to think that if you are invited for dinner at someone's house you should follow their cultural norms for arival time?

[froken]

We are invited for dinner tonight at our lovely Spanish friend's house.

I am English and my dp is Swedish (we all live in Sweden.)

When we have our spanish friend over for dinner and say come at 6 (for example) she often comes at 7 ish.

The last time we were invited to dinner at her house we were 20 mins late, we were so worried that we were very late but when we arived the only people who were there were a our friends who are Dutch. Her (the hostess) Spanish friends turned up about half an hour after us, her Brazilian friends came about 2 hours after us.

The Swedes like to be on time. A Swedish friend called me to apologise for being late. He was 3 minuites late and we were meeting me at my apartment (and we both have babies.)

We are invited at 7. They live 10 mins away. I have suggested we leave our house at 7 (arriving at 7.10/7.15 ish) Dp is not coping well with the suggestion of being late on purpose.

AIBU?

Ummmmmmm - whatever. I am sure it will go well whatever time you turn up. If she said 7, then go at 7.

Did your friend not give a time? I'm Spanish so we tend to eat late, I always suggest people have a snack and head over for around eight, but I have tapas to hand for those who are really hungry.

Why not ring up and ask what time they are expecting you/would like you to arrive?

Then arrive at that time.

Should you not just turn up when you've been told to turn up?

Did your friend not give a time? Yes, she said 7.

If she clearly has no problem with lateness I would just go along as you've planned. 10-15 minutes is not really late at all.
When you turned up last time was she ready for you? Or was she flapping around still sorting stuff?
If you felt uncomfortable being on time last time? If not then it doesn't seem to be something I would worry about too much. She seems quite laid back as far this is concerned and I doubt very much you will offend her.

I don't get why people give a time and expect you to be late.

I tend to give a time, but dinner is later than the time i stated because It good to have a catch up and relax a bit before serving the meal.

It's difficult, sometimes, dealing with cultural differences - we were once invited round for 'Christmas morning drinks and nibbles' (this is in Ireland, I'm a Brit) - so we left it as late as possible, knowing that our hosts would probably have had a late night the night before, and most people we socialise with in our area are generally around 1 to 2 hours 'late' for social engagements. 'As late as possible' when invited to a morning get -together is, to me, 12 noon. We arrived to find our hosts still in bed... ah well, we had a good time helping to get the nibbles ready for everyone else :)

I'd turn up at around 7.15 if it were me, but some of my Irish friends would see 7 and think 8, or even 9 (I'm getting better at being late after 14 years of it!). Best to ask, maybe?

Growing up in Spain, I would say, do what you do. We eat quite late and have snack food , and it will always be awkward if you get there about half an hour too early. In Ecuador, where we are now, they take hours to come round

God - I think turning up at 8 or 9 for a 7pm dinner is downright rude! Ive spent 4 years trying to train dp out of just turning up when he likes - 7 means 7 to me. Not 715, not 8.

I'd hate to have to make small talk with those who've turned up on time because you cant eat because others haven't bothered to be polite.

'7 means 7 to me'

I'm Swedish and can not cope at all with not being bang on time. It really is ingrained in Swedish culture. I suppose if for the Spanish the norm is to be late, you might be rude getting there on time though. Especially if the hosts are not ready at that time.

With my Swedish friends, I've found that they don't arrive late or early. I have spied them driving around the block to kill time so they could arrive on the dot

I'm British and I'd say on time is fine; never arrive early and probably 10 minutes after the stated time will ensure your host gives a sigh of relief because they won't quite be ready bang on time.

Irish people are notoriously late for everything and even though it is my culture it drives me batty. :-).

No it wouldnt be rude to arrive on time but it wouldnt berude or unusual to go later either.

erm, I would just like to say, although we eat late, I am never, ever late for anything. I just suggest that people turn up at our place later, because we tend to eat late. I would not be so rude as to be late. Married knew my grandmother and I'm sure will agree that we don't 'do' late as a culture!

I like the " old " way of saying something like 7 for 7.30 so that guests know being a bit after 7 would be ok; but the meal will be 7.30.

Unless of course it is my mil who has a habit of arriving much earlier than asked for: so if everyone else is asked for 7, I will tell her 7.30 (and the will still come before 7)

Smiling at all the Northern Europeans' punctuality.

If she said 7pm, she means come anytime after 7pm, expecting people not to arrive before 7:45 or 8pm.

Time is a bit more elastic for Latinos.

We were invited to our Ecuadorian friends birthday party. We were told to arrive at 8pm. Annoyingly our train was delayed by an hour. We called twice to apologise to our host. When we arrived an hour late nobody else was there. Most of the other guests arrived between 9.30-10.30!

The night really got going at midnight by which time we had to leave to relieve the babysitter.

Same in the asian community, a 1pm lunch invite/ wedding/ function things wont kick off until 2:30pm at the earliest. For weddings I turn up at 3pm as that is when lunch is served. With young kids under 5 I have given up witnessing the ceremony as its to stressful trying to keep them entertained. They are nore interested in running around & eating wedding cake.

I'd usually be about 10 mins late, out Irish friends are always late!

Asians also think that people who arrive on the dot for functions as odd!

What is the actual point of stating a time you don't mean? If people don't come till 8, invite them for 8 and watch their bemused faces when there is only pudding left when they turn up at 10.