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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be so sad about the fact that women can't just be happy with their bodies.

64 replies

justanothernotsoyummymummy · 29/09/2013 15:39

The thin ones are told they're not "real" because they don't have curves.

The heavier ones are told they need to follow fad diets to become thinner.

Why can't we just be encouraged to lead a healthy lifestyle and to embrace our figures for what they are?

It really upsets me. Sad

OP posts:
gaggiagirl · 29/09/2013 15:41

Yanbu.

DurhamDurham · 29/09/2013 15:49

I struggled with my body image for years, despite never being more than a size ten I was convinced I was fat. Since having my two girls I have tried and succeeded in hiding my insecurities. They have grown up to be confident and at peace with their shape. That is why I am so angry that my dd1's boyfriend of two years decided to tell her she could do with 'worrying about her weight a bit more'!!!! This was out of the blue, not on the back of an argument and she was devastated. I could cheerfully kill him right now.
He has upset my daughter with one comment and although she told him to f**k off she has since said that he must have a point or he would not have said it.

TheOrcHeadKeeper · 29/09/2013 16:31

How would the beauty and diet industry make it's money if it didn't send out negative messages?

They have a vested interest in making people insecure and unfortunately hold a lot of sway because of the amount of money their industry is worth in this country and in many others. It's shit though.

Original poster
justanothernotsoyummymummy · 29/09/2013 16:49

Oh Durham Sad What a jerk. You need to keep reminding your daughter that she is beautiful no matter what. Is she still with this boyfriend?

OP posts:
thebody · 29/09/2013 16:52

it's not just women and girls though is it? men and boys worry too. it's human nature.

thebody · 29/09/2013 16:55

can understand your fury with that lad though. I would have spat feathers

Dancingqueen17 · 29/09/2013 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DurhamDurham · 29/09/2013 16:57

She is still on speaking terms with him but hasn't seen him since. She hasn't decided what to do but has said that even if they were to stay together she knows now that it won't be for keeps, they were planning on moving in together next year. How can she be with him now, wondering what he is thinking when they are together?
She has just turned 20 and is a gorgeous girl, a v normal size 12, the same size she was when she met him.
He is constantly calling her and texting to say how much he misses her and how sorry he is. I hope he has learnt his lesson and doesn't treat his next gf in the same way.
The shame is that until now he has been great, they rarely argue and seem to genuinely enjoy each other's company.
Pleased he has shown his true colours now before they move in together.

Tee2072 · 29/09/2013 16:58

It's not human nature. It's society.

I have no problem with my body. I also read very few magazines and rarely watch commercial TV.

I do watch what I eat and I'm trying to lose weight, but that's because of my diabetes, not because I'm trying to look like some "ideal woman".

You have to find yourself. Then you won't care. It took me about 40 years.

jasminerose · 29/09/2013 16:59

I have no problem with my body at all. Im not really in to the magazines and see through the fact its all just making money out of peoples insecurities

emuloc · 29/09/2013 17:00

I get tired of the phrase "real women" which is offensive to me as a person of slim build. Am I not a woman because I do not weigh 16 stones?

thebody · 29/09/2013 17:03

I think there are very very few people who have 'no problems' with some area of their body or face.

I have yet to meet one.

jasminerose · 29/09/2013 17:05

I am totally happy in how I look. I would never have plastic surgery or change anything even if I won the lottery. Its pretty having things that make you look individual not everyone looking the same.

SunshineSuperNova · 29/09/2013 17:07

emuloc I weigh a shade under 16 stone and we're both real women. Anyone saying a woman isn't a real woman because of her size is a nitwit and can stick it up their arse.

YANBU OP.

ziggiestardust · 29/09/2013 17:08

Mmm, I think the sentiment is admirable, I really do. I think I worry less now that I have my DS; I'm 5ft 8in and wear a size 12 on top, 14 on the bottom. I think that's ok. I eat when I'm hungry; that's it .

But you get weight threads on here occasionally where people say 'don't kid yourself, you're overweight', and yes, tbh I could happily drop 10lbs to get myself into the 'right' weight bracket. But I'm ok with myself. I look and think 'yeah, you'll do'.

emuloc · 29/09/2013 17:11

Thank you SunshinesuperNova.

IfYouLoveSomebodyLetThemSleep · 29/09/2013 17:18

It is sad, so yanbu.

I think about stuff like this a lot, yet I still find myself unhappy with my body and appearance and I KNOW there is nothing wrong with me, I'm just not stick thin and have normal slightly wobbly bits.

Maybe avoiding the media is the way forward. It has far too much power over us anyway.

dopeysheep · 29/09/2013 17:23

Society IS human nature though isn't it?

Personally I am just glad my body pretty much works as it should apart from my shit pancreas.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2013 17:23

I don't agree entirely. For example if somebody is really overweight to the detriment of their health it's not good for them to say I'm happy with my body. On the other hand if they are average BMI or even quite slim it's a bit mad to keep wanting to lose weight.

Yonihadtoask · 29/09/2013 17:35

YANBU OP.

On a personal note, I find it extremely sad that I have spent over 30 years of my life worrying about what I eat or don't eat on a particular day, and getting really upset if I can't get into a size 14. I am not overweight or underweight, but am rarely satisfied with my current size. Most women I know are the same.

Katerlina · 29/09/2013 17:39

Sound like the boyf could do with a parent like you.... I am in my early 40s, overweight, and I have two kids under 5. Knowing my own food issues, I am trying not to instil an obsession with food into them, and if anyone suggests my kids are fat, they are tongue lashed to within an inch of their lives! (They are both completely beautiful obviously). It's hard though, and it's really made me examine my own behaviour with food. Oddly enough, I've been slowly losing weight since dd was born 2 years ago, so I think it's working! That and the running around after toddlers, managing the house and working part-time.... :-D hope she feels better, she's better off without, but only time will heal.... And the next lad who has more sense than to risk Armageddon!

PlayedThePinkOboe · 29/09/2013 17:47

these hips are big hips
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,

they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!

Another one here a whisker under 16 stone. When you see me you'll see a fat, uncontrollable monster. You won't see the fact that most days I starve myself and I cry after I've eaten.

Sinful1 · 29/09/2013 18:12

You're kind of arguing cross points OP. Being too thin or too far is unhealthy and has complications, so you can't say "why can't we all just live healthily and embrace our shapes" because if they were living healthy they wouldn't be you fat or too thin and if they started to those shape would change to come back to the healthy size.

People forget you can be happily obease for a long time before the problems really arise that give you the lick you need to lose weight but by then it's too late the problems will make it harder and they will still be there once the weight is gone.

Someone pointing out your weight is getting to be too much or too little early on means the problem can be easily solved with small.changes and little long term effects, leaving it too late however is a life time of suffering

DurhamDurham · 29/09/2013 19:37

Katerlina I think we have similar issues with food and body image, it hasn't made for a happy life but I have made peace with myself now.
Here's hoping my gorgeous dd remembers me telling her how beautiful she is and not her (hopefully) ex boyfriends cruel thoughtless words.
My mum told me I looked fat in a pair of shorts when I was 13, cue twenty + years of being convinced I was hideous. Mum doesn't remember saying it, she is adamant she never said I looked fat. But I remember like it was yesterday what must have been to her a throw away comment.

Teapigging · 29/09/2013 20:34

Honestly, I have no issues with my body. I look like a 41 year old woman with unruly hair and a liking for scarves. I like clothes, but am not fashion-conscious.

I'm self-aware enough to see the vested interests who make money off the back of creating and exacerbating female insecurity (and yes, increasingly boys and men, too, but no industry has yet succeeded in making profit from men banishing their body hair, wearing make-up and control underwear etc etc). I don't buy into that.

It's probably not coincidental that I don't watch television much, never read magazines, and am completely unattuned to the cruel 'celeb X flaunting her curves/putting on a few pounds/back in a bikini a fortnight after giving birth' culture.

I realise that sounds a bit holier-than-thou, but allowing yourself body insecurities is giving a series of interlinked industries power over you. It is in their interests for you to remain tormented.