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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To speak to the school?

1002 replies

Orchwoid · 17/09/2013 17:47

I've just been to collect my son from his school and he's told me that he won't be cast in his school Christmas play but all the other children will.

I am fumming. I am going to go and speak to his teacher first thing tomorrow morning but I am so angry that I can't work out whether I'm being reasonable or not.

OP posts:

cjel · 19/09/2013 07:55

Filee - You also have no idea and are making wild assumptions. OP clearly stated he was withdrawn because she didn't want him 'praying or singing or being taught religious stuff' ALL of which will be included in a nativity play. We aren't assuming that is what she said.

exoticfruits · 19/09/2013 07:56

Teachers are already bogged down with paper work- the mind boggles that before they decide on a play they have to consult parents in case anyone is offended by anything in it. I would have thought the onus was in parents to say if they were offended. OP had made her feelings very clear at the start. I can understand her changing her mind- but not being angry because the school had listened to her in the first place!

filee777 · 19/09/2013 07:56

My point is that for many people, Christmas is a cultural activity. It is celebrated as a huge event in the calendar quite aside from any religious spin that one group or the other choose to put on it. There had been a winter festival for far longer than there has been Christianity, it is part of our culture, not part of one set religion. To expect those who do not subscribe to the Roman war-god stuff, to suddenly forgo every aspect of the winter festival is ridiculous! In a similar way to the football match, the trip to London and other events, there are things that can be done aside from the religious aspect of it so the child should be involved in them as long as the parents are comfortable with that.

cjel · 19/09/2013 07:58

We understand your point Filee but it doesn't make any sense to this post. It is not winter festival shit it is god shit and he has been excluded from that by his mother.

Sirzy · 19/09/2013 08:00

But the nativity is a religious play, however you look at it there is no getting away from that.

Therefore if a parent has withdrawn their child from religious practise in school that will include the nativity. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out surely?

The OP has stated she knew the school did the play, and also stated her objection to singing religious songs. It is up to her to make a decision and stick to it not just pick the bits she deems fun!

JakeBullet · 19/09/2013 08:01

OP needs to send her child to my DS's Catholic school...very inclusive....we don't even do the Nativity play at Christmas. What we do is a fun production by all the children.....40% of who are not Catholic/no religion/other religion (mostly Muslim).

It doesn't HAVE to be a religious production. It can be a Winter Celebration,

YouTheCat · 19/09/2013 08:02

They have spoken about it, Families. Taking up the head's time.

They offered a role as shepherd. OP doesn't think this is good enough.

filee777 · 19/09/2013 08:03

It does make sense to this post, the school should have dealt with it better, by contacting the parents earlier and avoided causing distress to the child. The school could have clarified what role little X could/could not have in the Christmas play rather than waiting for him to go home upset and then have to change everything.

If I were a Muslim and there was a big event happening and my child came back and said he was excluded from the whole thing because he's not Christian, I would be quite upset! One that I'd had no forewarning and 2 that they couldn't create some sort of non-religious role for him, be it backstage or whatever. That is not too much to ask.

FamiliesShareGerms · 19/09/2013 08:04

exotic - it isn't about consulting all parents, it's about checking with a very small number of parents who have expressed a particular view whether what they are proposing re their child's activites for the coming term is consistent with that view. That might be as simple as, instead of the "your child will be Mary and you need to find a blue costume" note to parents, it's a note explaining that "your son has not been allocated a part in the nativity in line with your request that he should not partake in religious worship at school."

OP - you have checked that there isn't such a note lurking at the bottom of your son's book bag, haven't you...?

JakeBullet · 19/09/2013 08:05

In any case, the OP has reminded me how much I respect teachers who have to deal with self contradictory parents like her on an all too regular basis. Just another reason that I could not be a teacher......

I get your point filee but the OP has withdrawn her child from religious stuff. The Nativity IS "religious stuff"... No matter how fun it is deemed.

Personally if this is not a religious school I can't understand why they don't just do a fun thing as we do in my DS's religious school....not a manger in sight.....except as a display in the foyer.

exoticfruits · 19/09/2013 08:05

I think I will bang my head on desk with MidNiteScribbler!
The school is doing a religious play- it tells a religious story with words, actions and songs- all of which have religious context. OP isn't remotely comfortable but she wants him on stage and she wants to watch.
The nativity is culturally part of Christmas. All my children were in nativity plays, I was, my parents were, my grandparents were- no doubt my great grandparents were.
If OP wants him to take part as a cultural experience she needs to make it clear -and think ahead as to which other 'cultural experiences' she wants him to not be withdrawn from.

filee777 · 19/09/2013 08:07

families exotic changes her mind about whether its 'a few' pupils or 'many' in practically every post.

It's just an excuse for lazy behaviour which fundamentally isolates and excludes those who are different.

exoticfruits · 19/09/2013 08:07

I really don't see how he can take part without being in assembly- the songs will be practised in assembly.

exoticfruits · 19/09/2013 08:08

Bangs head and leaves!

JakeBullet · 19/09/2013 08:08

Ah....she has declined the role of "shepherd" for her precious darling.

Now I am calling her a silly mare!

Either you want him included or you don't...make yer mind up luv.

So so glad I am not a teacher as I would get the sack in dealing with parents like the OP.

Wonder what role she has in mind....the baby Jesus perhaps...or Joseph......lets get all religious and make him one of God's Angels.

Beginning NOT to believe the OP actually...nobody is THAT stupid surely.

LibraryBook · 19/09/2013 08:09

Is it a nativity? Perhaps your son has repeated your insulting remarks about Christians, so the teachers feel t's inappropriate to cast him.

SoupDragon · 19/09/2013 08:10

Filee, have you read the OPs posts?
She doesn't want her DS to "open the curtains" and she doesn't want him to have a "god part" which, apparently, includes being a shepherd.

LIZS · 19/09/2013 08:10

I will go back in tomorrow and ask about the part because shepherds arent actually related to god or baby JESUS and my son wants to be in the christmas play really bad. pmsl .

You do know the Nativity story don't you ? . All these "extras" visit the manger and worship the baby . He will be involved in this whatever his role and no doubt various carols, songs and poems which are related in a religious way . You can't have your cake and eat it . Either you don't want him exposed to such "shit" or you accept it as part of an overall education and explain your doubts to him so he can make up his own mind . If your original request to exclude him was as strident as your posts here it is no wonder they didn't even bother to check with you.

YouTheCat · 19/09/2013 08:11

Once again - he has not been excluded (and has been offered a part that has been turned down anyway). He has been withdrawn by his mother - not the school.

JakeBullet · 19/09/2013 08:11

He told the teachers that he "wasn't allowed" to be in it. Personally I would have checked that with a parent but.........

Given that she has withdrawn him from religious nonsense as she puts it, then it is logical that she won't want him in a Nativity play.

Can you imagine her apoplexy if they cast him and she hadn't wanted that....she'd have been on here in AIBU in an instant and berating the school for not respecting her wishes.

exoticfruits · 19/09/2013 08:12

Just before I go she has reconsidered and will accept shepherd (or sheep) it having dawned there are no non religious parts.

JakeBullet · 19/09/2013 08:13

Anyway...IF this is true...(suspicious) then I hope the little boy gets a part and enjoys being part of it all....it will be fun.

And with that I am hiding the thread.

Bye.

filee777 · 19/09/2013 08:14

I think this all could have been avoided by dealing with the parents appropriately.

SoupDragon · 19/09/2013 08:14

YOu mean something like respecting their wishes about religion?

birdybear · 19/09/2013 08:15

You do realise the shepherds were visited by angels, then full of faith they went to Jesus and worshipped Him? Its practically the most religious part in the whole story!

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