not very impressed that dh bans ds from pc all day then skips off to footie

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

... leaving me to deal with tearful aircraft obsessed 9 yo. Cheers

Minecraft not aircraft!

Why did he ban him?

If nothing serious I'd be tempted to let him on it and swear him to secrecy. I appreciate I'm wrong though!

Boot him out to play properly instead...

why did he ban him? if I were you I would text dh that he's really upset/sorry and point out that you are left holding the reins. then get your dh to ring his dad and apologise.

dh should then allow him to carry on.

although it does all depend in the reason for the ban in the first place.

It depends on why he banned him.
Would it have made a difference if dh banned him then went to work?
If he's been banned, then surely there's enough other stuff to occupy your ds. Perhaps making a card to say sorry for what he did?

I understand why he insisted on the ban but I could do without the tears and recriminations from ds and I really think if dh had stayed he and ds would have come to an understanding.

I can see why you are annoyed but his dad must have banned him for a reason, DH took dds phone off her in the holidays and she whinged and moaned at me all day to get it back yes it is a PITA but you have to respect their wishes and not give in stay strong

he is just whinging cos he is expecting you to let him on the computer

Tell him there are 1001 other things he can do instead.

If DH is out your rules apply. He gets no say.

If DH is out your rules apply. He gets no say.

what really so it is ok to undermine the parent who isn't there this is a punishment fair do's if that works in your house wouldn't never in mine the dds would royally take the piss if we worked it that way

Text DH and tell him to come home and deal with what he's created.

He is 9 years old, he will not die from not playing mine craft for a whole day. You need to tell him to quit the tears and back your DH up with his punishment and then seriously think about how much your DS plays this game to make him exhibit such behaviour just by banning it for 1 day.

I really don't think you should let him on, because the last thing kids need is to know they can play one parent off against the other!

Would your husband have done the same thing if he had been the one to be in today or did he only do it because he knew he would be going out?

I suppose you could allow your son to earn back some computer time. That way, the punishment stands, he doesn't think oh, what dad says doesn't matter because mum will just tell me to forget about it, but he feels like he can 'redeem' himself. Maybe spring cleaning of his room?

Oh, but - speaking as the mother of game addicted children I advise you to limit computer time, including having days when they don't use it at all. It's not healthy for them to be on it every day, or for hours at a time. It's really hard to get them to break the habit, trust me.

If DH is out your rules apply. He gets no say.

That ^^ is so wrong I don't know where to start

Ugh it's not really dh it is ds he just does not know when to leave a subject alone and retreat he keeps refusing to listen to reason and suggestions as to the myriad things he could do. I can distract him but it takes up all my energy and there are other children and jobs that need doing. Ds is a pitiful mess and his lack of ability to cope with a minor inconvenience (to most) is frankly worrying as is my inability to stay in good temper when he is mooning around like his life is over.

I will sort this out and speak to dh as the reason for the ban was imo a little shaky. But I don't think ds should go to pieces every time life doesn't go his way and that is the real issue.

I am going to get us all out of the house to the park or something that will help.

when dd had her phone taken off her, (she is 15 ) she put her head against a door and wailed ITS NOT FAIR , major over ration and a wee bit dramtic i thought,
some kids are just OTT, OP ignore him tell him he can speak to his dad when he gets in and you do not want to hear another word, don't engage with him,

If I get this from either of my daughters when they've been banned from the Internet etc I just give them a list of chores that need done as obviously they have plenty of free time now and I am up to my eyes in it.

Amazing how quickly they manage to remember some more interesting activity and get out of my hair.

That includes 9yo dd.

You are creating a rod for your own back if you give in to the whinging.

Stay strong and back your dh's stance 100%. If you want to talk to him about why he banned your son from the computer, do it later in private.

Just send him out to play or to his room to amuse himself.

No one child should get to affect the mood of everyone else in the house, just because they can't get their own way.

Stick to the punishment or you'll regret it when he's a bit older.

The punishment should stand as otherwise your son will know all he has to do is play you off each other. Dads can set rules too.

thing i noticedis you are trying to reason with him he is an irrational whinging 9 yr old who cant get his own way there will beno reasoning with him until he gets back on to minecraft ignore him ,

He is 9. Just stop interacting with him. Tell him he was banned for a reason and they ban stands, is non negotiable and so there will be no more discussion on the matter.

You find kids go on and on if that tactic usually works so you need to start making him see that it isn't going to work until he realises and stops using that tactic.

If the reason for the ban was shaky I would give him a way of earning it back. Dp has done similar and ds1 knows I'll discuss it with him and arrange a way for him to earn it back.

It's all very well for one parent to impose a ban on the spur of the moment that's going to cause major angst, as long as they'll be the one dealing with the fallout.

If you wouldn't have banned him for the same reason then you shouldn't have to deal with the aftermath.