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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you are invited for dinner at someone's house you should follow their cultural norms for arival time?

120 replies

froken · 21/09/2013 17:53

We are invited for dinner tonight at our lovely Spanish friend's house.

I am English and my dp is Swedish (we all live in Sweden.)

When we have our spanish friend over for dinner and say come at 6 (for example) she often comes at 7 ish.

The last time we were invited to dinner at her house we were 20 mins late, we were so worried that we were very late but when we arived the only people who were there were a our friends who are Dutch. Her (the hostess) Spanish friends turned up about half an hour after us, her Brazilian friends came about 2 hours after us.

The Swedes like to be on time. A Swedish friend called me to apologise for being late. He was 3 minuites late and we were meeting me at my apartment (and we both have babies.)

We are invited at 7. They live 10 mins away. I have suggested we leave our house at 7 (arriving at 7.10/7.15 ish) Dp is not coping well with the suggestion of being late on purpose.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByADragon · 21/09/2013 20:53

Asian time keeping always confuses me.

I am incapable of being late.

Bonsoir · 21/09/2013 20:55

I agree that it is best when people follow the cultural norms of the country they live in when it comes to meal times. I feel quite stabby when my New Yorker friend, who has lived in Paris for 5 years, tries to get us over for dinner at 6pm. None of my family are remotely hungry until after 8 pm and we do things in the afternoon!

wiltingfast · 21/09/2013 21:00

Dinner at 6! Yikes!

I suppose I'm not really helping the Irish cause there florafox Grin but an hour late seems so normal to me!

NuggetofPurestGreen · 21/09/2013 21:00

I'm Irish and am not hours late for things!!! The only time
I would be "late" is if it was a party (drinks not dinner) and you were told "from 8" or something. But that's not actually being late as you haven't been told to be there at 8 just a -after 8.

Other people's lateness gets my goat though.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 21/09/2013 21:01

(Disclaimer: don't mind 10 to 15 minutes late but more than that annoys me)

NuggetofPurestGreen · 21/09/2013 21:02

You're right though wilting people just tell people a time an hour before they really want to be there so it cancels out the lateness Grin

Maryz · 21/09/2013 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 21/09/2013 21:09

I can't cope with 7, not meaning 7. Does my swede in!! Clearly far too English Grin

squiddle · 21/09/2013 21:44

I'd go at 8 OP - you'll still be early! When I lived in Spain and arranged to meet other Brits, I'd ask if we were doing English time (get there roughly at the time specified) or Spanish time (get there 2 hours later).

kim147 · 21/09/2013 21:45

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
froken · 21/09/2013 21:46

The dinner was lovely! We realised we didn't know what house number she lived at ( just moved) so we walked around tge block a few times. By the time we got there it was 7.30. The host was in tge shower. I helped finish of tge dinner and dp found some otger Swedish people to chat to ;)

The Swedish culture of being on time is really quite amazing. We live in an apartment and dp has a huge family. We have actual queues of people in tge stairwell at the start of a part because they all arrive at exactly the right time.

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 21/09/2013 21:46

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NadiaWadia · 21/09/2013 21:52

Up to half an hour late seems fine to me. All this arriving bang on the dot seems a bit anal, and if I was the host I would prefer it if people didn't, as I probably won't be ready for them!

I would have thought Swedish people would have been a bit more laid back.

ClayDavis · 21/09/2013 21:53

I need to move to Ireland.

ExitPursuedByADragon · 21/09/2013 21:54

But a time is a time. Not a suggestion.

mameulah · 21/09/2013 21:57

I have lived in different countries with lots of different people. TELL YOUR FRIEND.

'This is awkward but......it is confusing for us......what are you expecting us to do......hahaha hohoho........lightheartedness......'

knickernicker · 21/09/2013 21:58

But why set a fake time?

NadiaWadia · 21/09/2013 22:02

Because things crop up at the last minute, and it is often difficult to get the meal ready (and the house presentable) for the specified time, despite all your good intentions. Guests should make allowances for this!

nkf · 21/09/2013 22:04

I can't understand people not being ready on time. But I do get that for some people it is hard. I used to get very annoyed by lateness. I used to theorise that they valued their time more than mine or were trying to create a sense of importance. Now, I think it doesn't come naturally to some people. They can't help it.

Maryz · 21/09/2013 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkf · 21/09/2013 22:07

Time isn't a suggestion for some people.

Maryz · 21/09/2013 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkf · 21/09/2013 22:13

Sounds like hell to me, but each to their own.

HarryTheHungryHippo · 21/09/2013 22:15

I hate being late, I'm using this thread to make a list of all the places I can never live.
Why say a time if you mean an hour later why not just say the hour later time? What utter madness is this... (Head explodes)

NuggetofPurestGreen · 21/09/2013 22:17

Maryz the dropping in thing would drive me bananas. Luckily none of my friends would do it but I know it's common enough in general. I wouldn't answer the door if the doorbell rang unexpectedly!

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