not very impressed that dh bans ds from pc all day then skips off to footie

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

... leaving me to deal with tearful aircraft obsessed 9 yo. Cheers

I agree he should not be playing for hours at a time. Dr needs this time off the pc and he is getting it. Dh just needs to make up with ds as ds is such a sensitive soul he cannot cope when people think badly of him that is the fallout I am getting and until dh gets home there will be no full resolution as they need to kiss and make up. I can't give ds what he wants very frustrating but there you go.

Agree that you have to follow through on the ban. But I would be a bit pissed off if I thought the ban wasn't necessary and DH then went off and left me to deal with it.

Tough luck DS. If you have an issue with people thinking badly of you modify your behaviour so they don't think badly of you.

Make him take some responsibility.

Errrm...no your DH doesn't have to 'make up' with your DS.

Your DS was the one in the wrong, therefore it should be the other way round.

I have been ignoring him successfully sent him to his room full of Lego while venting my spleen on tinernet. When I tell him to sod off go away he has a habit of going round the corner and peeping round at me with baleful kicked kitten eyes until my head explodes and I shout ... not happy about that.

Thank you for getting my head straight time for chores for all children as the girls are squaring their eyes at the moment and their rooms are in need of attention. Thank you all

I wasn't saying DH gets no say at all, but if I thought a rule was being applied unreasonably, and left me having to deal with the flak, then I certainly wouldn't uphold it!

From the original posts it sounded like DH had a row with DS and buggered off to football, shouting "No Minecraft!" on the way out.

Or do you all unquestioningly obey your DH?

We do back one another up when a punishment ie reasonably applied but not if the other one was being out of order, it was done in anger and would probably change their mind when they'd had a think about it.

A 9 year old whinging at me to get his own way over a computer ban, would be told that if he moaned again, the ban would be continued tomorrow tbh.

What tabby said - if you let him go on it, then he knows that whining makes you give in to him so it's worth his while doing it whenever he fancies his own way.
Regardless of the rights and wrongs of sitting on a computer screen for hours on a Saturday against not being allowed on at all, this is about your child learning to accept that the 'rule' (or punishment) is what it is and is not going to be taken away because he moans about it.

The worra you are right but dh was a bit harsh and ds just needs reassurance, I agree he needs to take responsibility and I explained that to ds but he gives new meaning to the phrase drama queen I can't wait til they are all teens all the slamming doors - dh is bullish and he is never going to fully learn to pick his battles it's really going to be fun

Btw the ban was down to some minecraft related technical issue dh was trying to help ds with and as the issue was not resolved ds was rude and tearfully obnoxious about it - I think dh was justified and agree with dh ban but the way he communicated could have been better.

But we are none of us perfect and I have calmed down now ds is out of my face and hopeful that now dust has settled we can salvage something positive out of the afternoon.

hes 9.. tell him to suck it up, if he wants to throw a tantrume like a baby then he can do it in his room.

Or do you all unquestioningly obey your DH?

I didnt include your face in the quote as it is condescending of course I do not obey my husband unquestioningly,
I happen to think that my husband as a parent gets the same say as I do whether he is here or not and vice versa. a punishment or a ban is just that and whoever puts it in place the other parent really needs to back it up
which the OP was actually doing she just had a whinging child on her hands ,
I have been a parent for too many years and we have come up with battles like this in the past and sometimes I think DHs punishments are a bit harsh or sometimes just plain daft
I do think you have to show a unitied front doesn't mean I wouldn't tell my dh in private he was being a twat, about something

absolutely totally agree with that post MrsJ.

United you stand before the kids or you are lost.

In private is different and that's when sensible parents sort out differences/ get a strategy.

United you stand before the kids or you are lost.

Exactly it isn't about giving in because you want a quiet life or you think the punishment is silly

I gave DD a week long computer/iPad ban after she was seriously naughty. The day after she was sent home from school ill, and of course started whining at DH about it. He wanted to go back on the ban too, and I started a thread about it.

I was pretty sure IWNBU to let the punishment stand, and the MN collective agreed with me

It didnt do her any harm (although it made that weeks homework a lot harder) and funnily enough one quick "watch yourself DD or you'll lose screens again" still works as a warning now.

Reason has been restored - after time out in his room ds came and helped hoover, stripped his bed, tidied some lego, all beds been changed and now children are together on sofa watching spongebob.

I am glad I didn't cave, not that I intended too, I am also looking forward to a peaceful evening once they are in bed and I won't give dh a hard time. But he will do bedtime story duty and make me a cuppa stiff drink

Agree Mrs J United front is essential if not always comfortable.

Get totally the united front argument but if my DH imposed something like this on 'my watch' I also would have no qualms about postponing the ban until he was looking after DS!

^ United Front only works if you and DH actually have made the agreement. Otherwise its a 'Well that's between you and Daddy.'

Glad things are sorted out OP.

YY to united front but NOT if one parent unilaterally imposes a punishment and then skips off, leaving the other parent to enforce it/deal with the fall-out. Parents should consult each other before expecting one half to back up the other.

No that is daft daft no matter how inconvenient it was if I had let ds back on pc it would have undermined dh and condoned ds's behaviour ... parenting involves making quick decisions and not always time for a board meeting before a punishment is imposed so I expect dh to back up decisions I make and vice versa. I also reserve the right to moan about it if it spoils my peaceful afternoon of course!

I agree with united front against DCs, but we have a rule since DH did something similar, we don't issue punishments that we expect the other one (or anyone else) to carry out. So no saying "I'll go without you" walking out the door, and leaving me to deal with the fall out of an upset toddler and losing my afternoon off - instead no one goes. (Hope that makes sense). I also never intend to say "wait until your father comes home" as I've heard friends say as quite frankly, it's unfair to make the other parent be the 'bad cop'.

It was unfair on you that your DH put in a punishment without discussing it with you that meant you had to be the one to do it. Talk to DH when he gets in. No fair on you at all.

I won't deny I was pissed off earlier but ds had caused the problem not dh, I did agree with dh once the red mist had dissipated

The problem I have had with dh is when he has threatened punishments he has no intention to carry out - usually about trips already paid for or visits to Gp house. I firmly believe you have to follow through so empty threats are pointless we have fallen out over that sort of thing.

I would have been pissed off too if it was my dh