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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly ashamed.

77 replies

bigknickersforthepicker · 02/10/2013 16:55

I have been off fb for a long time. I didn't find it 'good' for me.

I was small before I had my beautiful daughter. A perfect size ten. I worked hard at keeping my body in shape. When I got pregnant I got serious case of the fuckits.

a few nights ago i spotted photos on dp Facebook of myself from nights out with friends over the past year. I look awful. I was so shocked I went to bed sobbing. My dc is a fully fledged toddler and i have been ignorant of my out of shape. . unhealthy. .unfit size 14-16 ..mostly 16 size.

I am disappointed in myself.

I get married in less than ten weeks and distraught that my once size ten figure will be wearing a size 18 (big boobs!) wedding dress. With such little . time there is no rectifying this.

I am so utterly ashamed. I hate how I look and sone reflection upon being faced with how bad this is has made me realise this is affecting alotm my confidence. . my life in general. I don't want tobe this for my ddaughter. She needs a role model.

aibu to feel this upset and pathetic. Worse things happen at sea..

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 02/10/2013 16:56

There is time, you could lose lb a week between now and then.

PrimalLass · 02/10/2013 16:57

Oh and me too by the way, and my baby is 5...

LaurieFairyCake · 02/10/2013 16:58

I think it's far worse that you're 'ashamed' than anything else.

Don't pass on your poor body image, be kind and treat yourself as valuable whatever size you are - that's a far better message for a young girl.

You deserve more. - do whatever you need to, to raise your self esteem. Diet if you want to, exercise if you want, buy a decent bra.

Rowlers · 02/10/2013 17:01

I get what you are saying BUT
you have two choices - let things lie and continue being miserable
OR
start NOW to do something about making you feel better about yourself.
If that means watching what you eat / exercising more, just do it.
I have been "dieting" / exercising for 4 - 5 weeks and already lost around 5 to 6 pounds.
Don't be ashamed.

You are having a little down moment, that's all.
You say "With such little . time there is no rectifying this"
Just make a decision and make a start.
Good luck and best wishes for your wedding!

Original poster
bigknickersforthepicker · 02/10/2013 17:03

I feel like postponing the wedding.

OP posts:
lilola · 02/10/2013 17:05

you could easily lose 20lb by the wedding!

Fozziebearmum2be · 02/10/2013 17:08

Agree with Rowlers-make a decision and stick to it and don't let it get you down.

No-one will be thinking badly of you in your wedding dress, and def not your hubby to be, he'll love you to pieces and be very proud to marry you as you are Smile

But, if you decide to take some action, you don't need to set yourself an unrealistic target pre-wedding, as others have said you can lose lb a week but keep up healthy eating etc post wedding for your own health.

Best of luck and don't be hard on yourself, many people fluctuate their weight at various points in their life - especially after beautiful babies. Smile

ghostonthecanvas · 02/10/2013 17:09

First of all congratulations on your child and wedding. Secondly having a child changes the way you look. thirdly I would love big boobs, not helpful You have time to shed a couple of pounds and if you can, get some serious underwear. It will tuck and lift everything for your big day. Lastly don't ever be ashamed of how you look. Ever.

Original poster
bigknickersforthepicker · 02/10/2013 17:09

Lilola is . that really feasible? My confidence is so low I don't feel like I can do anything. Does that make any sense.

Where did 'I' go?

OP posts:
BucketsnSpades · 02/10/2013 17:11

I'd rather be size 18 and marry a man who loves me regardless of my size than be a size 10 and be too self absorbed and vain to really notice who was at the end of the isle waiting for me.

Don't let this spoil your day.

Original poster
bigknickersforthepicker · 02/10/2013 17:12

Amazingly dp is crazy for me despite looking nothing like I did before I've really realised ths

good job im marrying him. I don't think anyone else would take a second look! obviously he is the love of my life anyway!

OP posts:
lilola · 02/10/2013 17:12

yep 2lb per week is recommended weight loss if you're intending to keep it off

comfyclothes · 02/10/2013 17:14

I was also getting to the larger end of a 14 and I felt awful.
I joined a gym at the end of June and I stopped eating a family size amount of chocolate everyday. Ive lost just over a stone and im fitting into a nice 12 now. I feel better than I have in a long time and more importantly I feel healthy and more alive.
All the best for the wedding when it comes!

Original poster
bigknickersforthepicker · 02/10/2013 17:17

I just have the biggest appetite and sweet tooth with apparently shit willpower.

How do I pull myself out of self-loathing and this pity party for one and believe in myself to get this done?

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 02/10/2013 17:18

what do you do for exercise?
start there.
If you go to the park with your DD, then play with her while you're there - run around with her playing with a ball, go around the climbing framewith her etc.
remember she's rather small, so you don't have to do loads of exertion to get the effect you need.

then also think about what you eat - do you find yourself snacking during the day? eat off dd's plate etc? just make mind not to do that.
eat with her, yes, but have smaller portions - so if she eats a sandwich, you also have a sandwich, not two sandwiches.
don't have a biscuit with your tea, have one sugar instead of two etc.

i think it's because you feel so bad about yourself that it seems completely insurmountable, but it's not.
if your DP thinks you're gorgeous, then I'm betting you really are. It's just your self-esteem that's taken a battering. If you do something practical, then you will feel a bit better straighht away.

CecilyP · 02/10/2013 17:18

YABU - a size 16 isn't that big and if your wedding dress in an 18 it is slightly different sizing to most shops. You could lose a little weight if you wish between now and the wedding, but there really is no need. You can still do all the things a slimmer person does (including fun nights out with friends); it's not as if you are so big it effects your health or mobility, so I don't think you should worry about not being a good role model for your daughter.

ThreeMyselfAndI · 02/10/2013 17:21

you've enough time to do something if that's what you want. I was a size 14 3 months ago and after booking a luxury holiday for next year decided to loose weight. I downloaded my fitness pal app and stuck to around 1000 calories a day, I've went from 11 stone to 9 st 13 and a size 10 with no exercise and the main thing is I am keeping it off as I don't see it as a diet.

I hope you manage to do what ever it is your aiming for as feeling like that is miserable.

liquidstate · 02/10/2013 17:25

Your DP sounds fabulous! Just like you I have gained a lot of weight over the last two years and my DH has been amazingly supportive, I am so grateful for him. I started gaining before my wedding (despite diet and exercise, I didn't realise I was ill which caused a gain in weight) and felt very pudgy on the day as had lovely slender bridesmaids. If I could do it again I would have one of the weight loss wraps just before the day to give me added confidence.

I think with 8 weeks to go you can do something though, even if you don't lose anything if you exercise and eat healthily you will feel good and probably look better as well. If you can, do look and see if there is a local bootcamp near you. They can be amazing places for support and encouragement rather than be on your own at a gym.

Also bear in mind once you get your dress fitted you have to stop losing weight so much or it will hang off you on the day, which is not a good look.

I am going to start doing something about my weight in the next few weeks. Currently a 16, I hope to be a 12/14 by Christmas.

Rooners · 02/10/2013 17:26

The role model your daughter needs could be any shape and any size, as long as you are a loving, kind, honest parent to her.

It isn't about your weight - it is about the deepest emotional connections you have with her.

Please don't feel ashamed. xx

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 02/10/2013 17:27

OP - Have a look at the 5:2 diet thread. I lost nearly a stone in about 8 weeks on it and have put a few pounds back on recently but that is all down to me being a greedy sod. Don't hang about, start now and you'll still have loads of time to get some weight off....

You shouldn't be ashamed, you OH obviously loves you but you should love you too ! Best of luck for the big day, start now and there will be a wee bit less of you on the day Grin

Want2bSupermum · 02/10/2013 17:33

I have lost and kept off a lot of weight with the Eat 2 live diet by Dr Fuhrman. I gained 60lbs with each pregnancy (had 2 DCs) and was 40lbs over my starting weight a month after having my second.

Don't think you should be trying to lose weight for your wedding so much as for you. I was upset when the weight hadn't shifted after 3 months and I realized I needed to make sure I had 'me' time.

Mogz · 02/10/2013 17:33

You are going to look gorgeous on your wedding day, in your beautiful dress, with your hair and makeup done and a sparkling smile because of all the excitement. Just look forward to that, do some healthy eating and a bit more exercise ipiver the next 10 weeks if you like but don't let the idea of your body image consume you in the run up to your big day.
After all the excitement has died down take this as your wake up call, talk to your GP, a personal trainer, anyone who can give you some good advice about starting to diet, eat better and get moving more and work towards an achievable and healthy goal.

TooTabooToBoo · 02/10/2013 17:53

I've lost 10lb in 5 weeks at Slimming Workd and my willpower is nil. I've amazed myself.

Start now, find a local group and go THIS week.

Having said that, do it for the right reasons and NOT because you think you have to for 1 day.

Good luck!

TooTabooToBoo · 02/10/2013 17:54

I've lost 10lb in 5 weeks at Slimming Workd and my willpower is nil. I've amazed myself.

Start now, find a local group and go THIS week.

Having said that, do it for the right reasons and NOT because you think you have to for 1 day.

Good luck!

Thants · 02/10/2013 18:02

Please do not be ashamed of yourself. Your body is not bad in at way it is simply different. How you look physically is of so little importance yet as women we are constantly judged on our appearance above all else.
Please focus harder on other parts of your life, your friends, family, work, education, hobbies. Take up volunteering! Writing! Music! These things can help you see your worth as more than the way you look. And no more mags and gazing in the mirror!