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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go over managers head

26 replies

boardcreche · 20/09/2013 16:04

to HR with the probs I am having with a coworker? Shes essentially a self absorbed insecure and manipulative cow ( not very popular with anyone in fact so not just me who feels this) but i am stuck working with her. Tried to be nice. get on with her but shes affecting my job now, lying to and misleading mgr to look good and making my job difficult. Mgr is useless and wants a quiet life so wont address anything. Am afraid it be my word against hers tho and shes a bit on the scary side. am i going to make my work life harder if i tattle?? should i just accept that some people are horrible and get on with it?

OP posts:
spongebob13 · 20/09/2013 16:13

gosh I was only reading a thread yesterday on the same topic.

you say manager wants a quite life. have you actually approached them about this? I would always go with the correct line of procedure tbh as you could make your life even more difficult in work. if you have been told the matter was addressed and you are still not satisfied I would approach manager again and tell them you are going higher.

spongebob13 · 20/09/2013 16:14

you need to make notes of things start a diary of evidence so to speak

phantomnamechanger · 20/09/2013 16:16

email your concerns to your manager, keep badgering them if no response, then go above their head - with the email record of what has/has not happened.

If she is out and out lying about stuff, to look good, can this be proved? Hard to know without examples of what she is actually doing.

drivingmisslazy · 20/09/2013 16:18

agree about putting things in writing and documenting everything.

spongebob13 · 20/09/2013 16:19

I believe though that the manager does not have to come back and tell you in detail how he dealt with it but you can of course express your opinion that it didn't work and you wish to go higher. just be sure you are prepared for any outcome, backlash from co workers etc as unfair and unjust as that may be, you would still need to be prepared. people gossip.

plus this would probably be noted on your work record and may influence future employment so go about it the right way and follow procedure.

Original poster
boardcreche · 20/09/2013 16:21

I did talked to manager, lots and with specifics- but mgr is 1-lazy 2- a poor mgr in general 3- scared of her. just worried that going to HR is going to make my lief more difficult cos this woman will go mental and will find sneaky ways to get back at me but then shes doing this anyway so maybe it wont matter. if she put half as much effort into working like a normal person instead of politics and gossip she might be ok to wrk with. going to have to go to HR i think, at least i know it will be in confidence at first.

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 20/09/2013 16:23

go through the official proceedure so if it says report to manager do so but cc HR in, or email HR and cc her in

and make sure you say you want to make it an official grievance

spongebob13 · 20/09/2013 16:23

I would still inform your manager as they will most certainly be contacting him and it could paint him in a bad light. as much as you think he is useless its not the impression you want to give to HR. be objective in how you talk about it, make sure any "school yard" phrases and details are left out. you want to look professional and emphasise how it impacts your work.

Original poster
boardcreche · 20/09/2013 16:33

thanks for advice, i feel like i have given my mgr every chance to deal with this but is just not helping. not worried about effects on other coworkers either, this woman has stepped on so many toes over the yrs that if it does come out cos shes trying to badmouth me i know i will get benefit of doubt and sympathy. i was warned about her ebfore we started working together! sveral times and by people in diff depts too. i have started dreading going in to wrk and that is not right.

OP posts:
Original poster
boardcreche · 20/09/2013 16:46

ah. Just had a great chat with a friend who has prof experience of this and he reckons after listening to me that its essentially bullying and someone forced to be a team who doesnt do team wrk . And bullying is a tricky one to prove so no HR but hes given me some ideas of how to deal and how to get my own back.gonna be trying that. feel better already!

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 20/09/2013 16:54

I cant get ny head around people who dont follow the proper complaints proceedure then expect to managers to follow an official proceedure :/

getting your own back is pretty shit advice.

bullying is an issue it is worth taking to HR to try and gain a proper resolution

Original poster
boardcreche · 20/09/2013 17:00

fire with fiire. my mgrs not following any procedure now unless you count sticking your head in the sand a procedure. I feel empowered and am not going to let this bitter nasty woman get away with it anymore. i do have some tricks up my sleeve as its now been pointed out to me.

OP posts:
spongebob13 · 20/09/2013 17:03

that does seem bad advice because if your "nasty tricks" back fire you are as bad as her and have no valid reason to go to HR anymore.

either way sounds like you have your mind made up. good luck with it.

Original poster
boardcreche · 20/09/2013 17:09

tricks. not nasty tricks. ways in which I can wrk around the cow - and i do have a little influence + goodwill in the place thank g-d. my friends Hr so hes not going to have me doing anything thatll mean trouble!

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spongebob13 · 20/09/2013 17:12

well what does "get my own back" imply?

LimitedEditionLady · 20/09/2013 17:13

Well can you cope going on like this?make a change

Justforlaughs · 20/09/2013 17:14

Just be careful that you don't put yourself in a position where you can be made to look like the bad guy. I would stick with procedure and write a formal grievance, this HAS to be taken up with HR. There are always ways to deal with bullies, just be careful.

Original poster
boardcreche · 20/09/2013 17:24

i am a sane reasonable and have been told a nice person. Oh and bright enough i would hope to not get in trouble. there are lots of ways in which i can deal with her i now realise but cannot go into detail. i will wrk with her on the bare min i have to, but cut her out of everything else.

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Jbck · 20/09/2013 17:28

How do you know your manager sn't dealing with it though. They may be but the culprit is resisting and they could be taking further steps.
I'd continue to speak to manager till they advise you.

They don't have to tell you what they are doing but if there is no improvement in behaviour you keep at them till there, is or the person's out the door.

spongebob13 · 20/09/2013 17:29

my apologies your posts implied (to me) that you were going to sink to her level but sounds like you don't mean it that way now. good luck with it!

ChestyNut · 20/09/2013 17:33

I second following the formal route and writing down your concerns and cc ing HR in.

Also how do you know your manager isn't dealing with it as if she is it will be confidential anyway?

Original poster
boardcreche · 20/09/2013 17:34

Mgr has told me has spoken with her re latest issue and then come back with some b+lls about a 'misunderstanding' and can reassure me blah blah blah. for about the 6th time. thats the problem with bullies, when you actually try to complain about them you end up lookin like the mad one and its all oh Im sure the Evilone didnt mean to do that etc
my only consolation is that shes clearly unhappy in life in general

OP posts:
Original poster
boardcreche · 20/09/2013 17:41

Sponge bob I could sink to the very bottom of the deepest ocean and still not be at her depth! So I have plenty of room for manoveur.

OP posts:
Turniptwirl · 20/09/2013 18:23

Just be very careful you don't do snything that she could twist and use against you

Continue to complain to your manager. Depends on the size of the company, but can you go to his manager if you still don't feel it's resolved?

redexpat · 20/09/2013 20:18

Continue to complain to your manager via email so you have a paper trail. If she doesn't deal with things effectively then take it over her head. Misunderstandings don't happen 6 times. Just to cover your back - are you in a union? You really will have to play it by the book and go through all the proper proceedures, otherwise it will bite you on the bum.