To ask for £900 per month

[Mumom0]

I had a 3.5 year relationship with a man with whom I have now split. I was a single parent working earning about 20 k and as I have 4 kids, also received £970 pm in WFTC. When he moved in I had to inform tax credits of his £35k earnings, therefore losing that money. I said he should pay me £900 per month so my family did not lose out ( this is after all what the govt consider I need to keep my family in basics ) .
He thought this was a lot, as with a previous partner they split the bills so only payed about £600 each towards outgoings.

Since we split he has implied that he kept us, which made me feel cross as I was independent before (admittedly relying on tax credits).

Was I unreasonable to expect him to make up the difference in lost benefits to support kids which are not his, or right to make sure I had money to provide for them?

Has anyone else been in this situation - what did you do?

I'm not sure I undersatnd all the nuances of this relationship or even the maths involved, but my feeling is no. Please get a job and support your own kids. (With child support from their father/s of course)

YWNBU.

Any man who moves in with a single mother needs to be prepared to support the children financially whether he likes it or not as that's the way the tax credits system works.

I wonder if it was more the relatively short length of the relationship and being told that he was financially responsible for 4 kids that weren't his so quickly into it that caused this breakdown?

£900 a month is quite a lot to pay for room and board in a shared house of six people.

Anyway, it will only be temporary surely, as the kids father will be contributing or the OP will be moving into work which pays for her William children surely?

Dido
Op had a job. She also had help with child care and other expenses in the form of tax credits. Boyfriend moved in, household income goes up, op loses £900 in tax credits. She needs boyfriend to contribute to household to the tune of £900 or she will be worse off. He is left with plenty for himself. Where do you see the problem?

Sorry, post-op fug.
On re-reading I see they have split and this is a bit of a retrospective.
In which case I'd just say "move on"

My God, some women are 'entitled'. Just claim tax credits again now he's gone. Simple.

Fuck sake! She doesn't want him to carry on paying! He's saying she was wrong to take it from him during their relationship.

So, he has since come back and suggested he should have been able to freeload? I honestly think you were more than fair.

He paid £900 rent and utilities etc. You kept your benefits but took a financial hit on having an extra person in the house, with the extra hot water, electricity and food this entails.

Slightly confused. The £900 replaced your tax credits. Did he then pay his half of the bills on top?

If it was just the £900, he's getting a decent deal and isn't a meal ticket.

If he was paying bills on top I don't blame his attitude. And I'd also have a serious think about whether it's worth moving a potential next partner in with you if you expect them to make up your tax credit short fall on top of the bills.

Personally, I wouldn't move a man into the family home unless he was going to be a father figure for my children...and if that were the case the household cash would be pooled anyway.

"I have moved on, but this will be an issue again at some point"

How many men are you planning to move in and out of your childrens home?

You were not being unreasonable. Perhaps rephrase it as "assessing the family's income" rather than "replacing lost benefits" though.

How anyone can move in wth someone else, espcially someone with children, and not realise you may have to contribte to the costs of that family is beyond me.

The issue I suspect is the OP's wording.

If I was paying half then the OP said I want £900 as that is what I am loosing by you moving in, I would run a mile.

If I was only going to pay £900 all in then that would be very different.

I suspect the ex (like many on here) thought that she meant the first.

presumably if he is now an ex you are now entitled to some of the benefits back . If there is a next time the system may well have changed again

And they say romance is dead I can just imagine the conversation, yes of course we should commot and move in together but it will cost you £900 a month as its not fair i should lose my benefits just because i have found love.

Bills should have been split equally, costs for the children should be from maintainance, child benefit and your salary as they are not his and it doesnt sound like it was a serious relationship for him to take them in but rather that he was a lodger given your financial view.

I think he got a good deal, 900 a month all in and still left with 1300 disposable income. He sounds a bit of a nob really

I dont know moomins. Round here you can get a room in a shared house including bills for £500-£550 a month. And its an expensive area with high unemployment. And you wouldn't gave to share with 4 kids, and get to choose your own food.

The OP lost £900 a month when this man moved in because the government expected that his wage coming into the household would be used for the household. YANBU OP and anybody who thinks you are either isn't readin the OP correctly or has no understanding of how the Tax Credits system works.

Ywnbu.

I don't understand how you qualified for over £900 a month from tax credits!
We have a joint income of 18000 with 4 DC and don't get that much!!!

The whole thing is messy tbh. Of course, you were living together, you had chosen to be a family so all income should be shared but it's an awkward position for you to be in. With four children of your own (expensive!) it does seem like a big ask and it would be a decent partner indeed who stepped up to the plate after only previously being financially responsible for him/herself. But mother and children come as a package obviously.

I would find it difficult to accept financial help towards my children from a new partner who wasn't their father but that is the way the system works so I suppose these are conversations new couples need to have.

£900 a month out of a salary of £35k gross and he says he was keeping you? Presumably he knows how much the bills were?

Sounds to me like sour grapes and he needs to make you look bad to make himself feel better. If he brings it up again tell him to stroll on.

I have to agree that your wording was confusing and you should probably not have mentioned benefits. But in essence, YANBU, he earned 35, you earned 20 so he should have been paying to £1000 with you paying £600.

He didn't "have" to share with four children either LessMiss. He chose to move in with a woman who had children.

Where is their father?

His contribution?