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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask MNer's to *please* help me with my appearence?

91 replies

Orangeworkclock · 28/09/2013 15:00

I have none. I used to be confident in choosing beautiful clothes. My hair was done every morning. Face made up. Toe nails always painted. Fingernails always manicured.
Fast forward 6 years.. I look awful. Seem to have lost the ability to dress myself. My hair's lucky if I run a comb through it in the morning, and throw back in a clip. Hardly wear make up, seem to look like an experimenting teen if I do. Nail varnish chipped if I even bother.
I know I need to make more effort, I want to. Just I look in shop's and just can't seem to pull an outfit together. Plus I'm about 4 stone more than I was back then - I had 1 ds, now I have 3 dc.
I have started Slimming World,so got my weight issue sorted. I just really want to look nice, pulled together I guess. My current outfit is black legging's and vest top with a cardigan over it. Its bloody awful and I alternate between that and a faded maxi dress.( only outfit's that fit me)
My confidence is very low and I want it back. I am v. tired at min though as have ds 11yrs, 4yrs and 6month baby girl.
I have no idea why I have become so incapable of simple style?
BTW I am very this sounds shallow, I just pretty miserable of being the fat, drab girl.

OP posts:
PrincessFlirtyPants · 28/09/2013 15:05

There's lots of helpful advice on the 'Style and Beauty' section on here.

How about going into a make up store (I love MAC) and asking for them to give you a few start up items? Quality face cream, mascara and mauve a tinted moisturiser?

It maybe worth finding a celebrity with a similar body shape and looking at their style.

I don't think you are being shallow at all, BTW. Smile

PrincessFlirtyPants · 28/09/2013 15:05

Mauve?! I meant 'maybe' ... Doh!

Orangeworkclock · 28/09/2013 15:07

Would just like to add after reading through and noticing I sound moany that I am happy with other aspect's of my life. Have great dc, lovely df etc

OP posts:
Orangeworkclock · 28/09/2013 15:09

Cross post's Would MAC show me what to do with them? [BLUSH]

OP posts:
Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 28/09/2013 15:10

If it sounds shallow then I'm shallow too! I know what you mean OP, I put on weight with my DD and it really knocked my confidence too. I'm no expert but these are the things I did for myself, don't know if they'd help you? Firstly get your hair cut into a style that is simple to maintain and takes minimal time. And buy some shampoo and conditioner that keeps it healthy. Aussie stuff is amazing and always on offer in Boots. Secondly, not sure what dress size you are but could you invest in a pair of jeans? I'm in the awkward in between weight stage and I got some cheap from Asda I wear them with my vest/knitwear top half combo and automatically feel more 'done' than in leggings. Make sure you moisturise morning and night and get some eye cream. I use L'Oreal which is on offer in Asda AND Boots (I only shop in two places it appears!) Finally I make sure I wear perfume every day, it makes me feel like I've made an effort even when I haven't. Loads on offer in my two favourite places!

Hope this helps OP Grin

PrincessFlirtyPants · 28/09/2013 15:11

Yes, they do, the staff are professional make up artists. IME they are very helpful. Just ask for a few easy to use basic items to get yourself going. Smile

SourSweets · 28/09/2013 15:12

I feel for you, I had a baby 8 weeks ago and I have realised that I no longer know what looks good on me and what doesn't. It's so hard to find the time to bother with make up and doing your hair, and I only have 1 child let alone 3.

My advice would be to get your hair done once, properly in an easily maintainable style that suits you. Don't bother with fancy make up techniques, just find one or two simple procedures that work for you. For instance I have a very uneven skin tone, so if I just put on foundation and nothing more I instantly look better.

Have a consultation in a clothing shop. It doesn't have to cost any extra money, a decent sales associate will help you put an outfit together. Be open to their suggestions, you might find that something you'd never pick out, actually looks great on you.

And finally, cut yourself some slack! You have a difficult, time consuming job looking after 3 kids and I bet you don't look half as bad as you think.

SourSweets · 28/09/2013 15:15

Also avoid leggings, they are the work of the devil.

PeriodFeatures · 28/09/2013 15:22

lipgloss, for cheeks and lips

good jeans - buy 2 pairs when you find the right ones, black and blue

nice scarfs

earrings

good boots

hair oil, towel and brush dry to keep it shiney

black tops

i hate shopping and cant dress myself for shit.. this is what works for me.

when i feel drab i get my hair trimmed, brow tinted if im really feeling rank, and a new scarf/earrings/lipgloss. about every 6 months becaquse i'm tight

my nails are shit, my hair regularly unbrushed but i do o.k and people always say i look good and dress well.

most of my stuff is from a charity shop or ebay Grin

dont put too much effort in, that's the trick!

HopeS01 · 28/09/2013 15:38

Oh, OP, your post actually made me cry. Must be the pregnancy hormones Wink. I wish I could give you a hug and spend a day with you.
Firstly, if I were you (and if your circumastances allow) I would arrange a Me Day as soon as possible.
Are you able to get childcare for a day? A friend or family member to give you a day to yourself? Very self indulgent but exactly what you need!

I would start the day by getting up (no lie in, you have lots to do) taking any leftover make up and nail varnish off and having a hot shower or bath.
Shave! This is very important, it does wonders for your self esteem, even if you're the only person who sees/feels your smooth skin!!
Put your best outfit on (whether it's a pair of leggings and a vest, or a dress which you think is a little OTT is totally up to you).
Go into town. B

HopeS01 · 28/09/2013 15:38

Sorry, I hadn't finished!!

HopeS01 · 28/09/2013 15:46

Go into town.
Have your eyebrows threaded or waxed (an appointment you will have booked in advance), and your upper lip if you have darker hair like me!!

Go to a makeup counter at a department store as someone else suggested.
MAC, Bobby Brown, Benefit, they all offer the same services. They'll do your makeup, give you loads of great tips on how/what to apply and suggest some products.
You don't have to be persuaded to buy their expensive things, you could always make a list of their recommendations and go to Boots!!!

Now, feeling clean and beautifully made up, treat yourself to a couple of outfits. Shopping is SO much easier and more productive if you're feeling confident.
I can't buy anything if I look in the dressing room mirror and feel fat and washed out.

Spend a couple of hours shopping. The key is to buy outfits that look great, not just individual items.
Accessorise!! Now that my tummy is fast expanding, I often find myself in leggings and jumpers, but I make sure I still feel good by doing my hair, wearing a bit of makeup, jewellery or a scarf, and a nice pair of shoes.

If you spend a day making reminding yourself how much potential you have, you can get up the next morning and repeat the process.
Get up with a purpose, get yourself ready, use your new makeup and new application skills, put on one of your new outfits and there you are. Beautiful. Ready to face the day.

Grin
WineIsMyMainVice · 28/09/2013 16:30

I know how bad it can make you feel when you feel bad about the way you look. So don't worry about sounding shallow.
Do you have some friends who could go shopping with you and help you pick out some colours / styles that suit you? Or alternatively, if you are short on cash, you could go and book one of those free personal shoppers at the department stores? Get them to show you what suits you. You don't have to buy what they get you to try on - you could always just go and copy the ideas later.
Good luck!

SunshineMMum · 28/09/2013 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReviewsOffers · 28/09/2013 16:44

I second the advice to get a good no-maintenance haircut.
Something that takes 90 seconds, tops, to get out of your face in the morning and still looks nice. You might pick up couple of cheap pretty clips.

For makeup, maybe some BB cream, mascara and that rose vaseline? Takes 3 minutes. The Naked eyeshadow palette is gorgeous and there are a couple of nude day shades which look great on and suit everybody. Pricey though.

When I am carrying weight I just want to wear plain unpatterned tops and no-muffin jeans. Maybe a couple of bright cardis & scarves & earrings & bags in Primark or some other cheap place, to brighten things up.

Comfortable shoes is a must for me, I have learnt not to buy them if I can't chase kids in them, so I take my time buying them because |I will be wearing them everyday and they have a big effect on the rest of the outfit.

Doesnotdrinkalcohol · 28/09/2013 16:50

Make up- http://www.youtube.com/user/pixiwoo/videos

Doesnotdrinkalcohol · 28/09/2013 16:50

www.youtube.com/user/pixiwoo/videos

Doesnotdrinkalcohol · 28/09/2013 16:51

Some of the videos are a bit OTT looks but there's a lot of very wearable tutorials.

HelgatheHairy · 28/09/2013 18:53

Come join us on the "operation renovation - countdown to Christmas" thread. It's about doing small things every day to to make you feel better and de-frumping by clearing out your wardrobe. The finish line is Christmas Day.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1840729-Operation-Renovation-aka-The-Christmas-Countdown

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 28/09/2013 18:56

Skater dresses are my new friend. I was you last week, in tears because I looked in the mirror and realised I suddenly look OLD. Or at least I feel like I do. I dragged a friend out shopping and asked her to help me escape all my jeans and jumpers, so she made me try on a few dresses in New Look and I really loved them. They're a flattering fit and I actually feel fun and pretty in them, without feeling like I'm overdressed for the school run!

Bue · 28/09/2013 19:18

I also say get a good, low maintenance haircut, get highlights or colour if you feel your natural hair colour is a little blah, and get a good eyebrow shape - it makes all the difference to your face! The Benefit brow bars are really good if you are in a city with one, or any old threading place usually does a good job.

For makeup I think a bit of blusher and mascara can make all the difference in the world. With makeup, less is often more!

frogspoon · 28/09/2013 20:43

I have quite low confidence, and have trouble choosing clothes. I recently started seeing a personal shopper at Debenhams. I have seen her twice and she is really good. I tell her what I am looking for, and a budget, and she goes off and comes back with these great clothes I would never think to try on myself.

The personal shopping service is free, and you only need to buy the clothes you chose. I have had alot of compliments on the outfits she has helped me choose, they are often alot more flattering than the clothes I would choose myself. Give it a try.

BogStandardOldWoman · 28/09/2013 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Orangeworkclock · 28/09/2013 21:07

Thank you so much for all the lovely post's Thanks. It's really made my day. Thank you.
So it seems the majority advice is a good hair cut/color, decent pair of jeans, personal shopper, make up lessons and tidy eyebrows. As well as lot's of other fantastic idea's.
I have had a quick look at the YouTube link & watched a few video's, they look good. I think I will pop into Debenhams for a makeup session too. Do they pressure to buy much? Is the service free?
Skater dresses look v.pretty- would you wear something under them?
Have bookmarked the Operation Renovation for later..

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Orangeworkclock · 28/09/2013 21:11

BogStandard Crossed post's Thanks My leggings will go straight into the bin when I get into my pj's tonight forcing df to take me into town/supermarket tomorrow

OP posts: