To call SS?

[DontLetMeSuffercake]

Will my kids be taken away?

I really cant bare the thought of that.

Ive name changed but fuck knows why. Its so obvious who I am, my life is one big fuck off car crash. I must have been a massive cunt in a past life.

I have a 7 yo and 2 yo. The 7 yo has SN and the 2 year old has so many serious health problems its ridiculous, he breastfeeds hes on a massively restricted diet, he wakes every 30 mins (last night he managed 40 mins at one point, deep joy) and its been this way for months. Hes under specialist care and we are doing the best we can between us to remedy this.

Waking that often is a killer. But on top of that recently Im felling horrendous and Im in a lot of pain, Ive had blood tests and xrays this week because it seems to be pointing to Rheumatoid Arthritis. The tiredness is indescribable.

Im a single mum who recently got accused (wrongly) if benefit fraud. My ex lived in a caravan and stayed round 3 times a week to help me with the terrible nights. I got on the wrong side of my landlady, she reported me, they investigated, said they didnt believe me (because I couldnt prove he lived in a fixed abode, what with it being a fricking caravan). So they said declare yourself a couple or be prosecuted. So he moved in. It was horrendous and bitterly unhealthy for the children to witness.
He moved out, our good friendship damaged because of it, he is looking for flats as we speak, but cannot stay the night here ever because we are shit scared of looking like we are fraudulent again.

So, im dying of exhaustion. I cant handle any more. I know my son will wake every 30 minutes tonight, I have no friends or family within 2 hours who can help (and even if they were near I doubt they could) he one and only person who at least supported me now cant because we are scaredof getting into shit.

Im worried Im going to scream at my son tonight. What if I totally lose it?

Im fucking desperate. My life is absolute hell, I feel physically and mentally damaged by the tiredness, the illness, my sons problems and the crying and screaming in pain day in day out.

I love my sons. I absolutely hate my life.

If your near se London I would happily help so you could get some rest

My daughter has SN and never slept at night. I eventually called ss in desperation. They were really nice and paid for her to go to nursery 3 days a week. I'd drop her off then go home and sleep.

Home start. Yes, I saw an advert for that in the library recently. Why didnt I think of that??

littlewhitebag just before I read your reply, I re read my OP and cringed at how Id written ever detail of my life situation in there. So unfortunately yes I have written everything and theres nothing Ive not told you. Im cringing again at the thought. But desperate.

MrsDeVere thank you. Are you a social worker? Im not im East London but thank you for the offer. Im about to Google some of your suggestion to see whats in my area/get some numbers.

Ive stopped crying now anyway, and can breath. My ex is still down stairs with the boys. Ive been say here for 30 minutes, not being screamed at, jumped on because hes in pain or sucked on.

Im going to start Googling some of this now, thank you.

What a difficult situation :( I'm sorry you are struggling so much.

Can your ex take the wakeful 2 year old to his caravan? Just for one night. Do you have expressed milk in the freezer or can 2 year old have any sort of formula or otger drink/food? I don't imagine tge caravan would be suitable long term for a toddler but it sounds like a desperate situation. Your ex could stay awake all night with the toddler.

I dont think you are being unreasonable to call ss but I'm not sure they would have much help to offer :(

You poor sausage. I want to hug you, or better still, gift you 24 hours to sleep. I'm so sorry that I can't do either.

Regarding your younger child - and please don't feel obliged to answer if you feel it would out you or similar - are his health issues physical or something other?

Where I'm coming from is trying to understand whether his waking is due to physical causes (pain or other discomfort), his as yet undiagnosed SNs, or actually poor sleep habits that need to be gently corrected.

I can't help with the first two, but I might be able to help with the last.

Ok they dont have what has been suggested but my borough has their own version of it. Although, it talks about ASBO's and abusive relationships, I feel as though I dont fit the bill but I reckon they could at least point me in the right direction.

I dont even know what it is that I want, or expect or need. I mean, they cant make the toddler sleep can they? Or detatch my boobs so he can help himself (he does anyway) and I cant feel it. Or just fix his heal issues.

This is what has stopped me before, that I dont understand how anyome can help, but also usually when Im on my knees it only lasts a few days.

Unfortunately because Im physically unwell this time I have a horrible feeling it might last longer. So proably best I ask for help now.

No point being a martyr.

Cinnarbar this is where I out myself totally and completely the youngest has allergies. Which sounds simple but its so indepth, serious amd complex. Hes allergic to 29 different foods, the cold, the heat, all creams, fabrics that arent cotton, animal fur and dander, its just on and on, he suffers chronic stomach pain, severe asthma, eczema amd breastfeeds day and night. My diet is as restricted as his because of the breast feeding.

I just wish I could detatch my boobs.

I would not normally do this, dont really want a deluge of Mumsnetters PMing me but I am a sleep counsellor, Sleep Scotland trained (google it to check my credentials) If you PM me I can do a quick sleep assessment and give you some strategies, you sound on your knees my love.

I think Mrs DV is a sw and so am i. I work in child protection and this is not what you are needing. It is support and advice.

Sounds like gertrudetrain would have useful advice as a sleep counsellor.

Home start are fantastic. I was a befriender for them before i trained as a sw. An extra pair of hands and a friendly face for a chat can make all the difference. All the befrienders are parents themselves and have probably had tricky times. You can self refer to them or ask your hv to do it for you.

OK, I can see why he needs BM! But I don't see why he needs it every 30 minutes through the night - that sounds like a habit that can be fixed. I'm on my phone, but I'm going to PM you later when I'm on my laptop.

Thank you thank you thank. Will PM you now.

He totally doesnt. Pain is waking him he has boobs to comfort that

Take the boobs away and he gets himself in such a state he has a huge asthma attack.

Rock and a hard place.

When he isnt in pain, he'll wake 4-5 times a night and settle easily. This is blissful. I only wake for about 5-10 seconds. Easy.

But every 30 mins Im awake for about5-10 mins trying to get him off me.

If you get the RA diagnosis you could also look into getting direct payments through your council. You go through adult social care rather than children's. You get given an assessment then the given you the money to employ someone to assist you with the children. It's called parent enabler and it is to ensure that your children are not disadvantaged by your disability. It takes a while so it could be an option for further on. Hope it helps.

SS will not just take your children away.

They could really put some support in place to help you.

They'll be able to put you in touch with respite, short breaks or other voluntary services which could really help your situation.

Things sound really tough for you right now. Don't be too proud or afraid to ask for help.

Sorry no advice to offer but it sounds like you need and deserve a break. You are a loving mother doing the best for your sons and your life certainly puts some of the othER problEMS ON HerE into perspective. I hope you find the respite you need.

Where in the country are you Dont ?

As Insanity posted, this is who you need to talk to:

"You need to contact the Children With Disabilities Team at SS and ask for an assessment of your childrens' needs and also a Carers assessment for yourself. "

could your little one be prescribed something to help him sleep I ask this as a mother of an almost definatley autistic three your old who thankfully does sleep, but we were just discussing medication with his key worker who told me about another of her mothers whose daughter does nt sleep and the paedetrician sp? has prescribed is it melatoin? my cousins son also autistic takes this as he is a terrible sleeper you can get through so much more if you get a decent sleep I do feel for you I really do.

Ive copied and paste that now, thanks doublelife.

x2boys as far as I know Meltonin is prescribed for children with SN who actually lack that hormone. I think?

My son doesnt lack it, his health problems are what distrub his sleep. If its not one thing, its another.

But thanks for the suggestion though.

Ah, I see (re pain waking him, and then needing comfort to settle again).

How about painkillers? Are there any indicated for his condition, even short term?

(Sorry to keep firing questions at you, just trying to think aloud really.)

oh sorry its just my lo went through a patch thankfully just a few nights of not sleeping and my cousin suggested it and as far as I know he doesn't lack a hormone I presume your little one is under a paedetrician? please discuss this with them it must be exhausting for both of you and you really need to get a decent sleep for yourself and your boys.

ah if he has allergies would piriton help ?this can also induce drowsiness and can be used from the age of one?

Cinnarbar question away I totally dont mind, this is all really helping me.
He is on neurofen, which will help at the start of the night but when it wears off I cant get any more in him, we do have paracetamol suppositories but the poor thing has a fissure at the moment causing him a hell of a lot of pain.

x2boys we are seeing a paed this month I will ask him, thank you.

Polter I get DLA for my youngest son yes, thankfully. I would be in a very very bad financial situation if I didnt, the cost of it all is eye watering, it costs me £6 to bake a loaf of bread that hes not allergic to and thats 1/3 of the size of a loaf you get in the shop.

Im in Sussex.

x2boys he is on an erray of antihistamines, one of which is supposed to make him 'drowsy'. Not him though!