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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to tell people to F*** the F*** of when they comment on my crying baby in public.

57 replies

bumpandkind · 01/10/2013 21:19

Colic, reflux, a grouchy baby on the bus..... Why do so many people feel the need to pass judgement on your parenting skills every time your baby crys in public. My own experience range from old women leaning over to shake my buggy all the way to men asking what's wrong with my baby?!! Worst of all, a bus driver warning all boarding passengers that there was a crying baby on the bus.

OP posts:
runningonwillpower · 01/10/2013 21:48

Bump - the thing is, we are programmed to respond to crying babies. That's how babies survive. So we respond, even when it's not our baby.

The problem with men is that they usually don't have a clue - yeah, I know, I'm generalising but...............

QueFonda · 01/10/2013 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bumpandkind · 01/10/2013 21:50

Rotter, I know what you mean but when you're running late and have given all the cuddles you can in the frozen veg isle, there comes a point that you just want to get home! Now I tend to use a sling when out for the constant cuddle experience. It's the only quietness guarantee!

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 01/10/2013 21:54

I think that they maybe more true when talking about an older generation of men but I think things have changed a lot now and they sometimes have more of a clue. A baby/toddler group I go to has about 25% SAHDs and lots of Dads drop/off and pick up at my DS's school.

Smartiepants79 · 01/10/2013 21:54

See this kind of thing has never really bothered me. I've never encountered it in a negative way. I quite like the old ladies interacting with my baby and me. It makes my baby smile and as I'm often on my own its quite nice to have a chat with someone.
I think most people are well meaning or just curious.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 01/10/2013 21:59

With my first, I cringed and apologised and justified; with my fourth, I put on a bright smile and said, either "He's just hungry/tired/bored" or "Poor chap, he's my fourth and we just have to get on with things", both sentences finishing the conversation. A crying baby is no fun whatsoever, but, if I know him to be fed/clean/safe, sometimes he has to cry or I wouldn't go anywhere or get anuthing done. That said, over the years, there have been genuine understanding comments, which I have appreciated, to mitigate all of the sort mentioned above. YANBU .......

Rotterwallah · 01/10/2013 22:02

Yeah I know bump It's really hard and when your baby is crying its just impossible to concentrate on anything or even string a thought together. They're designed that way!

It gets better and in just a few months it'll all be a distant memory :)

Have you got a wrap sling? I found one invaluable

VomitingVeronica · 01/10/2013 22:04

I want to be minshu's stern lady one day! Dd is 4 months and a howling feed refuser because of reflux, I HATE well meaning people telling me dd must be hungry/tired/over stimulated etc, it has only happened twice with her and once with ds but it makes my blood boil!

NEVER ever say something like that to a sleep deprived person who is probably on the edge of it all because of sleep deprivation anyway, it doesn't help, they do know your baby or its routine/habits better than you! Shut up AND HEAR ME ROAR!

That felt good, thank you! ;)

VomitingVeronica · 01/10/2013 22:05

Did I mention the sleep deprivation?!!

VomitingVeronica · 01/10/2013 22:06

Oh bugger. They do NOT know...

VomitingVeronica · 01/10/2013 22:07

Can't think of anything more to correct now, just posting for the fun of it!

VomitingVeronica · 01/10/2013 22:07

Should us top drinking now?

VomitingVeronica · 01/10/2013 22:08

Argh, 'should I stop drinking now'! Answer - clearly!

Goldenbear · 01/10/2013 22:09

No I doesn't really bother me either. One occasion it was slightly irritating was when my DS had just started school, He was a young one for Reception year and he was shattered as a result, I made the mistake of shopping in a supermarket after his first day at school. He wanted an ice cream as I had promised a treat for 'marking' his first day at school. They had run out of the one he wanted and he just broke down about it. I was quite shocked as he wasn't probe to tantrums at 4. An oldish man asked me what was up, I responsed by starting with, 'well he wanted an icecream' but before I could finish he said, 'you'd better get him one then hadn't you.'. He thought I'd said no to the request- that was irritating!

zower · 01/10/2013 22:13

i only comment when the baby is just being ignored, why shouldnt i be concerned if the baby is obviously distressed. ususlly the parent doesn't care about the other passengers having to endure the distressed crying or screaming whilst the parent blithely ignores her offspring

Catsize · 01/10/2013 22:21

I had this a lot. My son cried, slept and ate. No nice gurgly bits that I remember. Bad colic. Cranial osteopathy helped.
I particularly remember one woman at an outdoor museum glaring a lot and finally walking about 50yds over to me to ask 'what's wrong with it?'.
I replied 'I don't know. Why don't you ask him?'.
Became my stock answer and usually worked.
Same child is how the most contented, happy, chilled and entertaining little toddler.
Good luck OP! Brew

fatfingers · 01/10/2013 22:22

Well, having to listen to a crying baby all the way through a bus journey is irritating. I think people want to see parents making some sort of effort to console the child rather than just leaving it to cry.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 01/10/2013 22:23

runningonwillpower I know what you mean about being programmed to respond, I've never been able to articulate it before!

I'm not a mum and I don't want to be, but when I hear a baby cry I so want to run over and pick them up and soothe them. It feels primal. I don't actually do it, obviously. Grin

Original poster
bumpandkind · 01/10/2013 22:35

Capsize thank you so much . We are on our second session of cranial osteopathy and seeing a difference already.

OP posts:
Catsize · 01/10/2013 22:47

bump, I am really pleased. I am pregnant at the moment, and will be taking this one for some head mashing regardless within a couple of weeks of birth! Wish you all the best.

Choos123 · 01/10/2013 22:57

Personally, I am always over sympathetic when I see/hear a crying baby, brings it all back, find it hard to do the British thing and ignore it!

glampinggaloshes · 01/10/2013 22:58

It's nature. Very simple. We have evolved to not ignore a crying baby. If one was ever abandoned we would have to respond. Its certainly not personal.

glampinggaloshes · 01/10/2013 22:59

X post with running

hettienne · 01/10/2013 23:02

If the baby is crying and you are not really doing anything, then it is upsetting/infuriating for people. I bet the pram-rocker was having to restrain herself from actually picking the baby up!

misdee · 01/10/2013 23:08

last week, dd5 who has been in various slings since birth, kicked off in sainsburys. on my back. involving hair pulling and scratching me. she screamed the whole way round the shop. i rushed through as quickly as i could. dh works there and he said he could tell it was her. i had several people stop and ask me if she was ok.

that was my one and only time of feeling judged for having a screaming baby. because she is massive, was strapped to my back and screamed solidly. turned out she was over tired and going down with a bug, fighting sleep, because she fell asleep in the car and slept for 3 hours at home. her temperature rose overnight and she was unwell for a couple of days :(

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