keeping my money for myself, but asking for some of the OH profit in house sale

[Gingernutz]

So, before my OH and I got together, I owned a house and they owned a house.
We got together, I moved into THEIR house and rented my house out.
we BOTH paid into a joint account for about 7 years and split the mortgage payments and household/living expenses equally (based on income) on the house we were living in, and for the last three years i have been the sole contributor to the joint account, whilst the other house (my old one) ticked along paying for itself via tenants.
Last year I sold my house eventually and got a nice little sum of £'s.
We are now going to sell the house we are living in. My question..
AIBU if I keep all of the profit from my house AND expect a percentage of the profit the new house has made from the date i have been contributing/paying the mortgage?
My OH believes that we should also spilt the profit made from the sale of my house because we just happened to have chose THEIR house to live in, but I say, imagine that i had SOLD my house as soon as i moved out of it to move into the OH's house and the invested that money into, say, stocks and shares which then went on to make a nice profit (about the same as the profit i made on my initial investment in the house for instance!) would they THEN be entitled to that profit? I see the keeping on of the house as a continuing INVESTMENT of my money, so my OH has no claim on any of it, but when i started contributing to the mortgage of the OH's house, i TOO became a joint investor in THAT investment...
Emotion aside, what are peoples thoughts on this?
(sorry for length..and that something i NEVER thought i'd be saying)...

[MrsTerryPratchett]

FFS Ginger can you understand why coming into a mainly female space, you need to play by the rules and be just a little respectful? I didn't walk into the factories I used to go to for work and immediately start shouting the odds.

FWIW, if you think some people will be biased, ignore them. That is the nature of the internet, there are idiots everywhere, even here. Making your OP gender neutral implied all of us are biased. If you think that, don't ask, if you don't, stop being silly and just ask your question honestly and with all the relevant information.

By it's nature AIBU is a little 'hot'. By the nature of the population here, there will be a butt load more women who have been fucked over than the converse. And, if you have spent any time here you will know that some men come on here to goad, mansplain and generally be fuck-nuggets. You aren't one of them? Great.

[Loopytiles]

OP, if you and your DP had concerns like this you should have got legal advice and made an agreement before moving in together and adjusted it when your DP gave up work and as needed.

There's what's legal (if you split up), what's fair (if you split up) and who has access to and makes decisions about your money (while you're together). It's not clear which you / your DP is concerned about.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

[Loopytiles]

Oh and YABU for SHOUTING and witholding relevant information.

[Gingernutz]

sorry Lweji - thanks :)
I agree with pretty much everything you said but regarding profit on the rental of the other house, no the object (for tax reasons) was to pretty much break even and not make profit or extra income that was then taxable.
The point is, i sold that house and the profit from that is about 40% of our costs for the new house, and my partner will be putting in 60% of the costs of the new house. My original question was really (or should have been) if i owned an investment before my partner and i got together and then SOLD that investment 10 years after we got together, not having contributed anything myself financially to it either i might add, should my partner expect to have any of that lump sum?
Many people have said "but you wouldn't have been able to do that unless you moved in to your partners house" but thats not exactly true is it? we could have SOLD BOTH houses and gone 50/50 then but we chose to live where we were instead and pay 50/50 toward everything from then on.
i dont want money (contrary to some posters ideas) i simply was looking for, strangely given the title of the thread, confirmation if i am being unreasonable in not giving any of the investment profit to my OH (again, its moot anyway to a degree, because its not money i can do anything with because it is all needed in the new house!)

[Gingernutz]

MrsTerryPratchett - i havent spent any time here, as i did say earlier this is my first, and likely last, thread.
You dont really do yourself or anyone else here any favours with that last post in my opinion and as i stated earlier and you state yourself, if my implications regarding bias dont apply to you then ignore the implication (weather it was there or not)

[Gingernutz]

Loopytiles - if i typed everything in caps i would understand your petty gripe but really....you know... bigger picture?

[Pinkpinot]

I haven't read everything
But I have a property from before I met dh
Been rented out, no profit

If we split I wouldn't expect him to receive any % from the profits of that sale, and I would expect 50% of the profits made from the house that we bought together

No idea where that stands legally, but that's what I think

[QuintessentialShadows]

But, you have not answered my question:

Why do you feel entitled to a share of your wife's investment? Why not just let her have it, seeing as you are insisting you will be fair.

You say you wont screw her over if you split, but it seems to me you are already trying to screw her over by wanting more out than you put in?

Why is this?

I still think you come across as greedy.

[QuintessentialShadows]

Why did you chose to move into HER house?

Was it bigger?

[handcream]

If I may put from my own point of view which is the only one I really know is 100% correct!

I got married late in life. My DH was keen to have children. I wasnt so sure. He earns 3 times what I do and I am a higher rate tax payer with a very stable job.

There was NO way I was going to give all of that up and expose myself so we agreed that he would do his share. Of course I took a risk - he might have been fibbing but he was very good, he never booked any trips away without checking with me that I was able to cover etc. 16 yrs later it has worked out well. We had a 2nd child because I knew he would keep his promises.

What I think the OP is trying to do is to think 'well if we did split up how can I protect myself'. Quite understandable tbh in these days of high divorce rates. I suspect his DW might be thinking the same.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

if my implications regarding bias don't apply to you then ignore the implication Au contraire. Post honestly and don't pay any heed to biased posters.

If you don't like MN, why not post in the 90% of the internet set up for, by and to meet the needs of, men? There is a Dadsnet, you know.

It just pisses me off when people come here and complain about it. There are a bunch of sexist, shitty websites. I just avoid them.

[StuntGirl]

You don't have much of a clue about basic social interaction do you

People want details because there are nuances in the details that can change situations, and therefore answers. By being deliberately obtuse you've actually shone a massive spotlight on that lack of details, and made them more noticeable, and obviously more intriguing than the problem you're trying to address. When people deliberately hide information it makes people question why. Don't be mad at Patty for being right, or MrsT for trying to help you.

I think a safety fund is a pretty sensible option for anyone in a relationship, because life isn't a fairytale, but especially the one in the weaker financial position. I suggest you get some legal help to help you navigate this if you can't agree between yourselves.

[garlicbaguette]

Well, no, you couldn't have SOLD both houses without getting somewhere else to live, could you?

If you'd both sold your homes when you got together, and bought a new one, you would presumably have divided the ownership according to who put what in. You'd have agreed between you how to pay the mortgage and bills, then revised that when you decided one of you should stay home with DC.

This has only kicked off because you both decided to live together in her house. Had you done it the other way round, can you honestly say you'd agree with DP that she should keep all the proceeds from her place, after renting it out and living at yours?

Would I be right in assuming her house is bigger/more valuable than your old place?

It's slightly worrying that you can't figure this out sensibly, between you. Are you sure you're ready to get married? Since you asked upthread, btw, all marital assets are owned jointly - that is, each spouse owns all of it (much like equal partners in a business partnership). If you split, assets are divided more or less equally with primary consideration for the children: courts often decide to leave the primary carer in the family home with the children, until the youngest DC reaches adulthood.

I think MmeL had it right earlier on. The big issue is that DP was shafted by her ex, and is understandably cautious about leaving herself vulnerable again. In demonstrating what looks like an attitude that "what's yours is ours, and what's mine is mine," you can't exactly be helping her believe that you're different. You should be able to figure this out sensibly, without emotion but with due respect to her greater vulnerability ...

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

"confirmation if i am being unreasonable in not giving any of the investment profit to my OH"

Yes, YABU.

Because you expect her to give her investment profit to you.

Either you are financially independent, in which casey you have been paying her rent on her property instead of paying your own mortgage.

Or you are one financial unit, in which case you both share all your assets.

In my marriage we do the latter, I would not be interested in a relationship that was based on the former arrangement unless one or both of us had children from a prior relationship.

But under no circumstances would I be happy to be with a man who wanted it both ways - what's mine is his and what's his is his.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I've stopped trying to help now, StuntGirl, I'm grumpy now.

[garlicbaguette]

Xpost, Quint. And YY, Stuntgirl, safety funds are a good idea. For both partners and for the children.

[StuntGirl]

To be fair MrsT your help seems like it's falling on deaf ears so I don't blame you!

[MmeLindor]

Stuntgirl talks sense. These inconsequential details are actually the important bits of information, that are required to make a decision. If you only tell half the story, how can you expect to get advice?

I also agree that you have to sit down and talk to your wife, honestly and openly and decide what you both want.

If she would prefer to keep things separate, then sit down with a financial advisor and divvy up your assets.

Don't see it as her not trusting YOU, but of her not trusting the vagaries of fate.

[QuintessentialShadows]

I am actually quite stunned by OPs attitude.

First he moves into her house. He rents his house out, the mortgage is paid down by tenants. He contribute to her mortgage (if he lived elsewhere he would either have a mortgage or pay rent). She has children with him, gives up her career to have these children and looks after them (nursery fees are HIGH, so she saves the family both child care fees, a cleaners fees etc), already leaves herself vulnerable by being a sahm (I reckon she thinks "I am safe, I own my own house at least")

He sells his house. When pooling the funds from both houses, he finds that her investment into the new house will be higher than his, and he kicks off and wants his share because he has funded them while she has gone through pregnancy, birth. SHE has looked after his children.

And this man is trying to convince us that he wont try and fleece her in case they split? When he no longer loves her? He is already trying it on now....

What the actual Fuck....

Or have I misunderstood something ?

[Gingernutz]

just because i question peoples impartiality does not mean I am lesser for it.
stuntgirl, the details dont matter really as it is the facts that are pertinant, the rest is emotional guff that , as i expected, has clouded peoples view of the situation anf my motives and intentions.
I'm done now.
Thanks to those with helpful advice and to those who are just nosey baised and bitter, i wish you all that you deserve.
You all know which category you fit into, whether you chose to admit it to yourselves is not my concern.
I'm now off to cancel my 'mumsnet' subscription..It's been...an experience.

[QuintessentialShadows]

How do you know I am not a man?

[QuintessentialShadows]

From your responses in your last post, I can see that your wife would be very wise to

a) insist to keep her 60% share
b) buy a house without you.

[garlicbaguette]

Well, that's another eight minutes I'll never get back ...

[garlicbaguette]

Yup, Quint :( Hope she sees this thread!