AIBU to expect time to ourselves

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Let me say at the start that I love having days with my family. I know, in turn, we are cherished by kids and grandkids alike. :D

I'd hoped that in our 60s, we could look forward to retirement and unplanned days with no ties.

Instead, we find ourselves repeating early married life eg pushing a pram, standing at school gates in the rain, dealing with toddler tantrums, etc.

Current climate means both parents work and grandparents do childcare from babyhood through to the end of secondary school.

AIBU to expect time for me?

I think that if you have offered and been taken up on the offer of childcare then it is too late to moan about it now even if you regret offering. If, on the otherhand, you were pushed into a corner and have been put in a situation you never wanted then I think you need to try to find some middle ground.

Having GPs that give childcare is invaluable, we are always so very jealous of friends who have family to help out. It saves both their sanity and ££s, we don't have anyone to help out and it costs us dearly.

There's a middle way.

Once kids are in school, many parents can work school hours plus use of after school club, but desperately need some ad-hoc cover for when DC are ill, or there's an INSET day, or they need a week's cover in the long holidays cos their own hoildays won't stretch and the various holiday clubs are too much wall to wall. Offering to cover that kind of thing is invaluable, plus maybe the odd weekend for the parents to get away as a couple.

But unless you are very willing, I would say that for regular term-time childcare, it would be fair to ask the parents to make those arrangements.

Srednivashtar - My grandmother needed care, but she was 75 before she needed help. My mum had taken early retirement by then and could do it. However, my DS will only be 45 when I hit 75. It's unlikely he'll be retired for another 20 years, most likely he's going to be working FT. My younger DC is also highly likely to be working full time at the time I reach the age my grandparents were old and infirm. I assume when it's my turn to need care, it'll have to be paid for. I also don't assume I'll be fit enough to care for DGC myself, but then I pay for my childcare now.

I've helped my daughter and my son, and their partners, with childcare. Even when it meant a two hour plus each way train/bus trip to meet kids from school and give them tea. Their parents worked hard, and I appreciated childcare costs a fortune. The other grandparents also helped out. All us 'grands' were hugely appreciated, and we never felt taken advantage of, as we spelled out how much we could manage. A bonus was the great relationship with the grandkids as a result.

I do know some 'grands' are taken huge advantage of, their kids assuming they have a 'right' to childcare, thus resentment building on the part of the grandparents. It's a tricky one to negotiate. I know I'm lucky, and so are my kids! I still help out, in my seventies, but my kids know that if it gets too much for me, I'll tell them, and they'll accept it cheerfully. [Goes off to polish halo [smile[)

It depends imv.
Babysitting the first GC is lovely, babysitting the second is lovely too if a bit more demanding, as there are two now. But this can go on and on as other GCs come along, and it can last decades. So can be asking too much imv.

Other issue is will OP's DH back her up, is he as keen on days away as she is, perhaps he doesn't take on as much of the childcare so perhaps he is quite happy with the arrangement, does he disappear off to his shed to follow his hobby for example.

OP's DH needs to be on board before changes can be made.

Say no if you don't want to do it. You are incredibly fortunate to be of the generation where you can retire at 60 on a comfortable pension and expect several decades of relaxation. Your own children won't get that luxury - they will most likely be working to pay off student debts and massive mortgages well into their late 60s before they can retire on a meagre pension.