im felling horrendous and Im in a lot of pain, Ive had blood tests and xrays this week because it seems to be pointing to Rheumatoid Arthritis. The tiredness is indescribable.

Im a single mum who recently got accused (wrongly) if benefit fraud. My ex lived in a caravan and stayed round 3 times a week to help me with the terrible nights. I got on the wrong side of my landlady, she reported me, they investigated, said they didnt believe me (because I couldnt prove he lived in a fixed abode, what with it being a fricking caravan). So they said declare yourself a couple or be prosecuted. So he moved in. It was horrendous and bitterly unhealthy for the children to witness.
He moved out, our good friendship damaged because of it, he is looking for flats as we speak, but cannot stay the night here ever because we are shit scared of looking like we are fraudulent again.

So, im dying of exhaustion. I cant handle any more. I know my son will wake every 30 minutes tonight, I have no friends or family within 2 hours who can help (and even if they were near I doubt they could) he one and only person who at least supported me now cant because we are scaredof getting into shit.

Im worried Im going to scream at my son tonight. What if I totally lose it?

Im fucking desperate. My life is absolute hell, I feel physically and mentally damaged by the tiredness, the illness, my sons problems and the crying and screaming in pain day in day out.

I love my sons. I absolutely hate my life.

[gertrudetrain]

Not letting me PM you back OP, you must have your settings up as I got a red hand!

Can you PM me a list of meds, your eve routine from 4 pm, sleeping arrangements (who sleeps where), no of dc's, a bit about any complications in your pg or birth, a brief descrip of the room dc2 sleeps in, what happens if someone else does bedtime routine, exact age in months and if dc attends a nursery. Can you list allergies & other health needs. Thanks xxx

[WinterCarlisle]

I have nothing useful to offer except and (hypoallergenic) . I think you're amazing for coping for so long. I really hope you get the help you and your family need and deserve. I wish I was nearer to Sussex as I'd gladly help you. One though, can you not contact the secretary of the paediatrician you're due to see and try to get an earlier, urgent appointment? Best of luck

[gertrudetrain]

Also, financially could you & ex afford 1day/ night in a hotel between you? Its just that to properly commit to a sleep programme means one of you has to have capacity and that capacity will increase if you can physically and emotionally seperate you and dc2 for a 12 hour sleep. Even if you check in at 2 and sleep until only midnight for a travelodge 49 quid it might just mean the difference between success and failure.

[x2boys]

ah sorry just thinking aloud for you all I can offer you is my sympathy I hope your little ones sleep gets better soon you will feel so much better if you can all sleep.

[MmmmWhiteWine]

I so wish I had some words of wisdom or advice for you but I'm afraid I don't. I just want to say I hope you get some rest soon and hope it helps to know you have good vibes being sent your way. Good luck xxxx

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I have to admit I blubbed on a very nice social worker today about lack of sleep.and various other things and she couldn't have been more helpful and was doing her best to help within budget constraints

[gertrudetrain]

Right all the info I need. Will PM you soon, are you getting mine? I can't tell if they have sent?!

[ghostonthecanvas]

Once you have a definitive diagnosis you may be entitled to carers allowance. You could use it for a morning's childcare every week? Also your gp should point you in the direction of support groups. SS sometines have a service where someone will take the kids out fo a while. Ask the gp if there is a befriending service. Our council has one. Volunteers come to visit and spend time with you or yoyr kids.

[gertrudetrain]

Thanks polter, wondered what was happening! Don't usually deal in PM's

[ConfusedPixie]

Hi Suffercake, have PMed you

[ChestyCoffin]

That all sounds so tough OP, your amazing for coping so long.

Can your paediatrician not point you in the direction of support or does he have a specialist nurse attached to him?

Poor little thing being in pain and being woken by it can paeds review his pain relief? I think there is a NSAID in melt form that may be easier to get into him (? Feldene)
Obviously depends on allergies.

[diaimchlo]

Dontletmesuffercake As a feloow RA sufferer I can fully empathise with the fatigue, which at times is more debilitating than the pain, my heart goes out to you. I now feel blessed that I contracted it after my DC's had grown.

I wish I could give advice but it would be no better than the wonderful MNers on here are offering.

IMO you have been a star to cope with everything. Will be thinking of you. A BIG HUG is all I can offer you xx

[BalloonSlayer]

• which bit of Sussex?

[PrimalLass]

If SS were involved then maybe they could help you with the ex staying over/benefits thing. It is ridiculous that he can't stay and help when you are on your knees.

[DontLetMeSuffercake]

Update of sorts.

Thank you, I actually cant express how grateful I am for mumsnet, the people who use it, the support Ive been given and the offers I have received (and taking up!).
As some people may recognise this isnt the first time Ive posted along these lines, been on my knees and struggled and felt like Im at a brick wall but this has been the worst so far.

Every time you all pick me up and the acts of kindness I have received are literally amazing, I hope I have or at least will be able to help someone else in the same way in the future.

I have someone helping me with DS2's sleep issues which I put into practice at nap time -with success. I felt empowered. Does this actually mean I can make a plan to stop this horrendous sleep issue? I never thought to seek out a sleep clinic as I assumed they would hear of his health problems and pain and simply say they couldnt help. I was very wrong.

Ive also had a near by nanny offer to help me out or just be company who is near by and understands the feeling of fatigue and children with health issues. This is a golden appreciated offer.

Because of the above, Im going to hold off on the SS. Although I have book marked several sites and numbers which have been suggested on here, the versions my county does.

I had my blood test results today for what we suspected to be RA and Im absolutely gutted to say they are negative. Of course I dont want RA but I desperately needed an answer for this awful joint pain and fatigue. This is the second bad flare up in the last few years and was so sure there would be RA markers.
I thought id be diagnosed and 'fixed'. Alas.

Last night was pretty terrible but better in a way. I went to sleep after my last post on here 8ish? He woke a couple of times then at 11pm he woke and didnt go back to sleep for nearly 3 hours. But after that it was relatively smooth, he woke another 4 times but its vague to me which means although I woke it was very brief. Which is good.

Tonight however, I feel a bit empowered with the help of the lovely sleep expert MNer, like I can do it because Im fixing it, not doing it and simply suffering it and seeing no end.

Again thank you all, I know I sound like a repetitive blithering twat but I cannot express how grateful I am.

[littlewhitebag]

I am glad to hear you are feeling more supported and able to cope a little better. Hopefully things are looking up. Take care of yourself so you are able to take care of your children.

[appletarts]

You need help and to be honest your kids sound like they need help too. They don't sound at risk in the SS sense so I doubt they will go on register but they do sound a bit vulnerable. I think it's always a red flag when a parent worries more about ss intervention than getting their kids the right help. If SS decide your kids need to be on at risk register then that's what must happen. Put them first now and make a call to services for help. I don't think they take kids away often!

[appletarts]

Sorry didn't read to end...silly arse! You sound like you're taking control, good on you!

[WestieMamma]

OP you may find that the pain and fatigue you are suffering from has a very straight forward cause: sleep depravation. It's very unlikely that you're getting any restorative sleep. It takes approximately 90 minutes to reach the deep sleep stage of a sleeping cycle. It sounds like you never get the chance to get there.

[DontLetMeSuffercake]

I definitely think it will be adding to it.

But I had my first bought of this about 4 years ago when sleep deprivation wasnt an issue. I do think its much worse this time because of all the added issues though, without a doubt.

[DontLetMeSuffercake]

*bout