to think SIL's lucky she hasn't been arrested for criminal damage?

[WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco]

She's just said that her neighbour was so rude to her that she went home and cried.

SIL had weeded her neighbours front garden because she decided it needed doing. Later on she saw the neighbour cleaning her windows so joked, 'oh you can do mine if you like' and the neighbour snapped 'not bloody likely'.

SIL said, oh and I weeded your garden for you. Neighbour said, yes, I know, you've pulled up all the wildflowers I planted.

SIL went home and cried, not because she felt bad but because the neighbour was rude, and shoudl bloody well keep her garden weeded, and told me that next time she's just going to put weedkiller down.

I've offended her now because I said she's bloody lucky not to be charged with criminal damage, and that if anyone did that to my garden I'd be furious. She has done it to us as well, she just comes round and starts cleaning or pulling up 'weeds', now I know she means well and mostly let her get on with it but I think she's seriously fucked her neighbour off.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure she'll carry on, and I do think the neighbour won't stand for it.

I thin kI need to say more to her, make it crystal clear that what sh'es doing is not NORMAL and that the neighbour is completely right to be annoyed.

AIBU?

I spoke to her this morning after getting nowhere with BIL.

I stressed that I was very worried (I was up all night worrying, in fact ) that she was going to get herself into real trouble, and reminded her that if they want to move in future, which they do, then any problems with neighbours could cause real problems. If the neighbour does lodge any sort of complaint then that would have to be stated to any potential buyers etc.

She said what BIL had said about it being a shared lawn, now I was researching this a bit this morning and to the best of my knowledge it's not shared, there's no such thing. They have rights to use half each of the other neighbours' drive for access and I think that is where the confusion comes from. I've advised her to check their deeds.

She said that she can't just mow her side as it would look odd, I said to just imagine there's a fence, or even to get a fence. She said the neighbour has told her she likes to keep her grass longer, and I said, look, that's obviously her way of telling you to leave her grass alone.

She has said she will knock and ask before mowing it next time.

I think she did get what I was saying, although she really couldn't see why the neighbours would want weeds and long grass, but I said, well that's up to them really, it's their house.

I just hope I haven't fucked up by talking to BIL, he was quite angry with me I think (it was a very rushed conversation), historically any kind of intervention like this hasn't been received well which is why I'm a bit reticent to interfere usually.

Anyway. That's where we're at.

I personally would leave it now and not go and speak to the neighbours as then you are overstepping the boundary yourself.

This doesn't stop you voicing your opinion if asked, so if SIL or the neighbour speaks to you about it then you can and should give your viewpoint.

If she doesn't understand them liking 'weeds' there's an opportunity for her to learn about wild flowers and gardening for wildlife. There's heaps online if she's intereseted in learning. (Maybe she'll get into it and become desparate to share her bird feeders and bug hotels instead!)

She said she's going to get rid of the neighbours pyrocanthus as she hates it and it's not a suitable shrub because the neighbour has children

Hmn. Theft, harassment, nuisance, for starters.

It does come across as a lot more controlling/odd than well-meaning. And is BIL placatory because he doesn't really care?

Whatever, you can't save her from this, sadly. If your SIL continues she will get into trouble. But then, that might get her some help. How does your DN cope?

Sadly people like this don't often get into trouble.

With mine, the police, proper police not PCSOs, had a stern word with her, which helped a bit. But that was only after three years of this shit after which she'd involved them first by making serious false allegations against us because we wouldn't do what she wanted and asked her repeatedly to get lost.

They came round to check and realised we were more sinned against than sinning.

She'd stolen and damaged small items on our property and though the Safer Neighbourhoods Team referred it for a prosecution, CID wasn't interested.

You need police and/or local authority backing for an ASBO and it wasn't considered that serious even thought I swung between despair and rage sometimes.

It's expensive madness pursuing an injunction except in cases of serious physical harm.

Actually, I say it was a small amount of damage but she caused about £1,000-worth of damage but as we couldn't prove it was her, there was no point reporting her. I can't think of anyone else who would have done it though.

And there was the cost of the CTTV equipment after that to stop her unauthorised visits.

What about pointing out, as well, that weed killer is pretty child-unfriendly, possibly more so tham pyrocanthus!

I think I'd stay out of it now, but if I really felt inclined to say anything further, I'd encourage the neighbours to plant a row of minature shrubs down the dividing line on the lawn.