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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to inflict a small non-serious injury on myself so I don't have to fly..

74 replies

Undergarment · 21/09/2013 14:37

...got to go on first work trip abroad since giving birth to my DS. Due to fly tomorrow and I can't bear the idea of leaving him to fly half way around the world for 5 days. Hate the idea of being so far away from him (he's 9 months old so not tiny and will be well cared for by DP and DGPs)/terrified of flying.....in a complete state about it. Work will go ballistic if I drop out now (work with young blokes who won't understand at all). Keep wondering if there is a non serious but non-fly able injury/affliction I could get between now and tomorrow. Apparently you can't fly with conjunctivitis but that's a bit tricky to give yourself! What else?

OP posts:
vtechjazz · 21/09/2013 14:46

Can dear old great aunt Mavis suddenly die?

Original poster
Undergarment · 21/09/2013 14:50

vtech yes I toyed with that idea too but too scared of tempting fate with something like that.

OP posts:
oohdaddypig · 21/09/2013 14:51

Sinus infection. You have terrible pain your face and you can't fly with one of them. Your head would explode.

(I get them a lot. Might not be serious but seriously annoying. Cheers me up I won't be the only sufferer as I'm mean like that)

Original poster
Undergarment · 21/09/2013 14:57

Sinus infection is good! Can I convince a doctor do you think? No great acting talent but i'd need to get a letter on Monday to give to work to explain why I didn't turn up for the flight tmrw. IYSWIM

OP posts:
Original poster
Undergarment · 21/09/2013 14:58

And sorry you get them in RL ooh. I know they are really painful and don't mean to belittle that.

OP posts:
lyndie · 21/09/2013 15:01

Migraine or vomiting bug. I wouldn't want to leave a 9 month old for 5 days either - but it's not good to lie about these things, is this career sustainable long term? What industry are you in?

thebody · 21/09/2013 15:01

ah is the main issue leaving baby or flying?

do you really want to risk your job? loose credibility?

I absolutely hate flying and motorway driving and avoid like the plague but if I absolutely have to then I do. it feels great when you accomplish it.

go on go for it. you will probably love the me time for a change!!

Whatdoiknowanyway · 21/09/2013 15:02

You have said yourself he'll be well cared for. If you drop out now you are incurring costs for your employer and letting people down..
Not a great advertisement for working mothers. I can appreciate that if you're scarred of flying then that will add to pressure but really, you are an adult, with adult responsibilities and you need to act up to them.

Lots of us have travelled for work leaving young children at home. Get support from docs etc for your fear of flying but don't wibble about letting your employers down and short notice and expect to be patted on the back for being a good mother.

oohdaddypig · 21/09/2013 15:03

It's ok under, I wasn't looking for sympathy. Grin

Basically symptoms are horrendous pain - you choose where - face/cheekbones or forehead. Say you have green gunk. Feverish and achy. Exhausted. decline antiobiotics. Really don't want to fly as have heard causes horrendous pain and worsens them (this is true. This is why I now get them so badly)

Job done! Enjoy time with little one x

oohdaddypig · 21/09/2013 15:09

To the other posters - I think it's too much for an employer to expect a mum (yes, a mum) to leave a 9 month old for 5 days. You can criticise me all you like for saying this but most mums would feel unhappy about this.

I do work. My employer would not expect this.

Teeb · 21/09/2013 15:14

I really don't think you can get out of this work trip without hugely damaging your role. How long have you known about it? Have you explained that you don't feel you are the best person to go on the trip? I think it's one of those things you just need to suck it up and hope it goes quickly.

DuckToWater · 21/09/2013 15:19

I think it's unreasonable of the employer to expect her to go as well. She could easily still be breastfeeding at this point. Obviously she should be given the opportunity to go, but not be expected to.

Tasmania · 21/09/2013 15:20

OP - are you serious?!?! And to some others on here - seriously guys?!? You want to basically convince the OP to throw her career away and fake illness?!

Great. Just great Hmm

Undergarment - I agree with what Whatdoiknowanyway said. What you are planning to do is not a great advertisement for working mothers.

You are an adult.

Behave like it.

Right now, you come across as a child trying to get out of school. Is that really the picture you want to paint for everyone to see? Would that be a good role model for your child?!? Staying at home does not make you a better mother. However, despite your child being young... saying that lying (to your employer) and essentially skiving is OK will put you on the 'Bad Mothers' list. What would you do if your kid starts doing that at school age?!

It is easy on an ONLINE FORUM to give people bad advice. I think that's what you have been given from a lot of people who see this as more of a joke.

StuntGirl · 21/09/2013 15:23

You've left it too late to ditch now. You'll have to lie to the doctor, lie to your employers, lie while you fill your return to work documents in. You'll be letting your employer down and giving them a bad impression of yourself. If you didn't want to go the time to say so has passed!

Do you want to stay in this job? Would it be better to seek alternate employment?

deadduck · 21/09/2013 15:25

Sorry, I agree with Tasmania and Whatdo. As a professional, you can't just drop out at the last minute. It is unfair to your employer and your colleagues. Did you not have the opportunity to discuss your concerns before the trip was booked? 5 days is not that long. Your baby is going to be fine. You will be ok.

MissDD1971 · 21/09/2013 15:28

Norovirus.

But like StuntGirl said - seems like last minute nerves and lying to people.

Do you really want to tie yourself up in knots over this? So I would think about another job or if you want to stay here.

Alternatively - if this will crop up again and you don't want to leave baby then I'd suggest counselling so you get over this hurdle.

Shapechanger · 21/09/2013 15:30

I'm with Tasmania. I can't believe the OP or the responses, really shocking.

Basically symptoms are horrendous pain - you choose whereJob done! Enjoy time with little one x Shock

You would be hugely letting down your employer and IMO demonstrating your are not worthy of your job.

It's not unreasonable of the boss to expect you to go abroad if it is part of your job. You need to suck it up and behave like an adult or get a different job.

No wonder there is so much suspicion of working mums - the feeling that they don't pull their weight. This thread proves it is justified, and any mum who works with dedication and responsibility would be forgiven for being really angry with the OP for undermining them.

MissDD1971 · 21/09/2013 15:31

I know this sounds awful but think about it from your colleagues POV.

I know they're young blokes not with babies etc but they're relying on you. You wouldn't work with them etc if you couldn't do your job. This will only give them ammunition to say to you or another worker with a baby/child "oh Undergarment used to call in sick/couldn't hack it etc* - is this really the impression you want to give of mums?? They'll KNOW you're making up an excuse, so when/if you really ARE ill they won't give sympathy. Trust me I know from experience re crying wolf.

MissDD1971 · 21/09/2013 15:31

Shapechanger - what I just said.

MissDD1971 · 21/09/2013 15:33

PS - OP if flying is regular part of your job - do a flight simulator course (for nervous flyers) or get medication from doctor.

Its understandable if you are nervous due to flying but it's something that can be overcome.

Doinmummy · 21/09/2013 15:34

I don't think you should try and avoid going. It's not professional , lying about your health is tempting fate. What if they just postpone the trip until you are 'better' ? You'll just have to lie all over again

quoteunquote · 21/09/2013 15:37

Buy a rock,gem or fossil in each place you go to, add to a box of special treasures for your son.

Shapechanger · 21/09/2013 15:37

I've only just actually realised the flight is tomorrow. My God that is even worse. It sounds as if you are just planning not to turn up at the airport.

It is simply unbelievable that you would think it might be OK to do this. And whatever story you cook up will be unbelievable as well.

DioneTheDiabolist · 21/09/2013 15:38

Yes YABU OP. Go on your business trip and stop thinking of ways out of it. Maybe it's time to re-think your career or current position, but you can do that when you get back.

ZumbaZara · 21/09/2013 15:39

Just to lighten the tone. A friend who very frightened of flying but had to go on a plane for work last week went through security and flew with a 'stag'. He was older tubby hairy and dressed as a mermaid in a bikini and tail!!
I know that doesn't help sorry that you are in such a tricky situation.