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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my brother should buy me a pram?

90 replies

AnnunziataSono · 26/09/2013 18:37

He wants me to mind my nephew for one day a week, which is fine. But I will need a double buggy because I will have two babies! He said we can go half and half, but I really resent that. He said there's no point in him buying something that he won't be able to use.

OP posts:
themaltesefalcon · 28/09/2013 04:47

Don't be so fucking wet, OP.

Purplehonesty · 28/09/2013 05:15

Ridiculous! He should def pay. And btw I got mine on eBay for £37 so tell him to get browsing

MusicalEndorphins · 28/09/2013 06:09

I would do it, but he would absolutely have to get a pram. It seems a cheaper alternative for him than hiring someone. I did it with wagons in the past, but was hard on my arm. Tell him to look for a used one.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 28/09/2013 06:24

I think OP will agree to AND pay for the pushchair "as it will make my life easier". She will then come back on her in the future moaning about how she is taken for granted and treated like shite. Loads if advice will be given, which will all be ignored. .....

ChasedByBees · 28/09/2013 06:26

I really hope you won't agree to this with these conditions. Could you brief your mum - say you're happy to do this but as long as he pays for certain costs which you'll incur. If she says she'll do it, it will undermine that. Then you can negotiate away. He really is an absolute arse if he thinks its fair for you to pick up costs for doing him a massive favour that will save him £50-£60 a day. What does he say when you point

ChasedByBees · 28/09/2013 06:27

Out that you wouldn't need a double pram either if it wasn't for this massive favour which will save him the cost of a buggy every month??

RenterNomad · 28/09/2013 07:21

If your mother has conditioned you to "not say no" to your brother, and conditioned him not to hear "no", then you should leave her to face the consequences. Honestly, a parent who can't say no is an idiot, and allowing you to spare her those consequnces is just shafting you. The most you should do for her is as PPs have suggested, and have her (and your DN) spared on the grounds of her being unsuitably frail.

(apologies for the narked tone: I've been up with a toddler, something I wish it were practicable to have refused to do! Your B is a grownup)

moogy1a · 28/09/2013 07:32

Just so you can give him some figures, I'm a CM and would charge £35 for one day a week, and this is a cheap area for childcare.
Get him a couple of numbers for local CM's and tell him you won't be doing it unless he pays for all additional equipment/ food/ nappies / wipes/ playgroup fees/ toddler cups/ changing mat/ car seat/ etc etc.
Curious as to why he rules the roost and you let him?

Jinty64 · 28/09/2013 07:55

And when her parents are unwell or go on holiday or have something else on who will take up the slack?

FriskyHenderson · 28/09/2013 08:03

Perhaps he expects you to pick your favourite to put in the buggy and the other one can crawl behind you? Wink

Catsize · 28/09/2013 09:21

This is craziness. I really would tell him to crawl back under his stone. Why do people have kids and then think they are the responsibility of their relatives? Have never understood this one. Please stand up to him OP.

mikkii · 28/09/2013 09:22

I think there I something that a number of posters don't realise. If I recall Annunziata is of Italian descent and the family dynamics are different. I'm not saying this is right, I'm just aware if this as DH is half Spanish/half Italian.

I think it is great that you are giving consideration to his request to mind DN, if I were thinking about the discussion you are going to have with DB I would do my homework and have supporting documents (ok, I'm an accountant, we like "proof")

I would be armed with adverts for childminders locally with costs (when I was considering a CM for DS 8 years ago it was £50 a day where we live), I would also have some print outs of adverts for double buggies for him (bay, gum tree, local paper, local charity shops). I would offer to make the arrangements (ie running around) once he gives you the money.

Personally, depending on your financial position I would not be as worried about the cost of food and nappies (but I can afford them, you may not be able to) but I would ask for a "float" to cover food while out or classes/clubs should you choose to attend them. This was my arrangement when I had a nanny. She always kept he receipts, but I trusted her so I didn't feel the need to check them. If I knew she was planning something special I would ask if she needed extra to cover it.

Good luck. (I say this as someone whose DM has DC3 one and a half as each week and whose MIL has DC3 half a day a week. It works beautifully for us, the grannies help out if DC1&2 are sick. We would not have been able to afford DC3 without our parents help, we are really grateful to them)

Redlocks30 · 28/09/2013 10:27

Do you work, OP? Would it not annoy you that they, as a household, are getting an income from SIL's work yet you, as a household, will be losing out fr

Redlocks30 · 28/09/2013 10:30

Oops! From your work, I meant to say.

It is unlikely to be a piece of cake having two babies for a long day-why on earth would they think you would help their finances out at a loss to your own?

Is it true about the half Italian bit? Does that make a difference? Is your SIL Italian? Do you live in Italy?

Does your DH earn hods of money and they think it's not fair?!

Am struggling to see the background here.

lljkk · 28/09/2013 10:38

Would he seriously coerce your inform mom to do it, instead, OP?
I dunno, I am wondering if would be best to get a cheap double folder, for mom's sake not his.

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