keeping my money for myself, but asking for some of the OH profit in house sale

[Gingernutz]

So, before my OH and I got together, I owned a house and they owned a house.
We got together, I moved into THEIR house and rented my house out.
we BOTH paid into a joint account for about 7 years and split the mortgage payments and household/living expenses equally (based on income) on the house we were living in, and for the last three years i have been the sole contributor to the joint account, whilst the other house (my old one) ticked along paying for itself via tenants.
Last year I sold my house eventually and got a nice little sum of £'s.
We are now going to sell the house we are living in. My question..
AIBU if I keep all of the profit from my house AND expect a percentage of the profit the new house has made from the date i have been contributing/paying the mortgage?
My OH believes that we should also spilt the profit made from the sale of my house because we just happened to have chose THEIR house to live in, but I say, imagine that i had SOLD my house as soon as i moved out of it to move into the OH's house and the invested that money into, say, stocks and shares which then went on to make a nice profit (about the same as the profit i made on my initial investment in the house for instance!) would they THEN be entitled to that profit? I see the keeping on of the house as a continuing INVESTMENT of my money, so my OH has no claim on any of it, but when i started contributing to the mortgage of the OH's house, i TOO became a joint investor in THAT investment...
Emotion aside, what are peoples thoughts on this?
(sorry for length..and that something i NEVER thought i'd be saying)...

[QuintessentialShadows]

My sisters ex husband withholds maintenance every time they disagree over something, as he likes to use money to make my sister do as he says. He even once retracted his signature for his daughters passport, so that she ended up as an illegal in her own home country (abroad) just to make it difficult for them. He has also stopped working, in order to pay minimum maintenance. Instead, he is living on commission on a something. He has built a mansion for his new wife, her two children, they have a maid. He would not buy new wellies for his daughter when she spent 6 weeks for summer with him, because it was my sisters responsibility as the resident parent to ensure she has all the clothes and shoes she needs. He let his own daughter wear too tight wellies so her feet hurt, for the sake of less than £20 to score points and "get" to his ex wife. (On disability benefit)

Once they loved eachother, you know. Like you love your wife and say you will never let your kids go without.

[QuintessentialShadows]

I know women leave men too. My friends wife left. He is a single dad of two kids now. She left with nothing.

[MmeLindor]

That is horrific, Quint.

That is what I don't understand - you wouldn't treat your worst enemy like that, so why treat someone you loved so badly? Even if the love has gone. And that is before we get to the way that must make their kids feel.

[QuintessentialShadows]

oh dont get me started on what my niece feels.

If it was not for the fact that she now has a little sister, she would have cut contact. That, and the fact that her dads siblings are refusing to see her (and let her see her cousins) unless she stays in touch with her dad. [arses]

[Calloh]

Ginger, you are right to want it to all go together. You probably need to talk to your wife and explain how it makes you feel (like she doesn't trust you etc).

But you probably also need to think why she might feel like this. You said in your original post that she hadn't contributed to her mortgage. As others have said she has enabled you to have children and keep your career so as you have been told many times, and acknowledged, she has massively contributed to the mortgage just not financially. Perhaps she is picking up on this and thinking that it is you who has a 'this is mine, this is ours' attitude and is therefore feeling insecure and financially vulnerable.

I am also insulted by your stupid comments about emotions and intuition. It is so irritating. I don't see much abuse directed at you merely frustration at your invasion and an apparent change in what you mean.

I agree with you that your original post clearly showed you were a male by your final comment so why bother with all the oH/they stuff?

[Gingernutz]

QuintessentialShadows - I hear what you are saying and totally agree, the guy is a waste of space and I feel most sorry for the children who will eventually have to learn that their father is a complete arse. But we ain't all like it....

[Calloh]

I meant evasion not invasion but tante as probably my hyper-emotionalism and feminine flutters making me lose my grip for a second.

Now I must take some smelling salts and go back to musing on kittens.

[Calloh]

Oh fuck it, that and not tante. Bugger.

[Gingernutz]

PatPig - don't worry, you just seem to want me to provide you with a misogyny stick to beat me with but thatsnot going to happen today, sorry

[QuintessentialShadows]

And it is because you are not like that, it does not matter how you split the assets now, as if there is a split you will both be reasonable and fair.

[PatPig]

It's not about misogyny sticks, I'm just pointing out how it comes across. It's common for men to feel that they control the finances because they work and the wife does not.

[Gingernutz]

Calloh - my remark was intentionally and misguidedly facetious for which I apologise and regarding my oh/they stuff, I actually forgot i put the comment at the beginning post and did actually find it somewhat amusing that so many people made suppositions based on nothing at all other than gut feeling and intuition.

[handcream]

Wildric -I agree with you. With the high divorce rates and realtionship break ups please make sure you have your own independance. I see so many on threads claiming their partners would never leave them and often that their partners are paying their share of tax and NI enabling them to get a state pension whilst they are a SAHM.

At the risk of being flamed. I think you leave your self open....

[Gingernutz]

yes, QuintessentialShadows but it also because i am like that , that i did not want to 'reveal' that i was a man because you yourself have shown that there is in some, yourself included to some degree, a bias based solely on the fact that i am a man and so 'this is what men do'....

[Calloh]

Ok, fair enough.

I agree with you - it would be hurtful to think that one's spouse wanted to keep a portion of profit from their house sale whilst expecting the other partner to put all of their profit into the purchase of a new property. It is unfair regardless of spouse's former experience and I would think the best way forward would be a full and frank discussion and the reiteration that she should trust you as you're in for the long haul - like you said.

[Gingernutz]

PatPig - but were the roles reversed (not as common but not unheard of by ANY degree) i just don't think the 'advice' would be slanted in the same direction is all.
Anywho, it's all moot in reality and we've all had a good time venting and passing the time when some of us should probably have been working a bit more, being the main breadwinner and wage earner and all... If jobs were lost then we'd ALL be up shit creak, 60/40 split of not!...

[handcream]

All, 50% of people on Mumsnet will suffer a breakdown in relationship. Its easy to divorce especially if you have found someone else. The financial implications are dire.

A friend of mine gave up work years ago. Her ex wanted to concentrate on his career and not take any part in school runs, etc expect on an ocassional basis. He did very well. VP at a very well know FTSE.

She gave up work early 20's. He then found someone else. Said his wife didnt understand the pressures he was under and left a few years ago. She said to me 'there are no jobs I can do being out of the workforce for so long'. His answer was she could work in Tesco.

Whilst this was a high earning man, it could easily be the other way around (but often isnt).

Yes, very depressing but you only have to look at the lone parents thread to see this is very common.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

"and for the last three years i have been the sole contributor to the joint account"

So you are trying to stiff your wife that has given up her earning potential to look after your children?

It was a clear as day that your post was written by a manipulative, greedy man who wants all the money for himself.

If you aren't married to your "OH" she doesn't have to give you a penny of HER "investment" and if you are, then your investment is an asset of the marriage.

[Lweji]

TBH, I initially thought you were a woman, and my thoughts were that you could split the value corresponding to the years you contributed to, not all. Presumably there was a deposit put in, which should definitely not be split if you kept the proceeds from the sale of your house.

It's not easy, because the one who rented their house presumably profited while was rented.
In contrast the one whose house was lived in didn't have that opportunity.
So, I think the profits from the rent should have been shared between the two, if not the value of the house sale.

It's not clear in my mind if you shouldn't have also shared the value of the house you sold corresponding to the years you were together.

If one was the sole provider for a few years because the other was at home taking care of the children, then it doesn't matter who actually paid into the account, as there was an actual joint contribution towards the family.

[Gingernutz]

JoinYourPlayfellows - thanks for your view, but i am struggling with the part which says:
"It was a clear as day that your post was written by a manipulative, greedy man who wants all the money for himself"
When all of 'my' money is now invested in 'our' house and i do not have a single penny in savings now, plus all of the other comments i have made which no doubt will be the retort for the 'manipulative' bit..
But again, thanks for playing...

[HoldMeCloserTonyDanza]

Why do you care for our opinion when you think we're a load of irrational sexists?

[Gingernutz]

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza - i only think the irrational sexists are irrational and sexist not everyone....stupid is as stupid does, if it ain't you then don't feel aggrieved.

[Lweji]