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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is my CM losing the plot

74 replies

komono · 28/09/2013 21:36

My CM picks up DS from school along with several other children.

On Mondays, I pick up DS, the rest of the week CM picks him up and has him until 6pm. I have arranged with the mother of another boy who the CM picks up that I pick him up on Mondays as well - this saves the mum from some CM fees. The CM is aware and is available to pick up if I am unable to.

Last Monday I picked up both boys, his mother told me to pick him up that morning. I missed a message at school run time because I left my phone in the car, from the CM, asking me if I was picking up the other boy. I responded 15 minutes later via text that, Yes, I had picked him up. His mother rang me in a panic not long after that because the CM had rung her and told her she couldn't find him at the school - all was fine as he was with me, as arranged. Panic over.

On Tuesday at 4pm the CM rang me at work, asking me if I had my DS as she couldn't find him then waffled on about the previous days debacle over finding the other boy the previous day. I was stunned and my head was spinning, and finally managed to get a word in and ask her ' do you have my DS?'; to which she replied 'Yes I have, I just wanted you to know what it felt like yesterday when we couldn't find other boy!'.

I was fucking horrified and told her that it wasn't my responsibility to tell her that I was picking up other boy, that was between her and his mother and also how WRONG it was to call me up and 'pretend' she can't find my son. When I picked up DS later a row ensued as she was saying I didn't bother to pick up my phone on Monday, so I got DS and left.

She later came to my house (lives nearby) and apologised - I apologised for shouting at her in front of another parent who had come to collect their DC earlier.

so, the rest of the week its been business as usual, though I still felt a little sick about the whole thing.

Yesterday CM picked up children from school and took them to the supermarket where she proceeded to do her weekly shopping - she got food from the hot food counter for them which they ate sitting on chairs where people wait, then dropped them off home. Now I feel even more 'taken the piss out of'.

My DS still wants to carry on going there, because he is with his friends and they have been together a long time, but I'm really torn. I will speak to her about her shopping on my time on Monday

OP posts:

thebody · 29/09/2013 00:41

if the cm allows parents to tell her whether or not she is picking up other people's children then she is totally unprofessional.

I couldn't have run my business like this.

one parent telling me whether or not to pick up another parents child? wtf!!

sorry but you all seem a big flaky to me.

thebody · 29/09/2013 00:41

of course Fatima, agree.

SamHamwidge · 29/09/2013 01:12

My blood would run cold if someone did that to me. I would find it hard not to land one on them when I saw them!
My child would not be going back there, not for a day. I'm angry for you, OP!

OldBagWantsNewBag · 29/09/2013 01:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AveryJessup · 29/09/2013 04:05

YANBU: Your CM sounds very unprofessional. You'll have to figure out how to balance your concerns now with upheaval of a change in CM for your son.

Leverette · 29/09/2013 04:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

survivingthechildren · 29/09/2013 05:07

Gobsmacked.

Get rid immediately.

Driz · 29/09/2013 05:23

If that really happened then you should get a new childminder. Although the 'losing' your son happened on Tuesday, and it is now Saturday so it seems to be her going shopping that has upset you the most. Are you sure this happened as you state? It all sounds a little bizarre.

Longdistance · 29/09/2013 05:25

She sounds unhinged.

Pull your son out ASAP, and report to OFSTED.

RedorBlack · 29/09/2013 05:32

YADNBU

she's behaved very unprofessionally, aka the woman's bloody loopy definitely time for a new cm

sparkle12mar08 · 29/09/2013 08:10

The cm is dangerous. Get your son out and make sure you tell all your friends why. Get the information out as widely as possible, FB etc, and make a formal complaint to Ofsted. I would also inform the school by letter so that there is a record, that she no longer has permission to pick your son up and why. If she is on a list of cm's available she needs to be removed from it, and to that end I would also write to your local councils child services department. She would regret ever crossing me.

londonrach · 29/09/2013 08:18

No way should the cm be near children. Report her to the police, ofsted and do not let her near ds. If she can do that silly call what else can she do. Please op this needs taking further. What as a punishment/joke she 'forgot' to pick up your son and left him. I dont trust her with children. For the safety of other children and your ds she needs reporting.

Altinkum · 29/09/2013 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 29/09/2013 08:59

That is horrifyingly unprofessional behaviour from her. I would not leave her in charge of my child again. The shopping is neither here nor there, but pretending to have lost your son JUST to frighten you - that is deranged. Absolutely report her to Ofsted; either she needs to be investigated or (I strongly suspect) they will tell you she's not actually licensed for the sort of childcare she's offering.

ToffeeCaramel · 29/09/2013 08:59

What the cm did is awful and I'd stop using her, but why did the other mum ring you in a panic because the cm had said she couldn't find her son at the school? Surely the mum would have known he was with you as she had arranged for you to pick up her son that morning? Also when the other mum asked you in the morning to pick up her son, did she also communicate this to the cm? It sounds a bit ad hoc rather than a regular arrangement if the cm is expected by the other mum to be available to pick up the boy on Mondays in case you can't make it and if the mum just asks you on the Monday morning.

thegreylady · 29/09/2013 09:01

My dd has a wonderful cm whose charges have just gone from £3 to £4 an hour. Your cm behaved outrageously telling you she had lost your boy. The shopping thing is just acceptable but yanbu to make other arrangementss.

VoiceofRaisin · 29/09/2013 09:01

Unimaginable! Of course you can't keep using her. To tell a parent that their child is lost when he is in fact with her, just in order to upset that parent is bordering on a criminal offence (can't think which one but intentionally causing severe emotional distress through the telephone must be something or other under communications regulations). And without doubt lunatic. I can't imagine how upset (understatement) I would have been had someone pulled that trick on me when the DC were little. I agree with reporting her to OFFSTED. What a horrid woman she must be.

pianodoodle · 29/09/2013 09:04

After that phone call I would have whipped round and taken my child back straight away to be honest.

ToffeeCaramel · 29/09/2013 09:06

If the other mum rang you in a panic because the cm couldn't find your son at school, that makes it sound like not only did the cm not realise you were picking up the boy but the boy's mum didn't either, which of course doesn't justify what she did!

ToffeeCaramel · 29/09/2013 09:07

Sorry, couldn't find her son at school

Groovee · 29/09/2013 09:17

I would be reporting her to Ofstead and then telling her her services were no longer required due to her behaviour. Apologies are not good enough in this situation. She has broken the trust you had in her by playing a game with you to get her own back.

londonrach · 29/09/2013 15:58

Op have you decided what to do

SimplyRedHead · 29/09/2013 16:08

I'm in London. Cm charges by half day (up to 4 hrs) and full day (8-6).

It's £50 per day for a baby, £40 for Pre-school and £15 for a school pick up (3hrs). She also does sibling discount. Half days are just half the fees.

CeliaFate · 30/09/2013 15:01

I would report her - that is completely unacceptable. I would also change CMs. She sounds awful!

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