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AIBU?

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Original poster

or is my CM losing the plot

74 replies

komono · 28/09/2013 21:36

My CM picks up DS from school along with several other children.

On Mondays, I pick up DS, the rest of the week CM picks him up and has him until 6pm. I have arranged with the mother of another boy who the CM picks up that I pick him up on Mondays as well - this saves the mum from some CM fees. The CM is aware and is available to pick up if I am unable to.

Last Monday I picked up both boys, his mother told me to pick him up that morning. I missed a message at school run time because I left my phone in the car, from the CM, asking me if I was picking up the other boy. I responded 15 minutes later via text that, Yes, I had picked him up. His mother rang me in a panic not long after that because the CM had rung her and told her she couldn't find him at the school - all was fine as he was with me, as arranged. Panic over.

On Tuesday at 4pm the CM rang me at work, asking me if I had my DS as she couldn't find him then waffled on about the previous days debacle over finding the other boy the previous day. I was stunned and my head was spinning, and finally managed to get a word in and ask her ' do you have my DS?'; to which she replied 'Yes I have, I just wanted you to know what it felt like yesterday when we couldn't find other boy!'.

I was fucking horrified and told her that it wasn't my responsibility to tell her that I was picking up other boy, that was between her and his mother and also how WRONG it was to call me up and 'pretend' she can't find my son. When I picked up DS later a row ensued as she was saying I didn't bother to pick up my phone on Monday, so I got DS and left.

She later came to my house (lives nearby) and apologised - I apologised for shouting at her in front of another parent who had come to collect their DC earlier.

so, the rest of the week its been business as usual, though I still felt a little sick about the whole thing.

Yesterday CM picked up children from school and took them to the supermarket where she proceeded to do her weekly shopping - she got food from the hot food counter for them which they ate sitting on chairs where people wait, then dropped them off home. Now I feel even more 'taken the piss out of'.

My DS still wants to carry on going there, because he is with his friends and they have been together a long time, but I'm really torn. I will speak to her about her shopping on my time on Monday

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 28/09/2013 21:42

That sounds awful! She actually pretended that she did not have your DS to scare you! I think you may need to get a new CM.

MinesAPintOfTea · 28/09/2013 21:43

The shopping is acceptable: the idea of going to a CM is that they fit into family life. Obviously not great if its too often but occasionally is fine.

The phone games OTOH is very unprofessional/irresponsible. If she doesn't have the maturity to move on from a miscommunication but instead plays games then I'd be wondering if she was fit to be a CM and have issues trusting her with DC.

Thesouthernwindisblowing · 28/09/2013 21:46

One off shopping would be fine as long as one off. The lying to you about not having your son would be an immediate deal breaker and I'd report her to Ofsted.

Original poster
komono · 28/09/2013 21:47

I'm still reeling from the shock

OP posts:
GladbagsGold · 28/09/2013 21:48

Do you think she is peeved because you have 'stolen' one of her customers, i.e. Monday night boy?

The pretending to lose your son is unforgivable, IMO. I wouldn't be bothered about the supermarket thing but I could not get past the pretend-losing.

Donkeyok · 28/09/2013 21:50

Holy shit. You could of had her on kidnap charges. Why would you want to give money and trust your precious dc to a dog like that.
She's taking the piss and her methods are not professional.
I'd rather take a week off work till I found other arrangements.
Brass neck of the woman.

raisah · 28/09/2013 21:50

Report to Ofsted about the pretending not to have your son. What on earth was she thinking of.

Lilacroses · 28/09/2013 21:52

The pretending to have lost your son is unhinged. I don't think I could move on from that.

HooverFairy · 28/09/2013 21:52

She sounds terrible! The fact she couldn't remember which child she should be picking up in the first place scares me, but her next little trick takes the biscuit - LTB

What sort of a person pretends they have lost someone's child? In a world where we have so many little people who have been abducted I can't imagine where she thought that behaviour would have ever been deemed as acceptable. Disgusting behaviour. YANBU.

Loopytiles · 28/09/2013 21:54

I would give notice immediately.

Donkeyok · 28/09/2013 21:54

sorry not kidnapping. I agree with reporting to Ofsted.

FrussoHathor · 28/09/2013 21:55

Yes I would report to ofsted too.
Why would anyone be sick enough to play mind games like that over a child's safety, for a cm to do it is unforgivable.

TakingThePea · 28/09/2013 21:57

I would absolutely stop using her.

Doing that to a parent is disgusting.

onlyfortonight · 28/09/2013 21:57

That is just about the most unprofessional thing I have ever heard. She really Biscuit .

What sort of woman-child is she, that in the cold light of day she thinks that pretending that your son was missing is a good idea. Remember, she would have had a whole 24hrs to think this through, yet at no point did she reason that this would be unacceptable and cause you a great deal of worry.

The shopping...meh

I would be finding a new CM ASAP, just because of the Monday stunt and I would also make a complaint to Ofsted.

Original poster
komono · 28/09/2013 21:59

I'm already making other arrangements. I guess the shopping wasn't too bad, it's not every week but it just felt that after earlier events in the week I'm paying £10 an hour and having the piss taken

OP posts:
MoominsYonisAreScary · 28/09/2013 22:00

Id be changing cm, thats an awful thing to do to a parent

SauvignonBlanche · 28/09/2013 22:02

Nothing wrong with the shopping 'on your time' Hmm but the other issue is terrible, why are you leaving your child with this person?

PedlarsSpanner · 28/09/2013 22:02

Are you in England, the regulator is different in Wales/Scotland

FrussoHathor · 28/09/2013 22:03

£10phr for someone to pretend they'd lost your son. Shock

CinnabarRed · 28/09/2013 22:05

£10 per hour? For a CM? Those are nanny wages round my way - CMs charge between £4 and £5 per hour.

Original poster
komono · 28/09/2013 22:06

She has recently cut back her time so its only 2 hrs per day, telling me she needs more evening time but I have a feeling that she may have downgraded her reg, maybe someone could clarify this re CMs. The money she wants hasn't been reduced - so its now £10 per hour, before she did up to three hours for the same

OP posts:
PedlarsSpanner · 28/09/2013 22:08

Which country are you in, please? This will help folk to advise you correctly.

Original poster
komono · 28/09/2013 22:09

London

OP posts:
Notcontent · 28/09/2013 22:10

You are right - she has lost the plot.

onlyfortonight · 28/09/2013 22:11

Personally I think she should downgrade her reg to 'no longer a CM'.

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