keeping my money for myself, but asking for some of the OH profit in house sale

[Gingernutz]

So, before my OH and I got together, I owned a house and they owned a house.
We got together, I moved into THEIR house and rented my house out.
we BOTH paid into a joint account for about 7 years and split the mortgage payments and household/living expenses equally (based on income) on the house we were living in, and for the last three years i have been the sole contributor to the joint account, whilst the other house (my old one) ticked along paying for itself via tenants.
Last year I sold my house eventually and got a nice little sum of £'s.
We are now going to sell the house we are living in. My question..
AIBU if I keep all of the profit from my house AND expect a percentage of the profit the new house has made from the date i have been contributing/paying the mortgage?
My OH believes that we should also spilt the profit made from the sale of my house because we just happened to have chose THEIR house to live in, but I say, imagine that i had SOLD my house as soon as i moved out of it to move into the OH's house and the invested that money into, say, stocks and shares which then went on to make a nice profit (about the same as the profit i made on my initial investment in the house for instance!) would they THEN be entitled to that profit? I see the keeping on of the house as a continuing INVESTMENT of my money, so my OH has no claim on any of it, but when i started contributing to the mortgage of the OH's house, i TOO became a joint investor in THAT investment...
Emotion aside, what are peoples thoughts on this?
(sorry for length..and that something i NEVER thought i'd be saying)...

[WilsonFrickett]

Surely in a partnership you share everything?

[PatPig]

My guess for what happened:

• Before they met, OP and his wife/partner had job and house each
  
• OP and wife decide to shack up - they move in to her house, around 10 years ago
  
• OP, because he was living in wife's house, is able to sell his house, making a profit, which he trousered entirely
  *3 years ago she had a baby and gave up work to look after his baby
  
• Now he thinks she doesn't deserve the profits from her own house, which she owned before he met her, because he paid the mortgage for the last few years, ignoring the fact that she sacrificed her career to have his baby.

[WhoNickedMyName]

YABU.

If you hadn't moved into your OH's house, then you wouldn't have been able to rent yours out.

You either split the proceeds from your sale AND from your OH's sale.

Or you keep your profit and your OH keeps theirs.

But you seem to want all yours AND some of theirs.

(I'm assuming you've been a sole contributor to the joint account whilst your OH has given up work for childcare/illness related reasons, rather than they just CBA working).

[Gingernutz]

Wow! thanks for everyone fast response (at least the ones who were not slightly accusatory regarding my gender or sexual persuasion!).
I would say that a lot of you guys are focusing on the fact that the 'INVESTMENT' is a house and missing the point that, had I sold taken the money out of the house I owned and either frittered it away or invested it in something else that gave me as good a yield as property, would you all still feel that my OH should have some of that cash too?
I should point out too , every penny of that profit is going back into the NEW house we are buying. Together. As Wife and Husband....I don't want to seem like a complete selfish money grabber because if it was up to me it WOULD all go in the joint pot to be honest...

[MillyStar]

Why does it even matter if you are lifelong partners?

Surely all of the profit from both homes will go into a joint account?

Very strange relationship IMO and you sound very greedy!!

[MillyStar]

Sorry x post

If you want the money into a pot and they don't then I'd say its time to reevaluate the relationship

[Fairylea]

You either share everything, or you don't.

You are not legally entitled to anything from your ohs house unless you are married or on the deeds..I know because I had all this with my ex who was trying to claim 20k from me because he'd paid towards windows... etc but basically little else. The solicitor in so many words said he could go fuck himself. Whatever you spent towards the property would have been spent renting somewhere and paying towards upkeep.

Or - you talk and both share some of the profits from both houses. Why should you get a nice tidy sum from your old property because you chose to move in with your oh and your oh gets no benefit from this? In a way he or she has enabled you to keep this going.

[SuperiorCat]

Are you splitting up? If not I don't see the issue. You are a couple, just share everything.

If you are splitting up, then yes you do owe your DP some money from the rented house - living in the joint home enabled you to make money on the rented property.

[MmeLindor]

Now I am confused. Is this a reverse AIBU?

Stop using OH and husband and wife and tell us the full story.

Using pronouns.

It makes it much easier to understand.

Are you investing the money from your house into the new house? Then why ask whether your wife should benefit from it?

[QuintessentialShadows]

Your investment into OH's house is dependent on the investment in your own house, because you could only make the investment by living there, or in a flat. So, to make it really short and sweet, your tenants paid the mortgage on your house, and you paid the rent in OHs house. So your tenants have a stake in Ohs house.


If you had not lived with OH, you would have paid rent somewhere.

To make it fair, you should have both rented somewhere together. Used rental income from your own properties to pay your rent. Then you would be in the same position as now. OH sells his/her house. You sell your house. You both keep your own profit and have no share in eithers.

[Gingernutz]

to PatPig,
please see following post. I neither agree with your tone of post nor of your supposition of the facts. Both are well of the mark.
But thanks for your 'GUESS' and opinion

[poppingin1]

You sound greedy if I'm honest. and not the kind of person I would have a relationship with

As Dido and others have pointed out... "In agreement with the notion that as you were able to live with your partner, your house was freed up to make a profit - and get your mortgage paid for you by the tenants. This wouldn't have been so if you were living in it."

[MmeLindor]

And I think you also have to distinguish between legal and moral responses to this.

If you are splitting up then your legal responsibility to your spouse will be different than the moral question of whether you are being an arse by withholding money from your family.

[viperslast]

Assuming you were the only contributer for the last three years for good reason (dc, illness) rather than your current oh unilaterally deciding they cba to work then that is a non issue and should be treated the same as if equal contributions continued.

Therefore, technically (to my laymans eye) you are entitled to 50% of the rise in value of the shared home since you started to contribute. However your oh is entitled to the same on your property too. Your household income and outgoings included the rental and the mortgage payments for that time period.

You sound grabby and entitled. I really hope this conversation is because of a relationship breakdown because I would hate to think anyone could actually treat someone they love like this (pretty disgusting treating someone you used to love like that too tbh)

[BreconBeBuggered]

My head might be hurting a bit now, I have to admit, but if as you say all your profit is going into a new house, what's the question about?

[K8Middleton]

If you're married it makes no difference. When if she divorces you she gets 50% of the assets as a starting point. If you're married and playing "my money + my contribution = your money is my money" you should look up financial abuse and stop being a twat.

Of course I could be completely wrong and you're just playing "I've contributed more, aren't I wonderful and you're so lucky" or something else entirely because you have been deliberately obscure so who knows?!

One thing is certain, it's really annoying to ask for advice but not present the whole truth for debate.

[MmeLindor]

Why can't you just be straight about the situation then, which would prevent us making assumptions and coming to our own conclusions.

Are you a man, and this is about your wife? Do you have children? Are you still together or splitting up?

[MissStrawberry]

You ask if it is okay to want your own houses profit and some of your "OH's" too.

Then you say YOU want to put it all in one pot..

[LazyMonkeyButler]

Is this a reverse AIBU? If not, I'm not sure I understand the "if it was up to me it would all go in the joint pot" comment.

If it is a reverse AIBU - why have you not been able to contribute to the joint account for 3 years? Are you either a SAHP or someone who is unable to work for health reasons?

People are only asking this because it does sort of make a difference as to the level of U.

[MerylStrop]

Are you splitting up?

If not, why would you not consider all assets (profits???) as belonging to you jointly?

Alternatively, you could each look at the level of equity you each held in your respective homes and agree that is retained by each of you.

OBVIOUSLY this should have been sorted out many years ago, before trowing your lot in together.

(This must be a reverse AIBU)

[K8Middleton]

Actually I've revised my position to "eh?"

[poppingin1]

I don't think anyone should assume the OP is a man or make guesses as to what the situation is beyond what OP has explained, which is enough to answer the question anyway.

Greed comes in all shapes, sizes and contexts.

[Gingernutz]

Superoircat,
I actually agree with you and am not looking to "make money" from this at all and no, as far as i know we are NOT splitting up! :)
I can assure you, my ideal is just to plow everything I have and everything they have into the new house and whatever 'other' investments we can find to provide for OUR future and our childrens future. TBH it is my OH who wants to put figures etc on things because they were ripped off my someone many years ago and just don't want that to happen again.
To be clear, EVERTHING I have is going into the new family house...

[Beccagain]

How many other halves do you have OP? Gives up on the rest of it

[MmeLindor]

Popping
When I answered the OP, I was addressing a woman. I would have given the same answer to a man. It makes no difference to me.

The only think that makes a difference is that the three years of non-contribution - if that was because the OH was a SAHParent, then it should not be counted against them.

Or if they couldn't work for health reasons, obviously.