AIBU to want to tell people to F*** the F*** of when they comment on my crying baby in public.

[bumpandkind]

Colic, reflux, a grouchy baby on the bus..... Why do so many people feel the need to pass judgement on your parenting skills every time your baby crys in public. My own experience range from old women leaning over to shake my buggy all the way to men asking what's wrong with my baby?!! Worst of all, a bus driver warning all boarding passengers that there was a crying baby on the bus.

Oh It's so hard, but try not to swear at them! I remember being stopped by about 8 separate well meaning ladies in M&S food hall one day. All of them telling me dd2 must be hungry. I really wanted to scream at them, I was only in there 3 minutes trying to buy dinner that I could eat with a howling baby on my lap. She wasn't hungry anyway, I had fed her about 19 times in the last 4 hours. (slight exaggeration of course)

YANBU. I once followed a miserable old git round Waitrose, almost pinching dd to cry when near him. Don't let them get to you. It passes.

YANBU, pita the lot of them.

Mrs W, in my experience they are in South London supermarkets! What really gets my goat is that the majority are men.

Gin lush, are you suggesting I put my enemies in pitta bread!

I was on a bus so not very safe

Do it do it do it. Ya prob bu but it would be well deserved!

Some of those people maybe were trying to be helpful, particularly rocking the pram. Maybe the bus driver thought he was lightening the mood and trying to save you from feeling embarrassed or something.

There are numerous times I've seen threads on here saying why don't people try to help rather than huffing and tutting. Sometimes us old women can't win, damned if we do and damned if we don't

It's hard dealing with a colicky/fussy/shouty baby. Believe me, I know. I had the gold medal winner on the crying olympics.

But telling people to fuck the fuck off won't help.

They aren't judging you. Honestly. When I see a screamy baby now, I don't judge - I'm just glad I'm not the parent in charge. Now I try to engage with the parent and empathise - because I've been there. But maybe my empathy is seen as judgement.

It doesn't help to be defensive. Try to embrace the public interest/concern. It's hard but just engaging with people around you will help to put the crying baby into perspective.

And trust me, grouchy baby will stop crying. Mine is all grown up now, and I'm quite nostalgic for the grouchy baby days.

Take care.

I've experienced this loads. I know it's well-meaning but people need to keep quiet unless specifically asked for advice!!

I have 3 DC and I've been a parent for 21 years

In all that time, I've had a few comments but they were all well meaning.

However at the time when I was stressed out, I probably didn't see it that way.

Don't sweat the small stuff OP, people will sometimes comment but I doubt they mean any harm.

I seriously doubt they are passing judgment on you, after all they are strangers. Rather perhaps in their own way they trying to be supportive, but failing. Life can be lonely for new mums and it is hard to see a stressed mum and crying baby without wanting to offer some sort of human interaction.

I agree with running. Good post.

Thanks running, maybe one day i too will be nostalgic for these halcyon day of baby rearing! Timid, I hear you and I hope I can tell the difference between well meaning and the irritated/uncomfortable masses. Unfortunately people are very disturbed by the sound of a crying baby especially men.

If I saw a person with a crying baby in a pram I'd not dream of commenting but I would wonder why the bejesus they weren't cuddling it

Bump if you want to put them in a pitta feel free...

I do remember believing that all mothers knew how to silence a wailing child before I had my own!

Vashta, that is exactly it! Although I don't having parenting down to a tea I don't want people telling me to put something in its mouth ( he doesn't take a dummy) or to wrap him up when it's 30degrees! For the record I wouldn't/ couldn't tell anyone to F* off, I just feel like it!

Why is it dangerous to get a baby out of its pushchair on a bus? I've always taken my babies out of the pushchair on public transport as it reduces the upset. Obviously, if it is a very short distance it wouldn't be worth it.

I think men can have an opinion on crying babies - they might be experienced Dads or work with children.

I had an awful crying episode (both of us, eventually) with my then 4 mo DD in a cafe. Lots of nice ladies came over to reassure me, then one rather stern looking lady said to me, after we'd ruined her nice quiet cup of tea, "It will get better - I'm off to meet my grown up daughter now". :) She was right - DD is only 4 yo, but seems very grown up now.

Dangerous to get a baby out of a pushchair on a bus?

How do you think we all managed before pushchair spaces?