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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SIL's lucky she hasn't been arrested for criminal damage?

108 replies

WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 15:47

She's just said that her neighbour was so rude to her that she went home and cried.

SIL had weeded her neighbours front garden because she decided it needed doing. Later on she saw the neighbour cleaning her windows so joked, 'oh you can do mine if you like' and the neighbour snapped 'not bloody likely'.

SIL said, oh and I weeded your garden for you. Neighbour said, yes, I know, you've pulled up all the wildflowers I planted.

Shock

SIL went home and cried, not because she felt bad but because the neighbour was rude, and shoudl bloody well keep her garden weeded, and told me that next time she's just going to put weedkiller down.

I've offended her now because I said she's bloody lucky not to be charged with criminal damage, and that if anyone did that to my garden I'd be furious. She has done it to us as well, she just comes round and starts cleaning or pulling up 'weeds', now I know she means well and mostly let her get on with it but I think she's seriously fucked her neighbour off.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure she'll carry on, and I do think the neighbour won't stand for it.

I thin kI need to say more to her, make it crystal clear that what sh'es doing is not NORMAL and that the neighbour is completely right to be annoyed.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 16:06

She's always been like this.

OP posts:
YoureBeingADick · 22/09/2013 16:08

Do you know i have seen so many of these types of thread lately and they are always split between those who would be furious and those who say 'she can come round and do mine if she likes' i think ive found a niche in the market for people who get the urge to tidy other people's gardens for free- im thinking of a 'matching' service/ website where people who want it done post their area and await all the eager beavers to get in touch. Grin

Original poster
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 16:08

TBH her front garden is as wacky as shit, she is obsessed with ornaments and it looks like this.

I wouldn't blame her neighbour if she went round and smashed a few.

OP posts:
CharityFunDay · 22/09/2013 16:10

im thinking of a 'matching' service/ website where people who want it done post their area and await all the eager beavers to get in touch

^^

PresidentServalan · 22/09/2013 16:10

She is lucky she hasn't got into trouble before! I she came round and did that to me, I would go apeshit!

Original poster
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 16:12

So what shoudl I do?

She is very hard to talk to about things, she will never accept a different point of view. I almost feel like popping in to see her neighbour and explaining about the fact she's utterly batshit.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 22/09/2013 16:13

Talk to her dh.

Chat to the neighbour.

Get the police involved - it might give her a shock.

cocolepew · 22/09/2013 16:14

My friend came home from work to find her neighbour had cut down all her red poker plants because "they looked too rude and there are children living in the street".

It caused a major row.

Original poster
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 16:17

My older thread about the lawnmowing

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ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 22/09/2013 16:17

I wouldn't. It will come across like asking the neighbour to allow her to overstep boundaries and that is in nobody's interests. Why should the neighbour be asked to allow it? What if she starts to decide other things, like someone in the street shouldn't be doing something or someone shouldn't have something? Once someone starts to think they have to right to dictate and control one thing, they will start to think they have the right to dictate and control other things. She needs to be stopped. For her own sake.

What she needs is help. I think that someone should talk to her husband and say look, she needs help with this because if she doesn't stop, she'll end up being arrested. The neighbour is under no obligation to tolerate it. It's not her right or her place to decide how someone else's property should look and if she can't understand that, there is something seriously amiss.

YouTheCat · 22/09/2013 16:19

I don't think the neighbour should be asked to allow it, quite the opposite.

I think the neighbour should be asked to log it and report it.

Original poster
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 16:21

I think something needs to happen.

More and more lately I think there is something actually identfiably 'wrong' with her.

I love her, and I'm really worried about this.

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AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 22/09/2013 16:21

Bees need wild flowers and things, and we need bees. Has she not thought of the bees?

Cocole I have never 'boggled' at anything on MN before but the neighbour with the poker plant opinions/cutting...wtf? I mean, WT actual FUCK? How can a plant be rude? Shock

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 22/09/2013 16:23

Then you have to help her. Even if she hates you for it.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 22/09/2013 16:29

Has she always been so particular WP? Is it worse since she had her dc? I had a few compulsive behaviours around cleaning and things after dc1 (totally unusual for me slattern), not to your sil's extent, but it was a horrible time.
She doesn't sound very well, her behaviour is beyond eccentric, I'd be worried for her that the neighbour does become aggressive or contact the police.

I don't envy you, you're damned if you do step in, damned if you don't. Sad

Original poster
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 16:29

You're right.

I just don't know how.

I'm going to ring her later and try and make her see that her 'help' towards this neighbour is actually really offensive and going to get her into masses of trouble.

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whois · 22/09/2013 16:30

SIL is seriously not normal!

miffybun73 · 22/09/2013 16:34

YANBU, I would be absolutely furious too if I was the neighbour.

She needs to realise that her behaviour is not normal or socially acceptable :(

Beastofburden · 22/09/2013 16:34

Oh dear. Suerly her DH ought to know what to say to her?

starfishmummy · 22/09/2013 16:38

Started a thread because someone came and wrecked my garden. Mil (previous form) denied it. Turned out she paid her nieces husband to do it.

cocolepew · 22/09/2013 16:39

Alex those were practically the same words my friend said to her NDN. Apparently they looked "too peni" HmmGrin

cocolepew · 22/09/2013 16:40

Oh Starfish is that how it turned out? I knew MIL has something to do with it!

Original poster
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 16:43

DH says she's always been like this, I do think she is worse since having her DS (he's nearly 6), I only knew her for a few months before she had him though.

I've had so much good advice about her over the years, I do take it. But nothing so far has changed anything.

She used to be really awful to me, she was jealous I think, and then we had a bit of a watershed at my wedding where she broke down and cried and told me how miserabel she was, we've been friends since then and I've tolerated a lot of her 'foibles' but every so often she does things that are so jaw droppingly mental that I have to step back a bit.

She absolutely will not see anyone about her anxiety/depression/whatever. Her latest thing is that she's having an early menopause (because the doctor told her she was perimenopausal, she has misunderstood and thinks that means premature menopause) so she talks at length about that to everyone and says that's why she's a bit anxious and crazy.

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 22/09/2013 16:44

Your sister in law is lucky she has a very tolerant neighbour.

Original poster
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco · 22/09/2013 16:45

I don;t think she is all that tolerant, it sounds like she's had enough.

OP posts: