to be utterly ashamed.

[bigknickersforthepicker]

I have been off fb for a long time. I didn't find it 'good' for me.

I was small before I had my beautiful daughter. A perfect size ten. I worked hard at keeping my body in shape. When I got pregnant I got serious case of the fuckits.

a few nights ago i spotted photos on dp Facebook of myself from nights out with friends over the past year. I look awful. I was so shocked I went to bed sobbing. My dc is a fully fledged toddler and i have been ignorant of my out of shape. . unhealthy. .unfit size 14-16 ..mostly 16 size.

I am disappointed in myself.

I get married in less than ten weeks and distraught that my once size ten figure will be wearing a size 18 (big boobs!) wedding dress. With such little . time there is no rectifying this.

I am so utterly ashamed. I hate how I look and sone reflection upon being faced with how bad this is has made me realise this is affecting alotm my confidence. . my life in general. I don't want tobe this for my ddaughter. She needs a role model.

aibu to feel this upset and pathetic. Worse things happen at sea..

Come to the Chiefs thread if you're looking for support. They're an amazing bunch of dudes. We don't have a set of rules, all going about making ourselves fitter and thinner our own ways.

There's someone on the thread most days.

It will be ok. I lost some weight, but not a lot, for my wedding a couple of years ago. I am two dress sizes smaller now but I don't see me as fat in the pictures I look shiny, unwrinkled and plump with happiness and expectation. Spanx were my friend.

We're on the weight loss bit.

Could you link me.. I struggle to navigate mn on my phone!

Hope this Works

It does. Feck me. I'm a computer genius

Harhar! Thank you!

Please don't feel ashamed of yourself! Always remember that your DH loves you regardless.

After my DS1 I went to WW and lost 31lbs in 17 weeks. I went from. 11st to 8st 11, that was with no exercise at all so with exercise I reckon you could achieve anything up to 2 stone in a healthy way.

Definitely agree that you have to feel ready for it though, don't feel pressurised into it.

You're all telling the op not to feel bad and ashamed but then still telling her how she can change and that she needs to. This is really depressing and just shows how entrenched the idea that a women's worth is in her appearance.

I don't think anyone's suggesting the OP should change (I wasn't), but just that she can, if she wants to (and it sounds like she does).

If she'd come on here saying 'AIBU to have gained weight but to be totally happy with it?' I for one would have said YANBU.

It's ok for a woman to want to be slimmer or fitter, but not ok to feel ashamed, IMO.

Lose weight that 8 weeks is sufficient time. Whether OP opted for some form of loss programme or not, I think most decent people would still be encouraging OP to do something to boost her confidence. Stop stirring please

Don't know where the first part if my post went!

Thants As far as I see here, posters have merely informed the OP that if she opts to lose weight that 8 weeks is sufficient time...

Of ffs!

Thants I totally disagree, if the OP is unhappy and wants to do something about her weight then all the people on here are doing are supporting her. I cannot find any post where anyone has suggested the OP should and has to change.

That is the sort of post that gets peoples backs up on MN.

If the OP was happy with her weight then everyone would be supportive of that but she feels/may be unhealthy and wants to do something about it.

It's the sort of thing that gets people backs up on aibu? I thought the point of that was debate. Sorry but you are being unreasonable.

Try not to feel ashamed - it's just food, you don't need to feel guilty about it. There's nothing immoral about liking cake. As for being a role model, I understand that feeling. I gained a lot of weight with both my pregnancies and have only lost it this year - DDs are 4 and 5. But, I wasn't ready to lose it before. When I was ready, I joined Slimming World and for me it worked. I've lost 4 stone this year, and for me that's been fantastic.

One thing that has been very important to me, both before, during and since losing the weight, is that I don't talk about my weight at all in front of the kids. If they ask at all about what I'm eating, I've said that I'm eating slightly differently because of my gallstones (which was also true, although I've had the surgery now, thus my constant MN presence this week!)

I'm hesitant to jump in with my 'diet recommendations' because I don't feel that the diet industry or the constant pressure on women to conform to particular body types is either healthy or interesting, but I also know how feeling 'fat' feels. And with Slimming World I was never hungry, I got to have treats and go out for meals and things, and I'm confident of keeping the weight off. I do wish someone had told me about it years ago!

You are not debating the issue or giving the OP advice, you are slagging off other peoples advice.

Just wanted to come back and let everyone know that all your responded were really helpful and appreciated.

I genuinely believe though can't take my own advice that every woman should be able to reach a state of acceptance and happiness regarding their looks regardless of their weight. I wish. .wish I could do that how I am now.. but I cannot. I know where I need to be to achieve it.

for whats it's worth. despite enjoying being a small ten previously I actually preferred being a 12. So ladies I hope you don't think im advocating skinny is pretty either. My best friend got married recently and I was sojjealous of how stunning and happy and confidentshe looked at 14 .

x

I get you bigknickers.

I think it is 'normal' to feel unhappy with a change which is fairly significant, especially for women who have always been a particular size. I am a small, short person who has always been within a particular dress size range. I admit I would find it distressing to become larger or smaller by several sizes, and I would probably want to do something to try and change it. I don't think that makes me a traitor to the feminist cause- just that I know what size is healthy for me and would rather stick as near to it as possible.

By the same token, I have some friends who are large, and have always been large. They are beautiful and happy as they are and I wouldn't dream of advising them on how to lose weight.

jeez. . typo galore.. toddler bouncing over me!

we understand, big. It's all about what's right for you.

Stay happy, have fun, have a great wedding

In the last 8 weeks, I've lost 1st 3lb - no starving or silliness - slimming World (at home not paying!) or calorie counting should do it. You know what to do, good luck doing it!

www.radiotimes.com/news/2012-02-28/michael-mosley-three-minutes-of-exercise-a-week-will-keep-you-fit

www.ideafit.com/fitness-library/cutting-calories-calcium-0

I saw a TV documentary about these two things - people had great results. I've never tried myself (scrawny old bird)

Atkins! It's amazin AND you can eat LOADS! I lost 10lb in the first week and 2-3lb after that EASILY! It also curbs sugar cravings - Worth looking into...

haha i sound like one of those dodgey adverts that spams social sites - I'm not! haha