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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be worried about Pil taking the kids abroad without us, as we will be away

24 replies

Longhotsoaks · 30/09/2013 10:02

For the first time without our children.

We have a chance to go somewhere very special next year and it means we won't have the children it could also be a last minute honeymoon.

I am panicking because I don't know if I want them to take responsibility abroad plus the kids have never been abroad or with us even.

I would be more comfortable with them looking after them at home but it scares me they want to take them abroad what do I do.

Also our children have never been left with anyone more than one night .

OP posts:

meditrina · 30/09/2013 10:07

Well you can easily stop them being taken abroad by keeping their passports with you.

Why are you worried that your PILs would try this?

If you don't trust them to look after your DC, is there anyone else you could leave in charge?

Original poster

Longhotsoaks · 30/09/2013 10:09

I trust them I just am no happy about them taking them abroad.

They have hinted they want to take them.

OP posts:

MortifiedAdams · 30/09/2013 10:11

Surely they would discuss taking them abroad with you?

pooka · 30/09/2013 10:11

How old are the children? If school age, and you are not keen, then you could emphasise the likelihood that school will not authorise term time holiday.

What specifically are your concerns?

If you are presumably happy for the pil to look after your children, what difference does it really make whether they are at home or on holiday? It ought actually make it easier on dcs if they are abroad on holiday in terms of missing your presence at home.

Is it a case of you being concerned that they will have a "first" holiday with other people rather than with you?

jacks365 · 30/09/2013 10:11

Am I right in assuming that they wish to take them on holiday for a treat while you are away? What are your actual issues with that? Why does it make you uncomfortable?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/09/2013 10:11

How old are the children? If you're not comfortable with them being taken overseas, just say so.

pooka · 30/09/2013 10:13

From y perspective, if dh and I were going away and dcs being cared for by my mil or my own parents, then I would trust them to act entirely in loco parentis and wouldn't have any concerns about their ability to take them abroad. I trust them at home. I'd trust them away. I think my dcs woud love this.

MrsCakesPremonition · 30/09/2013 10:13

Talk to them.

pooka · 30/09/2013 10:14

Could you maybe build up contact a bit so the dcs stay with grandparents for two or three nights in the time you've got between now and your holiday?

Original poster

Longhotsoaks · 30/09/2013 10:17

My children are under 9 , I think it's because they have always been with me I have never left them for more than one night with anyone.

I trust them they would look after them like they were there own, they would take them in half term, so. Would not need to take them out of school.

I guess it's me I don't know if I can be separated from them.

OP posts:

pooka · 30/09/2013 10:21

Well that would apply as much if they were at home with the pil as if they were away on holiday with pil. So the best thing to do is to have perhaps a dry run of a couple of nights maybe this half term, or a Friday night to Sunday to see whether you think you'll be comfortable leaving them.

Personally I think that time with grandparents can be brilliant for kids, and the by product of this is that you have time for yourselves. Not a bad thing or a suggestion that the dcs arent the main focus of your life, but time apart can be healthy too.

SoupDragon · 30/09/2013 10:22

I guess it's me I don't know if I can be separated from them.

Well, that's going to make the "last minute honeymoon: trip rather tricky whether the PIL take them abroad or not :) You need to work out what exactly your problem is with the scenario and think about how/whether it is solvable.

SoupDragon · 30/09/2013 10:23

Perhaps I should have used a different phrase to "what your problem is" I didn't mean anything nasty by that.

MrsCakesPremonition · 30/09/2013 10:23

If you aren't sure you can be separated from them, then that is something you will have to confront even if your DCs stay in the UK while you and your DH are away.

I think pooka's idea of gradually building up contact is an excellent one. Start with a one night sleep over and build up to a weekend. Your DCs will have school residential trips coming up over the next few years - so it is something that needs tackling rather than avoiding.

iwantanafternoonnap · 30/09/2013 10:30

They will have a ball and I wouldn't worry about it. Let them go and have fun with their grandparents.

WilsonFrickett · 30/09/2013 10:31

So you have a child of at least 9 who you have never been away from for more than a night?

OK. That makes me a bit but of course each to their own. In this situation I can quite see how both of you being away in different countries will feel very scary. So you have to build up to it. Send them to GPs for a couple of nights one weekend and build up to a few nights away over the next holidays.

You may also find the GP's find prolonged visits harder work than the one night they're used to and they'll decide not to go abroad.

Original poster

Longhotsoaks · 30/09/2013 10:33

Ok I'm worried they will go with sip and there kids and mil will end up looking after their kids and it's been done before and something will happen.

If they don't go with them and go alone it worries me we are only going for a few days and they will be gone with our children for a week and I will be at home thinking about them and wandering what's happening.

I can not believe I am in such a panic about this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Longhotsoaks · 30/09/2013 10:36

Yes I know it's hard to believe yes my dc has only been away I lie maybe 2 nights from me in their lives I do everything with my children and have never been away on my own or with dp without them.

Yes not healthy not sure why I'm like this, sad I know.

Thank you for all your ideas and for listening.

OP posts:

Original poster

Longhotsoaks · 30/09/2013 10:37

Soup dragon no offence taken

OP posts:

diplodocus · 30/09/2013 10:39

Wilson - not everyone has the opportunity for overnight care. I'm sure we'll be in that situation when DDs are 9 and it's nothing to do with our choices. They'll have done sleepovers and school overnight trips, but we don't have family who can take them for longer.

FlapJackFlossie · 30/09/2013 10:46

If you really are that worried then turn down your chance in a lifetime and stay at home. That way you won't be worried.

babyboomersrock · 30/09/2013 10:47

I'd feel the same in your position, OP, and as a grandparent, I wouldn't dream of taking two young children abroad. Why on earth would they want to do that? Why can't they just holiday in the UK?

Your children would be just as happy playing on a UK beach, or at their grandparents' house, and you'd be able to go and collect them if it didn't work out.

babyboomersrock · 30/09/2013 10:53

as for Yes I know it's hard to believe yes my dc has only been away I lie maybe 2 nights from me in their lives I do everything with my children and have never been away on my own or with dp without them.

Yes not healthy not sure why I'm like this, sad I know.

Says who? Don't let other people dictate to you. In what way is it sad or not healthy?

Yes, some people do have holidays without their children or feel they need time for themselves - it isn't compulsory to feel that way. And if you are not happy about letting your children go abroad without you, don't let them go.

Weller · 30/09/2013 11:01

Is this the issue or have you not yet come to terms with going away yourself or feeling guilty. I have not been away without DC's and I know I would guilt my self stupidly as I have no problems with other doing it.

Flip