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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DCs out of school - dilemma?

62 replies

shebird · 27/09/2013 21:08

A bit of a dilemma here and I would like to hear your views please.

My family live abroad and I am unable to have any time off work to see them in the half term or Christmas holidays. My grandmother is 93 and I feel very anxious that I and my DCs should see her just in case. I also have two nieces born recently that we are desperate to meet. I only want to visit for a couple of days but due to the flight times it is not possible to travel over a weekend without having a Friday or Monday off. I am unsure what constitutes exceptional circumstances but don't want to risk asking and being refused. So do I risk it and phone in sick?

I am so stressed out about this as it is totally not me to lie or to ask my DCs to lie but I feel it desperately important that my DCs should see their grandparents and extended family. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
shebird · 27/09/2013 23:10

I have looked at this but the Friday flight is at lunch time and we need to checkin at 11am. The return flight in Monday gets back after school finishes. There is only one flight a day so it really restricts my options. Thanks for suggesting anyhow.

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Original poster
shebird · 27/09/2013 23:16

Religious observance is a great idea except the school know what religion I am so I would have to suddenly convert to another faith to get some dates in the next few months.

Would a baptism count as exceptional or religious observance?

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 27/09/2013 23:25

Just lay it on with a trowel and imply/state depending how you feel about a wee fib that your Grandma is "not long for this world" and this will be a final visit and just go. (And may Grandma have as many more years as she feels able for! - my Nanna made it to 94 and I wouldn't have hesitated to do whatever I had to to see her one more time :) )

ILoveNoodles · 28/09/2013 02:25

Ok i'm rubbish at links but on the department of education website, if you read it carefully, it actually clearly states that;

-although the amendments that come into force from sept 2013 state that headteachers cannot give permission for term-time holidays. It then goes on to say that they stll can in exceptional circumstances.

-Also that the fine is £60 for each parent who fails to ensure the regular attendance of their child, which raises to £120 if not paid within soon to be 21 days if not already.

So technically if your granny is really not well and their attendance is otherwise good, you should be fine.

I imagine its down to get how much you are willing to fight for your case.

ILoveNoodles · 28/09/2013 02:40

It worked! Grin

Jan49 · 28/09/2013 03:12

Could you take them during their school Xmas holidays and phone in 'sick' to your employer?

DropYourSword · 28/09/2013 03:33

I don't really understand how this works, but is there any way you can send a letter in just telling them you'll be away rather than asking for permission which could be refused.

marcopront · 28/09/2013 04:25

Why can't you take the time off work?

Finola1step · 28/09/2013 08:51

Hi Shebird. Yes a baptism could be used for religious observance. You could apply for leave based on attending a baptism of a close family member (one of our nieces) or if you want to baptise your own children there. Don't forget to include travel situation. Definitely lay it on thick about how important the baptism is to your very elderly grandmother. But you are talking a day or two at the most. I think it's really important you see your gran.

catgirl1976 · 28/09/2013 09:03

Take them out but tell the school what you are doing.

Parmarella · 28/09/2013 09:21

SIL, who is foreign has just managed to take 2 weeks off to see family in her home country with her 2 school age DCs

If you are foreign it is easier IMO than if you are British and just want to take the kids on a cheap out of holiday time holiday.

lljkk · 28/09/2013 09:47

I'm going next yr for far longer than you, OP. I also have a frail elderly grandmother & a huge number of relatives to meet, including some arrivals of the last 3 yrs. I'll write a letter laying out all my reasons & hope for the best. The schools will be notified if not likely to authorise.

SuburbanRhonda · 28/09/2013 09:59

DropYourSword, no, it doesn't work like that.

If your child is on the school roll, you are legally obliged to attend (once they reach statutory schoolage). If you want to take the children out, you have to ask permission.

Just imagine if the teaching staff wrote in to say they were going on holiday and wouldn't be in, leaving their class without a teacher.

RooRooTaToot · 28/09/2013 10:05

In my state school (secondary) pupils with family overseas are always granted authorised holiday in term time - usually a week but sometimes longer if it is a very far away place or there is a death in the family. I would be upfront with the school.

Kikibee · 28/09/2013 10:06

So it is ok for teachers to close the school for strike but not for parents to take kids to see elderly relative in diff country? World has gone mad, just go and see her op, I have never regretted taking mine to see elderly grandfather before he died, sometimes rules are there to be broken :)

SuburbanRhonda · 28/09/2013 11:29

Strike action is slightly different to going on holiday, kikibee!

"Sometimes rules are there to be broken" - really? Which rules? Who decides?

ballstoit · 28/09/2013 14:17

Kikibee, the decisions you are talking about are not made by the same people.

Central Government - DCSF - have changed the rule on term time holidays.

Teachers are going on strike.

Quite a happy occurrence for Michael Gove that most parents don't understand the difference, as level of resentment for striking teachers is hugely increased. Hmm

TallulahMcFey · 28/09/2013 14:37

I would send a letter explaining your personal circumstances and I can't really see them saying no. By the way, sounds to me like a valid reason to be going and sure you've made the right decision. My sisterinlaw who lives in London, wanted to take her son to Florida following her breast cancer treatment but knew the heat of the summer would be too much for her. He had between 5 to 7 days off but the head of his school didn't hesitate. I may be wrong but think there is an element of flexibility.

catgirl1976 · 28/09/2013 14:41

Well even if they say no, you can still take them.

As far as I understand you might have to pay a fine which you would need to factor in to the cost of your trip, but other than that, there's no issue.

Ask first, and if they say no, take them any way and then pay the fine.

ivykaty44 · 28/09/2013 16:01

You have to look at the tax on taking your dc out of school it is £60 per child.

It stinks that family life is so lowly valued

ironic that marriage is worth £3.25 of your tax bill - possibly this will help pay the fines

Kikibee · 28/09/2013 18:14

Yeah yeah I know but I would love it if my oh could get a job as a teacher and have those long holidays and short days, I can't remember the last time he saw a bedtime for the DCs

SuburbanRhonda · 28/09/2013 21:34

What short days, kikibee? I work in two different primary schools and the teachers do a normal 8-5 minimum!

I actually didn't think there were still people who believed that teaching is an easy option, especially not on MN Hmm

Original poster
shebird · 28/09/2013 22:18

Kikibee I have no problems with teachers and the job they do or hours they work. It is not the teachers that have decided the change to these rules but the. Dept. of education. I just want schools could be understanding of individual circumstances just as us parents have to be understanding about strikes, inset days and closures due to a few flakes of snow.

OP posts:
Original poster
shebird · 28/09/2013 22:19

Sorry for typos not wearing my glasses

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