To ask for £900 per month

[Mumom0]

I had a 3.5 year relationship with a man with whom I have now split. I was a single parent working earning about 20 k and as I have 4 kids, also received £970 pm in WFTC. When he moved in I had to inform tax credits of his £35k earnings, therefore losing that money. I said he should pay me £900 per month so my family did not lose out ( this is after all what the govt consider I need to keep my family in basics ) .
He thought this was a lot, as with a previous partner they split the bills so only payed about £600 each towards outgoings.

Since we split he has implied that he kept us, which made me feel cross as I was independent before (admittedly relying on tax credits).

Was I unreasonable to expect him to make up the difference in lost benefits to support kids which are not his, or right to make sure I had money to provide for them?

Has anyone else been in this situation - what did you do?

I think you had a rather odd way of looking at it to be honest.

Your household income went from 20k to 55k which has to be a good thing. Assuming he paid towards the household bills then I can't see your logic in making him pay for your children.

What sirzy said. Why should he have paid £900 just because he moved in with you and you lost that benefit?

Who cares?

He's an ex

Never, ever listen or give head space to the shit that ex partners say - its biased

The £900 was the sole contribution, the rest if the money he earnt, he kept for himself

They're not his DC are they? Why on earth should he pay to keep you all?

Still dont see why that much was necessary tbh.

Why didn't you just split the outgoings? Fucking bizarre asking him to make up the shortfall from lost benefits IMO

Am I missing something: Why should he pay for children that aren't his?

You went from paying for everything yourself to moving someone in who could split bills with and you ask him to cover the benefit you wil be missing out on? Its makes 0 sense.

what did this £900 cover? How much did you put towards? Sounds like maybe he was right

I don't understand. Now you have split up with him surely you can reapply for Tax Credits and Housing benefit etc. It's not his responsibility to pay for children that aren't his or to give you any spousal maintenance as you weren't married and were together for a relatively short period of time.

No wonder you separated, that's a massive amount of money, I'm not surprised he didn't agree to pay!

My DP is on £48k, he pays all of the outgoings (DD is not his), as I'm a recent graduate and finding employment seems to be a fucking ballache, however, once I get an income, the bills will be split down the middle. I wouldn't ask him to sump up the money I'd loose in benefits for DD?!?!?!

So he paid £900 per month to you, and you then paid all the bills, rent/mortgage etc with that and your earnings? He then kept the rest of his earnings for himself? Seems fair to me. £900 contribution for bills, rent, food etc seems quite cheap to me, isn't everyone roughly paying out this amount anyway? Wouldn't he have been spending more than that if he was living alone?

Sorry, have just reread. I thought you were asking him to pay this since you split.

When you moved in together, you should have sat down and decided together who covers what outgoings. It shouldn't have fallen solely to him paying what you lost in benefits. YWBU

Often on mumsnet the agreement seems to be that couples living together should pool all their money, and split whatever's left after the bills equally. £900 a month out of a salary of £35k doesn't sound bad, lots left over for whatever he wanted to do with it. Also, it makes no sense that by moving in together, you end up worse off than you were before, while he can save/ spend hundreds a month on whatever he wants.

OTOH Laurie's right, don't give it another thought, he's an ex for a reason!

Wow! Entitled much?

It sounds a very unequal split. I'd assume your costs went up slighty but had no more money coming in so very little left over while he probably had plenty left. That doesn't sound fair on you.

Why are you bothered about it now you've split up?

It depends on your financial arrangements.
Did the £900 pay for rent, his electricity, gas and food as well?
Did he pay for anything else? Of just kept the money for himself.

If so, you were short changed and you were keeping him, not the other way around.
Just in rent and bills for his own place he would probably have to spend close to £900 if not more.

Regardless, he's an ex. Let him say whatever he wants.
You're still in contact?
Cut it.

I get where you're coming from. It's not asking him to pay for your children to point out that his addition to the household, unless he contributes on a similar level to WTC, could be at the detriment to your children. £900 p/m still leaves him well over £1000 p/m after tax.

YWBU to expect him to make up the shortfall in benefits.

You would have been very reasonable to look at your joint overall living costs and worked out something fair between you in terms of share of mortgage/rent/bills/groceries etc. Which may or may not have equated to roughly the same amount.

And besides, moving in indicates you both thought you were in a long-term relationship which surely will involve him taking on some financial responsibility for your children.