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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take DCs out of school - dilemma?

62 replies

shebird · 27/09/2013 21:08

A bit of a dilemma here and I would like to hear your views please.

My family live abroad and I am unable to have any time off work to see them in the half term or Christmas holidays. My grandmother is 93 and I feel very anxious that I and my DCs should see her just in case. I also have two nieces born recently that we are desperate to meet. I only want to visit for a couple of days but due to the flight times it is not possible to travel over a weekend without having a Friday or Monday off. I am unsure what constitutes exceptional circumstances but don't want to risk asking and being refused. So do I risk it and phone in sick?

I am so stressed out about this as it is totally not me to lie or to ask my DCs to lie but I feel it desperately important that my DCs should see their grandparents and extended family.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 27/09/2013 21:10

I wouldn't lie to the school. But I would take them for a weekend trying to time flights so as little school is missed as possible.

It takes the risk that if it isn't authorised you will get marked unauthorised and possibly (but unlikely for 2 days) fined but its not as if you are just going off on a holiday, or its for a long time.

Groovee · 27/09/2013 21:11

For one weekend, I would take them out.

pudding25 · 27/09/2013 21:12

As a teacher, I definitely think you should go. However, I wouldn't get the kids to lie as it is hard on them and they always tell friends then it gets spread around! Ask for permission. If you don't get it, go anyway. Try and time it if you can so you are taking minimum time off school.

Bogeyface · 27/09/2013 21:14

Could you perhaps exaggerate your Grandmas health in a negative way? Dont lie, just make the truth sound worse than it is? That would count as special circumstances I would think.

I wouldnt tempt fate by out and out lying but I would be inclined to make the facts fit your needs. This blanket ban really doesnt take into account differing family circumstances, and really pisses me off. In H's last job his contract stated that he couldnt take holiday in the school holidays because that was by far their busiest time, like teachers but in reverse. So of course that meant that the only time we could have holidays was during term time, which was a no go as it wasnt exceptional

Original poster

shebird · 27/09/2013 21:14

But if I ask and they say no under the new guidelines my understanding was the fine is pretty much a certainty?

OP posts:

SoThisisMe · 27/09/2013 21:16

Do they have any Inset days coming up you could use?

DontmindifIdo · 27/09/2013 21:17

I would talk to the school and say that your DGM is very sick, agree you can make it sound much more like she's very close to the end and you need a Friday and Monday off to visit.

Wolfiefan · 27/09/2013 21:18

Can you wait until Easter or budget in the fines?
I am a teacher and this does sound like a good set of reasons for a couple of days off (unless they are Y11 GCSE!)

Original poster

shebird · 27/09/2013 21:19

Next inset days are Easter and May half term I can't wait that long to see my family

OP posts:

Original poster

shebird · 27/09/2013 21:26

Both DCs are in primary school and have good attendance. In the past we have been authorised days to travel for family events like weddings but this new system does not take into account the grey areas such as family living abroad or parents work commitments. It just makes me so cross that I am feeling forced to even consider lying.

OP posts:

GladbagsGold · 27/09/2013 21:30

My DC have had authorised days off to visit my very elderly grandparents. I wouldn't lie, I would make the request and go regardless. Enjoy your trip and congrats on being an aunty!

BrokenSunglasses · 27/09/2013 21:33

Usually when people ask on here if their circumstances are a good reason to ask permission for a day of school I'd say no, I'm a big believer in no holidays in term time.

But even I think YANBU! You have clearly made the effort to avoid term time, and you have very good reason to go. Don't lie to the school, just tell them that this is what you have to do, and you understand that they may have to record it as unauthorised. One unauthorised day in a record of good attendance is not going to cause the school problems or get you a fine.

VitoCorleone · 27/09/2013 21:34

Just go. Im taking mine out next week for a holiday in Spain, the school cant physically stop you ya know

Original poster

shebird · 27/09/2013 21:35

Thank you Gladbagsgold I cannot wait to meet my nieces. I just wish it wasn't so stressful trying to get there.

Was your time off authorised since the new rules came into force in Sep?

OP posts:

Anja1Cam · 27/09/2013 21:51

Expect to be refused - our school 'has to' unless it's dire medical stuff. The teachers usually understand esp if you have tried so hard to limit it to just one day. So I would request it officially but knowing that it would no doubt end up as unauthorised anyway.

Donkeyok · 27/09/2013 22:11

I'd go, family health is obviously a good and true reason for going. If they refuse they are going to get a bug now aren't they?

Original poster

shebird · 27/09/2013 22:15

Thanks all I think I will go with the majority view and tell the and hope that common sense prevails. Having thought more about it I think I would rather be fined than put my DCs under the pressure of having to lie or deal with the sham of being caught out.

OP posts:

Original poster

shebird · 27/09/2013 22:15

*tell the truth - oops

OP posts:

maddy68 · 27/09/2013 22:18

I am slt in a school. I would ask the school as that is exceptional circumstances. Just say your their grandmother us very ill and you wish to visit. No need for further explanation. That will. Suffice

GladbagsGold · 27/09/2013 22:19

Shebird, no it was a couple of years ago. But I don't think the rules have changed that much have they?

Original poster

shebird · 27/09/2013 22:22

Yes up to September schools could authorise up to 10 days off and now they cannot authorise any days off except in exceptional circumstances.

OP posts:

Finola1step · 27/09/2013 22:24

I'm a teacher and I say apply, expect to be refused and then go. Unless, one other possibility... If you or the children are Muslim, Sikh, Hindu, Jewish or any other religion that is not Church of England, you could take time off for religious observance linked to a major festival or significant event (such as Hajj). Now don't forget that some religious events may well be celebrated differently in other countries and even on different days! So that would still be an absence but would be fully authorised and not open to being fined. I've known Catholic families to take religious observance days in a state, non church school in London. Just a thought.

runningonwillpower · 27/09/2013 22:27

shebird - apply and tell the truth and live with the decision. You are right to have come to this decision.

But, consider this as well. I don't know how it works in all Local Authorities but in our area the penalty only applies if you exceed 5 days' unauthorised leave.

So, even if your 2 days isn't approved, it could be that it won't automatically attract a penalty. It will just count towards a penalty if you exceed the 5 days.

Original poster

shebird · 27/09/2013 22:32

Finola1step good plan - I have checked the religious calendar and unfortunately there are no suitable dates on the horizon.

runningonwillpower I was not aware of the 5 day thing but I will check with our LEA. Thanks

OP posts:

toomuchicecream · 27/09/2013 22:37

A friend is attendance officer at a local secondary school. Her rules have just changed so she can fine (ie pass on paperwork to the people who actually do it) the family of any child who has more than 5 days off in a rolling 12 week period (was 10 days before). So on that basis, you wouldn't be fined.

Is it possible for you to perhaps take them out at 1.45 or after afternoon registration? That way they'd get their mark on the register and wouldn't be absent. Also, would your return flight allow you to get them in for afternoon registration on the Monday? Then you'd only have a 1/2 day absence not a full day.

Finola's idea about religious observance is an excellent one.

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