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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my brother should buy me a pram?

90 replies

AnnunziataSono · 26/09/2013 18:37

He wants me to mind my nephew for one day a week, which is fine. But I will need a double buggy because I will have two babies! He said we can go half and half, but I really resent that. He said there's no point in him buying something that he won't be able to use.

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 27/09/2013 19:10

This is on a par with the post about the employer who wanted an ex-employee to work for free!

Pay to mind your DB's children - I don't think so!

Alanna1 · 27/09/2013 19:17

I think its awkward. Can you talk to your mum first? If its a regular thing, I think you should be given either at least out of pocket costs (as it doesnt sound like your brother gets regular gifts!). I give wine to relatives whenever they are looking after my kids for any length of time - & sometimes flowers / chocolates too.

HairyPorter · 27/09/2013 19:19

How old are the kids? Do you really need a double buggy? Would a buggy board do? (He should pay for that of course)

Original poster
AnnunziataSono · 27/09/2013 19:40

They would be 8 months and a year, I really need a buggy.

We haven't spoken about it yet. They are coming for dinner on Sunday so we'll speak to him then.

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 27/09/2013 19:52

I wouldn't even ask him- I would just speak to him in a way that it is a given that he is buying a double buggy! Like 'so when will you be dropping the double buggy off?'

expatinscotland · 27/09/2013 19:53

Why wait? Text: I need that buggy or we don't have a deal.

Original poster
AnnunziataSono · 27/09/2013 20:02

SIL still has another 2 months on maternity leave, so it isn't urgent. I think I'm much better to speak to him.

OP posts:
Redlocks30 · 27/09/2013 20:05

Have you actually agreed to this?

Original poster
AnnunziataSono · 27/09/2013 20:12

Not yet, no.

OP posts:
Redlocks30 · 27/09/2013 20:21

Where are you in the negotiations? Just wondering really-does he think you'll do it? Is she only going back to work one day a week? 9-5?

Original poster
AnnunziataSono · 27/09/2013 20:30

No, she is going back part time, but her mum can have the wee one the other days. He is very old-fashioned, he wouldn't even think that I would say no to be honest.

OP posts:
fairylightsintheautumn · 27/09/2013 21:02

Just as a comparison, I gave our CM our double buggy that we no longer used (and was in v good nick) because my youngest and hers are both 2 and her old one was knackered. My reasoning was that she is using it for MY child, so she shouldn't have to pay me for the privilege of using it.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 27/09/2013 21:03

Well, he might be in for a shock then.

Just because he thinks you should "toe the line" like a second class female doesn't mean you actually have to

getmeoutofthismadhouse · 27/09/2013 21:03

You should never mix business and pleasure with family or friends coz it always always gets messy and it will never work. They always take advantage coz they think they can as you are so close .

DontmindifIdo · 27/09/2013 21:12

If I was you, I'd say on Sunday that you won't do this and then loudly (making sure your SIL hears) that you hope he's not going to ask your Mum as he must realise she might cope now while DN is crawling, but surely he's not going to leave his DC with someone who won't be able to give a safe level of care to a walking/running child? Keep saying while you're sure your mum would want to, that doesn't mean she can look after DN safely once they are walking/running.

Then repeat that actually "I don't want to look after any other children, I'm sure you'll find a good childminder, I can ask around if you want recommendations." It's very hard to argue with "I don't want to" - you can say "well you should" but you can reply with "But I don't want to". If you give any other reasons, he can find solutions to them. You not wanting too isn't something he can 'fix'.

DontmindifIdo · 27/09/2013 21:14

Oh and don't stress that it would be unfair on your Mum, keep the conversation on that you don't think she could look after DN safely, that it wouldn't be fair on them. Say to SIL that you're sure your Mum will say it's not a problem and it's up to them, but you'd feel uncomfortable having your Mum look after your DCs and you think she'd be better off finding a childminder to start with rather than trying to find one once she's back at work.

comingintomyown · 27/09/2013 21:21

What a towering prick your DB is. He thinks you should share the buggy cost which you would only be incurring due to minding his baby for free

Say no more . Regarding your Mum well thats tricky has he no conscience ?

Redlocks30 · 27/09/2013 21:42

Who the bloody hell does he think he is!? Say no.

CruCru · 27/09/2013 21:47

This is going to be a pain in the arse. Say no now.

Original poster
AnnunziataSono · 27/09/2013 22:03

Regarding your Mum well thats tricky has he no conscience ?

No ma'am, none at all

OP posts:
clam · 27/09/2013 22:19

People will treat you how you teach them to.
Perhaps it's time you redefined the boundaries with your brother who sounds like a right prize.

Donkeyok · 27/09/2013 22:19

No no no, it won't stop at at 1 day a week, what if he starts planning around you. It's a regular commitment which you will resent and could cause problems, better to end it before it begins. Have him round on a play date once a every few weeks, but vary the pattern.

Mummyoftheyear · 27/09/2013 22:21

Tell him that you can only look after him if you have a double buggy. Otherwise it's physically impossible. Don't even offer to go halves!

clam · 27/09/2013 22:21

And don't imagine for one moment that this will end with the buggy. Who's going to provide food for your dn? Nappies/wipes? If you decide to take them both to playgroup or soft play, will he pay his son's share?

Redlocks30 · 27/09/2013 23:19

I have a feeling you're going to agree to this anyway...

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