I have been through some stuff when I was younger, not the same but enough similar for this to be of relevance. I have had lots of councelling but one of the most powerful things I have done was some guided visualisation. A bit like hypnotism but not as extreme as that. I'll share it and you see if there is anything helpful for you in there?
The councellor asked me to sit very comfortably and relax, keep my eyes open and flcus on something random, and talked me back through the years as if I was taking my adult self back to visit that moment, when something very bad happened to me. She was very clear I was revisiting this memory as an adult, not put myself back there in the position of the vulnerable younger person, but just observe as my adult self.
She then asked me what I could see my younger self was feeling, and also what my self now was feeling as an adult observing what had happened. And what I felt as a grown up, towards the person who was abusing my you her self. And what, if I could, what would I want to say to my younger self. And this was the powerful bit for me... My younger self was so young, so lovely and so innocent. All my older self wanted to do was to protect and nurture her, to hug her and tell her it wasn't her fault. And firy at the prick who did this to her. I wasn't telling thos girl to buck up, or stop being so bloody naive... Becuase for the first time I realised that this younger person, she was lovely and innocent and sweet and it wasn't her fault. I wasn't angry with her, I was sad for her.
It was a big thing for me, realising that as an adult, I wanted to hug and nurture her, and I also realised that it would be wrong to kick her to grow up and protect herself!
For me this was so powerful as it was a way of getting me to see myself, not as myself but then, but to revisit this young girl being horribly badly used by someone... And being able to see her through more grown up and detached eyes.
I have obviously missed out details as its a very personal thing, but was wondering if it helped you at all, for me was the moment when I actually stopped blaming myself and hating myself, and hating the right person for taking my innocence away.
(next step was dealing with that, but I could t ever deal with that anger until it was directed at the right person!)
