To think it's not ok to make me feel pfb when I say I don't want to cry it out

[fairy1303]

Sorry, thread title doesn't make sense.

I am getting so so sick of everyone my mothers generation (and some mine!) telling me constantly to 'just leave him to cry'.

DS is 14 weeks old. He is generally a great, contented baby. He has had reflux and so does get fussy after feeds, but that's it.

Once when he was crying for ages, I phoned my mum at end of my tether - she told me to put him in pram in other room and leave him. He was 6 weeks old.

When I said I'd rather not do that, she was and told me if I gave in to him I would make a rod for my back!

I get variants of this from mother in law, aunts etc etc and it's driving me crazy.

Snide comments about it etc.

AIBU getting irritated by it? They make me out to be some neurotic pfb mother who 'panders' to him!

Yanbu I get this with my DD and I just say maybe we'll see and never do

Pretty sure side sleeping is actually contravening guidelines. What awful advice, and IceBeing is right about 14 weeks being prime time for SIDS, please don't follow that OP! A rolled up blanket at the top end of the cot/ basket whilst DC still slept on their back would surely be safer.

winteron oh well as long as it was an honest opinion we should all I suppose ignore the fact it is down right dangerous and irresponsible...

vitriol?...well, well. you should have read my first 5 versions....believe me you got off lightly.

As for giving MN a bad name...I would think people trotting out 'oh well in my day' bollocks that is now considered dangerous is far more likely to give MN a bad name than reiterating safe sleeping advice as currently recommended by NICE.

Yes, the back-to-sleep advice is responsible for a 70% decrease in SIDS number (read that on a leaflet from my hospital when I had DS). We slept ours propped up on triangular pillows, til we got a sling. I can really recommend a sling.

Winter, I don't see the vitriol, just a strongly worded response to your probably not thought through advice.

Bloody hell. I thought winter's post was very measured - a "here, this worked for me, just an idea, but be aware it does contravene current advice/best practice". The responses were...less measured. Any post that contains "how would you feel if the OP followed your advice and lost her baby?" is kind of the definition of "not very measured", I think.

FWIW, at 8 weeks DS was admitted to hospital with bronchiolitis and the nurse propped him up on his side to sleep, with a rolled towel under him. She said I should carry on doing it at home until he was better. However, she was very careful not to prop him up at too sharp an angle and she emphasised that it should only be done with his top covers tucked in VERY tight over him, to minimise the risk of him rolling on his tummy, which would be Bad.

When someone gives advice that could directly lead to a baby dying I think it is important to make posters consider the potential consequences of their 'well meaning' advice.

When people say 'oh we did it all the time in my day and no one died' they are almost always lying (think seat belts, baby seats, vaccinations as well as tummy sleeping).

I think MN would be a better place if more people thought through the potential consequences of someone actually following their advice. You aren't chucking this stuff into the vacuum..and the fact that your own children survived your parenting decisions is no guarantee that someone else's will.

I entirely agree, people can be a little too blasé with the "we did it all the time and no one died" thing, particularly when it's the older generation saying it, in a highly dismissive tone of voice that makes it clear they think you are being an idiotic, neurotic, paranoid overprotective, naive young mum who doesn't know which end of the baby to put the milk in and which to put the nappy on stabstabstab.

However - balance in all things. If parents do not follow current care guidelines in all respects, to the letter, at all times, it is not guaranteed that all their babies will immediately die as a direct result. Give people the facts (and your own experience is completely valid here, as long as it is flagged as such, as it was in this case) and let them make up their own minds. At some point in the future, care guidelines will change and some aspects of how we do things now will look hopelessly naive. Which isn't to say there's no point to it - every generation just does the best it can according to the best available evidence at the time and when the evidence improves, we change our practices in response.

Where I might possibly be going with all this is that I'm 29 weeks pregnant and I would bloody love a good excuse to drink a Guinness every night like our mums allegedly used to do

Practice saying 'Thanks, but I've decided how to deal with it and I'm sticking to that'. Broken record. Repeat until they stop.

Could DC have colic? I've heard wonderful things about baby massage for soothing newborns.

punt I do strive for balance....and SIDS 'only' kills a baby every other day in the UK... I had already mentioned in a previous post that there are balancing risks attached to not getting any sleep and having to look after a baby. But I still stand by asking posters to think how they would feel if someone took their advice and there were tragic consequences...

You can say there are other risk factors to consider without saying 'oh just ignore the advice, it will be okay'.

if you phoned me up 'at the end if your tether' with a crying baby I would definatly tell you to put baby in a safe place and leave the room for a short time.

that's sensible so you can calm down, get a cuppa, ask someone else to take the baby for a while.

it's quite acceptable to give advice when asked but what you do with that advice is up to you.

14 weeks is, in my opinion, far too young to attempt sleep training but for me personally controlled crying saved my sanity and health. mine were 1 year or so though.

punt, love your last paragraph.

god almighty just read how some posters had their way physically blocked by relatives to stop them getting to their babies.

totally fucking unbelievable that anyone else dares to do this to a mother.

we all have different approaches and each one is right fir that mother and that baby.

no one else's business if you cc or don't. co sleep or don't. bf or ff or don't.

icebeing I think we're in violent agreement - balance in all things!

thebody