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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you wash mouth out with soap of 12 year old Son

322 replies

SilverStreak7 · 16/09/2013 17:38

He KEEPS using the C word .. Out of all swear words I hate that the most .. Would you wash his mouth out with soap ? I am aware he may swear outside (which Im not pleased with) but in front of me disgusts me . .

OP posts:

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 15:52

I swear in front of my parents and I had my mouth violently scrubbed by my dad when I was young. We all swear on occasion. It's only swearing.

usualsuspect · 17/09/2013 15:55

I hardly swear in front of my mum, but she didn't have to shove a bar of soap in my mouth to stop me.

My grown up DCs all swear, meh they are only words.

They wouldn't swear in front of their grandma though.

Pawprint · 17/09/2013 16:08

I don't thick that would work, tbh. He'd just throw up and it would be cruel.

Is he doing it just because it winds you up or has it become a habit? I remember my mum overhearing me say "fuck off" when I was a child (I was about 9) and she said that if I did it again she would stop my pocket money for a year. She meant it and I didn't do it again.

To this day, she still remembers how shocked she felt! I'm not particularly bothered by swearing but then I have a mouth like a sewer.

usualsuspect · 17/09/2013 16:18

I remember my sister telling our ndn to fuck off.

The neighbour came banging on the door raging.

My mum told my sister off, but we still laugh about it now.

MajesticWhine · 17/09/2013 16:30

This was done to me by my mother. I was using swear words I had heard her say. I was much younger than 12, probably more like 6 or 7.
The only lesson I learnt from this was that when I do something wrong I will be utterly rejected and unlovable. Not a great lesson to carry through to adulthood.

Oblomov · 17/09/2013 18:40

I have to admit that I did this to ds1. It was only when I read on MN that I realised that it was now considered unacceptable.

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 18:46

How can you not realise that it's unacceptable...?

ThePuffyShirt · 17/09/2013 19:00

I think it's cruel and abusive. I would never forgive my parents if they had done that to me.

But I think some parents decades ago were very ignorant of what constituted abuse. My parents can remember being hit by their parents. Sometimes they knew no better.

The soap thing in the mouth though is just beyond wicked.

DuelingFanjo · 17/09/2013 19:00

Was that because someone did it to you Oblomov?
I just can't get my he'd around anyone thinking it's ok :(

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 19:14

I've had it done DuelingFanjo and I still think it's disgraceful. I was also smacked, punched, sat on, used as target practice, choked and forced to stay awake all night as "punishment". I don't think any of these things are okay and would never, ever put my son through that.

BMW6 · 17/09/2013 19:15

My Mum used to say she'd do this when we swore - but she never did!

Oblomov · 17/09/2013 19:21

No. I had never had it done to me. Dh had it done to him once or twice. I come from a totally loving family and was not smacked.
I realised it wasn't nice. But it had never dawned on me that it was abusive. The saying' wash your mouth out' and parent putting a dab on their finger and then in the child's mouth. No, restraining them.
Yes I know it is not good.
And I know you must find this very odd. But it never dawned on me that it was THAT bad. Until one day, on Mn, I read a thread about it. And it finally clicked, registered.

thegreylady · 17/09/2013 19:38

You see daley my dc were never smacked or sent to bed supperless.They never missed a bedtime story or a cuddle when needed.They had their dreams come true whenever possible.Santa Claus always came,holidays were fun and birthdays were celebrated.
They had ponies and puppies,gerbils and cats, bicycles then cars.They were taken to University with all they needed and had love showered on them.
What did they miss out on? Ah yes they were not allowed to say 'fuck' to their mother-poor kids :(
Those of you calling what I did-once-abusive obviously do not understand abuse.
'puerile' means childish-it is not childish to believe that sexual swearing demeans sexuality.
My adult children and step children have never heard me use that sort of language and I have never heard it from my grandchildren [aged up to 16].I suppose that you get what you are prepared to accept from your dc.
I get love, respect, trust and many wonderful memories.
I asked dd this evening what was her worst childhood memory [apart from her father's death].It was appendicitis.I asked about the 'wash your mouth out ' incident and she said it didn't even register now except as something to laugh about.She would never do it to her dc, not because it was abusive but because times change but she still would not accept swearing from her boys.

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 19:43

Excuse me thegreylady?! I don't understand abuse?! You might want to actually read my previous comment. I've experienced my fair share of abuse so don't you dare say that I don't understand what it means.

Just because you did something awful but you only did it once doesn't make it any less awful. You're just lucky your daughter hasn't fixated on it.

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 19:46

Also, I use words like fuck, cunt, prick and dickhead and I have a perfectly healthy sex life and sexuality.

thegreylady · 17/09/2013 19:49

Daley the 'do not understand abuse' was not directed at you though my first sentence was.
I am sorry you had such a foul childhood . I do wish I had never share my anecdote.Now I have to hide an interesting thread.

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 19:52

Poor you

AnyFucker · 17/09/2013 19:57

No, TGL, don't hide the thread. You might get educated, like oblomov did.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 17/09/2013 20:02

Oblomov, I think you are very brave to post what you have, and if these sort of threads make one person think twice about what they're doing, that can only be a good thing.

Pagwatch · 17/09/2013 20:23

Thegreylady

You are judging this whole issue on the basis that your view of profanity is the correct one and tht anyone who deviates from that must have chikdren who are foul mouthed and therefore disrespectful.
You are being extraordinarily narrow.

My children swear rarely. My eldest son swears more now he is at university I'm sure.
They are polite and respectful. They never raise their voices to me, never answer back.
I don't view the occasional 'fuck' as the end of the world from a teenager who works hard at school, helps at home , is sensible responsible and respectful.

Suggesting that anyone who does not response with a physical punishment to a swear word demands less of their child and must have a rude or disrespectful family actually is puerile.

thegreylady · 17/09/2013 20:31

No I am not honestly I'm not. I don't expect anyone to agree with me at all. I just joined the thread to give an example, an anecdote if you like of using that method of tackling swearing. I hate it, lots don't mind it at all. I feel a bit stupid now to be honest. I just expected to be able to say what I once did and to expain my pov. I didn't expect to unleash the hounds of Hell!

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 20:34

Well no wonder, you put soap in your daughter's mouth.

DuelingFanjo · 17/09/2013 20:37

Egreyladu, you say times have changed. What's it that you think has changed?

AnyFucker · 17/09/2013 20:43

TGL, the reason why you got a pasting and oblomov didn't is because you are still justifying the physical abuse of a child and she is not.

DaleyBump · 17/09/2013 20:45

What AF said.

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