not very impressed that dh bans ds from pc all day then skips off to footie

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

... leaving me to deal with tearful aircraft obsessed 9 yo. Cheers

I've had to have words with my dh before, for imposing bans on things that he was then expecting me to police. He started banging on about me backing him up and a united front and all that malarkey, which is fine in principle, but I told him the least he could do was discuss it with me first and we'd decide together what was reasonable.

S'alright though I am away for a weekend in a few weeks. Maybe I can engineer applying a total screen ban for the 3 children on the Friday morning to stand for the weekend!? Revenge is a dish best served cold.

oh that is evil snigger

No that is daft daft no matter how inconvenient it was if I had let ds back on pc it would have undermined dh and condoned ds's behaviour ...

I do not deny that my DH and I will sometimes have differing opinions to my DC, we are separate people.

When I am supervising I am in charge and must remain so. There is no 'When your Father gets back...' Ditto for DH. TBH me and DH disagree on very little. If we are together we will discuss, we both have no qualms in delaying decisions 'I need to discuss it with your father...' would often be heard in our house.

Parenting can be difficult sometimes, I do not hide this from my DC. I explain in language they can understand, 'I want to let you have....but I do not want to encourage....behaviour'. I also apologise if I think I have made a mistake.

This is quite flexible. So I could let my DS play on the computer with no comeback at all. The genuine 'Sorry' with a show of repentance is enough for me. However I am not a pushover...not at all.

Talk to your DH when he gets in about this but don't relent now, you don't want to be the soft one.

I would be glad that my dh had took charge. My dd is four soon and my dh works long all hours. He leaves all parenting to me!!!
Back him up, even if you don't necessarily agree with it. I doubt he made the rule then buggered off leaving you to deal with it. He is banned.. end of. As you said, you agree on most things. So you need to show a united front to your dc.

you are right dafdame parenting is hard and well all do what we do to get by

My DP had a habit of grounding my super bouncy 8 year old DD for every little bit of misbehaviour! I had firm words and he doesn't donut so much now! I was the one having to keep her in!

OH i had to put a stop to the grounding it was Dh go to punishment I said urm you are never home when they are out playing Pfft to that,then he reconsidered

I'd let him go on the computer and do his punishment when your DH is there to take charge. Why should you get the fall-out from this. I'd give in because I don't believe in suffering!

Daftdame I agree you have to explain things to children and discuss things like punishments beforehand in an ideal situation. But I think you also need to trust your partner s judgement.

Today ds was 'on one' he is clearly tired after a full week of being good at school, if dh hadn't banned ds from the computer I would have probably had to later in the afternoon for his poor behaviour. Ds needs to know me and dh are stable and support each other. It models a good relationship, he also needs to see us 'discuss' things and get over minor arguments but I don't want discipline to be something we have to debate in front of the children, I want us to be consistent in that issue.

My parents had a terrible relationship did not back each other up, moaned about each other in front of us, argued but never resolved anything, and were completely different in their approaches to discipline, so me and my siblings never felt secure and played them off each other. Not good. [Sad] so being consistent is important to me.

big we don't really argue either. We definitely do not make a habit of moaning about each other to our DC.

But I wouldn't expect my DH to impose a sanction for me to carry out or visa versa. He would quite happily say 'I am considering...and I will discuss it with your mother.' If he did and it was going to be hellish I would expect him to forgo the football - but I am like that.

My DC need to know I am in charge and for that I need to be comfortable with what I am doing.

Since you have elaborated on the example you have given it sounds like you agree with the sanction, so fair enough.

Fair enough daftdame I think I misunderstood your earlier point - it sounds as though we are largely in agreement, I didn't enjoy enforcing dh punishment but I don't much enjoy enforcing my own, it's hard work being firm but fair

FFS suffering?

He is banned from a shitty computer game not having his toenails removed without anaesthetic!

Sounds like lazy parenting to me.