keeping my money for myself, but asking for some of the OH profit in house sale

[Gingernutz]

So, before my OH and I got together, I owned a house and they owned a house.
We got together, I moved into THEIR house and rented my house out.
we BOTH paid into a joint account for about 7 years and split the mortgage payments and household/living expenses equally (based on income) on the house we were living in, and for the last three years i have been the sole contributor to the joint account, whilst the other house (my old one) ticked along paying for itself via tenants.
Last year I sold my house eventually and got a nice little sum of £'s.
We are now going to sell the house we are living in. My question..
AIBU if I keep all of the profit from my house AND expect a percentage of the profit the new house has made from the date i have been contributing/paying the mortgage?
My OH believes that we should also spilt the profit made from the sale of my house because we just happened to have chose THEIR house to live in, but I say, imagine that i had SOLD my house as soon as i moved out of it to move into the OH's house and the invested that money into, say, stocks and shares which then went on to make a nice profit (about the same as the profit i made on my initial investment in the house for instance!) would they THEN be entitled to that profit? I see the keeping on of the house as a continuing INVESTMENT of my money, so my OH has no claim on any of it, but when i started contributing to the mortgage of the OH's house, i TOO became a joint investor in THAT investment...
Emotion aside, what are peoples thoughts on this?
(sorry for length..and that something i NEVER thought i'd be saying)...

[PatPig]

"I think it comes down to her wanting to have a 60/40% share in the new house because thats the kind of ratio we will be putting in financially."

I'm confused, who is 60, who is 40?

You and your wife are as I understand it buying a new house.

What proportion of the equity do you want for you both to have, and what proportion of the equity does she want for you both to have?

[Gingernutz]

60% her, 40% me

[MmeLindor]

If you had laid that all out in your initial post, then you would have got different answers, sure. Because we would be going on facts rather than bits and pieced of information.

Despite what you seem to believe, most of us are quite fair and would give an honest answer. I certainly did.

How about this as an alternative OP. I think the responses would have been different if you had written this, which is really what you are concerned about, imo.

AIBU to be hurt that my DW doesn't trust me?

I rented my house when we moved in together and have now sold my house, which I want to invest with her in a house that we buy together. She would prefer to ascertain exactly how much each of us is contributing financially, and keep her portion separate.

She was badly stung years before we married, and is reluctant to put all her eggs in the one basket. I understand her reasoning but am a bit upset that she doesn't fully trust me to not run off with her money, leaving her and our kids high and dry?

[QuintessentialShadows]

"like i would ever take the roof from my childrens heads..."

She is being very sensible.

If you read on here enough, you will find that 90% of men DO in fact not only take the roof from their own childrens heads, they forget they even exist, the moment they move on with some other woman. They will even favour new women's children over their own, and will be quite happy to kick out the mother of their children and their children if they can house a new love interest and her brood.

[PatPig]

So where is the money from the house you sold before? Is that going into the new house?

Or is that as savings in your name?

I think savings + house should all be done 50/50. At least as a starting point.

But if you've said to her when you sold that house 'this money from my house [that you sold before] is mine', then naturally she's going to want a bigger share on the house now.

If you still have more than a few £k in savings then I can understand her position.

If there's nothing really left then the house should be 50/50.

[YouHaveAGoodPoint]

What about you and your wife putting equal amounts into the new house and the excess from your wife's pot being given direct to the children.

It sort of adds up to the same thing but might be more palatable to your wife. ??

I would be upset if my partner of more than 7 years and joint parents of my kids wanted to retain money in case of divorce.

[QuintessentialShadows]

Let me get this straight. You say "60% her, 40% me" Because that is the equity you put in.

If you are unhappy about that, then you are already taking from the mother of your children, and you have not even split.

Ponder that one, for a game of soldiers....

[MmeLindor]

I don't think a lot of men realise how often women find themselves in the situation that they have given up their career to raise a family, or struggled to get back into the workforce.

It makes one feel rather vulnerable. At present, if my DH had a midlife crisis and ran off to Tahiti, I would be fucked. I don't expect that to happen, and in my heart and my mind I know he wouldn't do that, but I do sometimes think that women who have a tiny nest egg are wiser than I am.

Generally speaking, the women are left with the kids so we feel we are having to secure their futures too.

[Beastofburden]

Well look, ginger, here's what I would do in your shoes.

Let her have the ratio that makes her feel safe
Quietly double heck the figures using the method I suggested to you
If you separate (hope you don't) get a lawyer because the actual split will be what the law says it is. Long marriage, over ten years, 50 : 50 I think but I am no expert.

[Gingernutz]

PatPig - every penny of everything i own is gone into the new house.

[onlytheonce]

Ginger, I think you need to start a new thread because it was incredibly confusing to start with, and I can understand why you got the reaction you did.

Anyway, I would be put out too by things not being split evenly, and you'd have to check but I thought if you were married it doesn't really matter?

From a purely financial view, if you paid the mortgage 50/50 (or viewed her looking after the kids as contributing half) then the share would equal out as you paid the mortgage off. How would that be assessed? It all gets a bit complicated.

If she's had an experience in the past where she's been screwed over then her attitude is a bit more understandable even though it hurts. Would you be willing to let her keep a separate pot of money as a 'just in case' and the house to be 50/50?

[Gingernutz]

YouHaveAGoodPoint - you have a good point...
however, we need to extend the new house to make extra bedrooms etc which is where we need the extra money from my wife from.

[MmeLindor]

I agree with BeastofBurden.

If you ever were to split, this would be sorted out by a solicitor.

If it makes your wife feel more secure, what does it matter?

[QuintessentialShadows]

"every penny of everything i own is gone into the new house."

Would your wife say the same?

If so, she would be very vulnerable the moment you decide to boost your ego a little. She will find herself with children, no OH, children crying for daddy, no money, no job, while you ponce like a peacock without a care in the world.

If you are sure this would not happen, then I honestly dont see why you are objecting!

[YouHaveAGoodPoint]

Blimey some of these posts are very depressing. Do people really need to be that cynical about marriage . Lots and lots of marriages do work out well.

[Gingernutz]

I guess i should just go with what beastofburden says as i have no intention of it getting to a point where it is relevant anyway..
i have absolutely no intention, even if we did split, of 'expecting' half or indeed any more financially than I put in and, unlike the f*ck knuckles to which MmeLindor and others allude, I would walk away with nothing rather than see my children suffer in any way.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Lots and lots of marriages do work out well. And lots don't. I was lucky that my ex-H acted like a gentleman during our divorce. I asked for less than I was entitled to and he didn't quibble at all. That is NOT a lot of people's experience.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

[MmeLindor]

Youhaveagoodpoint
I am not really cynical, but am quite realistic as I have gotten to an age where I see it happening to friends. I had a friend whose DH buggered off with a younger woman, leaving her with 3 kids. He went 'freelance' so that he could cook his books and say he wasn't earning much, so he didn't have to pay maintenance. When we met them a year before, they seemed like a close and happy couple.

I know that my DH wouldn't leave me high and dry, and I also know that I would be able to support myself but it would be a struggle.

[QuintessentialShadows]

So why are you objecting to letting your wife feel secure then?

[Gingernutz]

QuintessentialShadows - you know women do leave men too right?
and not always because the man has been a nob.

[Gingernutz]

QuintessentialShadows - and that cuts both ways does it?
god forbid i should be left emotionally and finacially pi**ing in the wind eh? Ah well, Men deserve it right?

[MmeLindor]

Gingernutz
Don't get me wrong, I am not a 'all men are bastards' kind of person. I have a decent man, who would say exactly the same as you about the fucknuckles who walk away from their families. He was horrified by the behavior of our friend's husband.

I just think, that if this helps her feel secure, then it is worth taking it on the chin and not seeing it as a slight.

[Gingernutz]

MmeLindor - i rather feel you are right. it's all wrapped up in bricks and morter anyway...
Fuck it, she can have the lot :o)

[PatPig]

I am slightly confused by your language here.

You said in your OP:

'Last year I sold my house eventually and got a nice little sum of £'s'

So YOU sold YOUR house, in your eyes.

'We are now going to sell the house we are living in. '

But now WE are selling OUR house.

You don't say 'we sold my house' and 'we sold her house', you say 'I sold my house' and 'we are selling our house'.